Sibling kittens .. one getting more anxious and spooked

[Georgesmom]

My sibling brother kittens about 5 months old are so different . They play and love each other. But one Arlo has always been super friendly and sweet / the other Finn is very shy and anxious . He was always the shy one but it’s lately worse and worse to the point you can barely look at him not to mention ever touching or picking him up . He spooks and won’t let us handle him : he will sometimes let me pet him when I feed him . He does let my older daughter pet and cuddle him when he’s confined to my room and it’s nap time . My toddler scares him a lot in general because of general noise level . My toddler NEVER handles him and isn’t allowed To chase or anything . But is generally just noisy and makes fast movements . Arlo doesn’t mind this at all . Finn does . It’s getting worse for him . I’m worried he’s not adjusting well . You’d think he would calm down and at least grow to tolerate her more not less .

I’m beginning to wonder if we are not the right fit for Finn . I hate to split them up and I won’t rehome Arlo . He’s the perfect cat for our home: my older cat even likes him . My older cat doesn’t like Finn . I think a quiet home with another kitten would be good for Finn but I worry if it would be hard for him . I am not sure if it’s worse growing up in a home where it’s always noisy and he’s on edge constantly and can’t be handled or being split up from his brother to live in a quieter peaceful home with another cat hopefully .

 

[gitabooks]

That is a very hard choice. Cats can be so sensitive and I've definitely experienced sensitive cats. Some cats are naturally sensitive and others had something happen to them that made them that way (often being feral and missing the important socialization age).

One cat I work with, Viktor, is around 15 years old and has been with his family since he was young and still won't let people touch him. He is fully indoors and enjoys his life, but he is just sooo sensitive due to being feral as a kitten. His sister took years to fully trust people but became one of the cuddliest, sweetest cats I've met (still didn't like to be picked up, but loved to sit in your lap). He has lots of safe spots he can hide at and enjoys treats, comfortable beds, and spending time out in the catio/run.

We also had Tabby and Pygmy, sibling cats that we handled since the day they were born (they were an oops litter before their mother was spayed). They were barn cats with their mother and uncle and Pygmy grew up to be very trusting and sweet but even years later Tabby still struggled to trust us or let us touch her. She did come for food, and when she had her own oops litter (this was when I was a kid and we didn't know how young a cat could have kittens) she trusted us enough to bring her and her kittens inside for a few weeks to be safe while they waited to be old enough for adoption. She even would nurse them in your lap! She let us assist with the birth, even asking for us to be with her by pressing up against her during the birth.

Basically, some cats will always be delicate, jumpy, and shy but that doesn't mean they don't love and trust you. It still is your choice what is best for you, Arlo, and Finn but know that cats do change over the years and there are ways to help, including a private/safe area - high spots they can hide at (dressers, shelves attached to the wall, etc), closets with beds, catios, a back room or basement with a cat door or gate keeping kids out.

Some cats are fearful if they are in pain, having allergies, etc. You could ask for a vet to look him over as well.

Best of luck with your kitties!

 

[arr]

Our sibling cats, Chloe and Fizzbin, are extremely different. Fizzbin is the most easygoing, sociable, adaptable cat. He loves snuggles, greets strangers at the door, doesn’t scare easily. Chloe is scared of every little noise, runs when the doorbell rings, doesn’t like being pet, is very sensitive. I know it’s not how they were raised because we’ve had them since they were born, we still have their mother, we treated them the same. Just like people, cat siblings can have vastly different personalities.

Even though Chloe is so sensitive, she is a wonderful cat. She loves to play and will “ask” me to play with a certain meow she uses. Nearing four years old now, she has taken to sleeping with me, right against my side. She doesn’t sit in laps, but she’ll sit between legs, and though she still doesn’t like being pet, the older she gets, the more she is tolerating it. If she is very sleepy and content, she likes her belly rubbed and a little around her face, just never her back. So even a shy sensitive cat can improve over the years. I wouldn’t be without her now.

