Should I return lonely kitten to previous household (for her sake, not mine)?

[mak2675]

I have two very lovely kitten companions, a 5 month boy and girl siblings. The girl is a bit of a depressive and she is very timid. She tends to be get lonely and follows the other cat around, who often prefers isolation, or she comes to me, but I can't always be there because I have to go be at school or busy working. . I am thinking that perhaps her brother sometimes avoids her because of her constant herpes infection with the whole eye infection, sneezing, and all (which I am still trying to tackle, currently going to go and fetch l-lysine), which isn't helped by the fact that she is very anxious and will dash sometimes at even the slightest sound (stress can cause herpes flares). Again, she is very timid. 

I can provide her with caring companionship when I am around and I can provide her with good health care, but I can't provide her the constant companionship that I think she craves coming from a household with many cats, including her mother.  It seems evident to me that she loves cat companionship because she loves it when I act like a cat with her (rubbing her with my face instead of petting with my hands) and she doesn't understand that she isn't supposed to wake me up every 2 hours or bite me despite me trying to teach her but really that doesn't bother me at all because this isn't about me. What bothers me is that everything I am talking about indicates that it is optimal for her to be in a multi-cat household setup like she was in previously. So, I was thinking of returning her to her previous "pride" setup household, but I am worried that they might give her to another household (the owner at one point  told me she doesn't want another cat, ouch!) even if I get them to agree to keep her permanently and I am worried that the quality of care is going to be a little worse because of her herpes and constant infectious needing constant attention and the owner is a bit neglectful by my standards . But I am also worried that none of that matters if she isn't happy which I am not sure she fully is in my household. Or maybe she wouldn't be fully happy there either - perhaps what I have indicated tells that she would be a little sad anywhere she goes or she is sad not because of her environment but because of something else like her illness? I don't know. Just such a hard dilemma.

I was wondering: what is best for my kitten? Any ideas appreciated

 

[katluver4life]

Hello and welcome to TCS.

How long have they been with you? I think she just needs more time, him also, to get accustomed to the new routines and environment. I would wait until she is feeling better, past this outbreak of her herpes and then see how things are before making any decisions.

Being with her brother is best for her right now, even if it seems like he's just not into her atm. Risking her health by sending her into an unknown and being unwanted, not so good IMO. She sounds like she does indeed love you.

 

[mak2675]

 
Hello and welcome to TCS.

How long have they been with you? I think she just needs more time, him also, to get accustomed to the new routines and environment. I would wait until she is feeling better, past this outbreak of her herpes and then see how things are before making any decisions.

Being with her brother is best for her right now, even if it seems like he's just not into her atm. Risking her health by sending her into an unknown and being unwanted, not so good IMO. She sounds like she does indeed love you.

thank you very much for the reply and welcome.

the male kitten was taken first when he was 2 months (3 months ago) and his sister a month later, by which time it seemed the two forgot each other. At first it didn't seem they got along too well, they would just playfight very hard (mostly the brother would instigate it) and hardly ever play nice. Fast forward 2 months later today and they are more affectionate toward each other. But even though the male is relatively more affectionate to her, he is also more independent now than ever - so it doesn't seem so much incompatibility between the two, as it is that he is more introverted. But female kitten is not as strong and independent as him it seems and so this lack of attention doesn't really jive with her and makes her insecure when he goes off disappearing. Do cats normally become stronger and more independent as they get older and do you think perhaps age will solve her loneliness? And is it possible he's not into that her largely because he senses she is sick?  After all, she did infect him and he does get a little nasally as a result so I can understand why. Of course, I also mentioned he is less extroverted than her and so that's probably a big factor into why he doesn't give her the level of attention she needs. 

 

[katluver4life]

I do believe since she is still sick, he may be sensing this, though doubt he realizes or can even comprehend it was she that infected him. Just that she is the weaker of the 2 atm. I also do think things will change when they can be all back to full health. A couple of months is no time at all in a cats life. They do and can take even longer to establish a relationship. All in all it sounds they do well together.

I know you say you don't have much time to give for play, but you can encourage together play using wand toys or even a laser. My personal favorites are the Da-bird and the cat catcher which can be found at Petco or online direct.

 

[mservant]

Hi Mak2675.  Welcome to TCS.  I' sorry your little girl is so affected by her herpes virus.  I too have an FHV kitty: he's now 2 1/2 and thankfully quite a strong boy who has always been well nourished and seen regularly by his vet.  I always know when the virus is hanging about him because he looks sad, like your little girl.  I used to think it was living with me he didn't like but I realized it was just his expression and quiet behaviour when he was more sick.

I agree with Katluver4life, your kittens have not had long to settle in with you or with each other and some more time elapsing, and establishing some kind of routine with them will give you a much better idea of whether things are going to settle. Some Feliway to minimize stress levels esp for your little girl might be a good addition on top of starting the L Lysine too.  It sounds like your little kittens have built a strong relationship with you and are starting to work out their own cat / cat relationship and disrupting them again at this point would simply add to their stress levels.

Good veterinary care for your FHV 1 kitty is going to be really important to her and I really do believe that a quieter life with you and her brother, with your close observation and access to health care will be far more valuable to her. If she is not well and her herpes managed as best it can be she will be in so much more pain than need be.

I am sure that as your little girl feels better and gets used to her surroundings you will see 2 happier little cats running about and purrsuading you that you have done the right thing in keeping both of them.   They may decide to snuggle up together and spend each day playing together but even if they don't  they will find a way of sharing their space and  enjoying your company in their  own special ways.

All the best with settling them in a bit more and helping your girl get on top of the herpes virus. 