Granted, we have a very quiet home so she can mostly relax, but I think it’s kind of a curse. Our house is so calm, minimalist, silent, rural, we now keep the radio on just to make some noise for the cats, and two times they’ve been scared by the music, and it was classical! I think she would’ve done better in a busier home, by way of desensitization to chaos. My mom has two more of her siblings, and they are shy and sensitive like Chloe, but my moms house is chaotic, with a dog and grandchildren, on a busy street. Her two have done just fine, and they ended up being able to tolerate more than Chloe, due to their environment. My personal feeling is Finn will be just fine. You’ve given your toddler boundaries, and if you make sure Finn has places he can escape to when he needs quiet time, he will adapt and actually be more resilient than if he went to live with a quiet old couple.

I wanted to add, you say it’s getting worse for Finn, he’s not adjusting well, what does that look like? Is he eating well, does he have a good appetite, is he using his litter box properly, does he play, does he spend time with his brother? If not, then I may be wrong. If it’s more that he isn’t warming up to your toddler, isn’t warming up to being cuddled and pet, isn’t acting more like Arlo, then that’s just him. Give him time, give him high up places where he can observe the household from a place of confidence. It’s so important that he has places to go to just quietly observe, especially high up.

 

[Georgesmom]

Our sibling cats, Chloe and Fizzbin, are extremely different. Fizzbin is the most easygoing, sociable, adaptable cat. He loves snuggles, greets strangers at the door, doesn’t scare easily. Chloe is scared of every little noise, runs when the doorbell rings, doesn’t like being pet, is very sensitive. I know it’s not how they were raised because we’ve had them since they were born, we still have their mother, we treated them the same. Just like people, cat siblings can have vastly different personalities.

Even though Chloe is so sensitive, she is a wonderful cat. She loves to play and will “ask” me to play with a certain meow she uses. Nearing four years old now, she has taken to sleeping with me, right against my side. She doesn’t sit in laps, but she’ll sit between legs, and though she still doesn’t like being pet, the older she gets, the more she is tolerating it. If she is very sleepy and content, she likes her belly rubbed and a little around her face, just never her back. So even a shy sensitive cat can improve over the years. I wouldn’t be without her now.

Granted, we have a very quiet home so she can mostly relax, but I think it’s kind of a curse. Our house is so calm, minimalist, silent, rural, we now keep the radio on just to make some noise for the cats, and two times they’ve been scared by the music, and it was classical! I think she would’ve done better in a busier home, by way of desensitization to chaos. My mom has two more of her siblings, and they are shy and sensitive like Chloe, but my moms house is chaotic, with a dog and grandchildren, on a busy street. Her two have done just fine, and they ended up being able to tolerate more than Chloe, due to their environment. My personal feeling is Finn will be just fine. You’ve given your toddler boundaries, and if you make sure Finn has places he can escape to when he needs quiet time, he will adapt and actually be more resilient than if he went to live with a quiet old couple.

I wanted to add, you say it’s getting worse for Finn, he’s not adjusting well, what does that look like? Is he eating well, does he have a good appetite, is he using his litter box properly, does he play, does he spend time with his brother? If not, then I may be wrong. If it’s more that he isn’t warming up to your toddler, isn’t warming up to being cuddled and pet, isn’t acting more like Arlo, then that’s just him. Give him time, give him high up places where he can observe the household from a place of confidence. It’s so important that he has places to go to just quietly observe, especially high up.

He does eat and use the litter . He has a good appetite and is always playing . He just runs away from me anytime I approach him . Which is what I thought was bad . But otherwise he seems ok and he’s actually venturing out of the bedroom and playing a lot actually with his brother . It does help to hear that your kitties have adjusted and that this is just his personality. So maybe he really will be ok

 

[Alldara]

Has he been to the vet? A health issue can make them more nervous.

You might also want to try Feliway Multicat, Cat Calming music or see if they respond to catnip yet.

You might also consider some of Jackson Galaxy's tips.