 

 

[kitkat23]

You know, it can be hard for a kitty to be comfortable, so give her a lot more time. Her brother will come through at the max, for her.You dont need to worry, just try to slowly help your cat. She will appreciate what your trying to do for, so much. P.S. dont make any decisions before you know exactly what to do. Good Luck!!

 

[GoldyCat]

The two kittens didn't remember each other after a month apart and needed to be reintroduced. Think how much harder it would be to reintroduce the girl to multiple cats who will have forgotten her. She definitely doesn't need the extra stress, especially with her herpes. IMO the best thing for her is to stay with you and her brother, just give them more time.

 

[hakeemtarabulsi]

Hi mak2675 and welcome aboard TCS!

I have noticed a couple of advices amongst the previous posts about playing & toys, and would like here to emphasize on toys, as I have 2 great kitties and trust me, they - neither I - don't face any difficulty or distress, while I'm busy or away, just because of the variety of toys available around, in order for me to keep them busy, and at the same time entertained.

I had a Hand Massage Ball (made of hard sponge), and realized that my kitties LOVE to play with it, but it has a little issue; lots of morsels will fill the surroundings

Cat Toy.jpg

• hakeemtarabulsi
• Oct 1, 2013

Obviously, there are dozens of other toys and props, but thought of sharing with you, the simplest and most attractive ones, and hope your kitties will shortly find a way to fill their time and give you some peaceful space

 

 

[miranetta]

Having been in the position of the lady that gave the cat away, I believe you are the best mom for the kitten.  She loves you, the bites are love bites.  Head butting is a sign of showing you she loves you.  I usually love my cats the same way they show me love.  I have one that likes to sleep face to face to me like you would with another person.  Give her time and lots of attention anytime you can.   If she shows signs of insecurity, maybe pick her up and walk around doing your chores while holding her.  With my Simon, get seperation anxiety when I go to work, he likes to lay on my shoulders around the back of my neck which he started as a kitten, he still does it after 8 years.

She also knows you love her.  Just give her some time to adjust, she wasn't being taken care of properly, and you rescued her.

Carolyn

 

[mak2675]

some awesome advice - a lot of people coming to my rescue here and taking this weight of worry off my shoulders. It seems the girl kitten is probably melancholic and anxious because of her illness and I guess the reason her brother doesn't spend, in my sight, enough time with her is because the two are still adjusting to one another. That sounds right because the two are getting along better than before and I guess that can only improve. I should mention though that the boy does pee in the house a lot and my vet said its likely a territorial issue having to do with introducing the girl kitten into the house (but then its also probably because there were 2 litterboxes in the house, but no matter, I just let them outside of the house and it solved the problem). It seemed to me that he likes to be the only cat, but I still believe that having her around, even if he did prefer to be alone, is better for his sake because  he did show signs of loneliness in the past when he was only cat for a month so regardless of whether he likes it or not, I have faith that this will make him happier. I don't know if some part of this rift between the two is because of some sort of resentment on his part that he is sharing the household with another cat. Regardless, I guess it would make sense that its still probably mostly if not entirely a matter of getting the two to adjust to each other.  And the people advising me have obviously had more experience than I and so I'll defer to them on this matter. Thanks again everyone!

 

[katluver4life]

I'm glad things between them are improving.

Are they spayed and neutered? If not please do that asap. If not, doing so may also fix his going in the house. Also if they are not fixed, she is already at an age she can become pregnant if your allowing them out, or her own brother could impregnate her.

 

[mak2675]

 
I'm glad things between them are improving.

Are they spayed and neutered? If not please do that asap. If not, doing so may also fix his going in the house. Also if they are not fixed, she is already at an age she can become pregnant if your allowing them out, or her own brother could impregnate her.

yes, thank you for the tip and that's exactly what I was going to work on next. But he had been peeing since almost the beginning, i'd say conservatively since he was around a month and a half old so I doubt he was mature enough to be going in the house because of hormone surges. Could be wrong though. Of course its possible the previous owner understated his age. But yes, I'll work on this. 

 

[tulosai]

 
some awesome advice - a lot of people coming to my rescue here and taking this weight of worry off my shoulders. It seems the girl kitten is probably melancholic and anxious because of her illness and I guess the reason her brother doesn't spend, in my sight, enough time with her is because the two are still adjusting to one another. That sounds right because the two are getting along better than before and I guess that can only improve. I should mention though that the boy does pee in the house a lot and my vet said its likely a territorial issue having to do with introducing the girl kitten into the house (but then its also probably because there were 2 litterboxes in the house, but no matter, I just let them outside of the house and it solved the problem). It seemed to me that he likes to be the only cat, but I still believe that having her around, even if he did prefer to be alone, is better for his sake because  he did show signs of loneliness in the past when he was only cat for a month so regardless of whether he likes it or not, I have faith that this will make him happier. I don't know if some part of this rift between the two is because of some sort of resentment on his part that he is sharing the household with another cat. Regardless, I guess it would make sense that its still probably mostly if not entirely a matter of getting the two to adjust to each other.  And the people advising me have obviously had more experience than I and so I'll defer to them on this matter. Thanks again everyone!

She should not be going outside the house.  She is sick, and it can make her get worse.  It also enables her to expose other cats to the virus- ones that don't have humans and certainly not vets to look out for them.  While I advocate keeping all cats inside, you definitely should keep the girl inside due to her illness. Hope this doesn't sound judgmental.

As for the rest, definitely don't return her as others have said.  I honestly think she will have a healthier and longer life with you.

 

[mak2675]

 
She should not be going outside the house.  She is sick, and it can make her get worse.  It also enables her to expose other cats to the virus- ones that don't have humans and certainly not vets to look out for them.  While I advocate keeping all cats inside, you definitely should keep the girl inside due to her illness. Hope this doesn't sound judgmental.

As for the rest, definitely don't return her as others have said.  I honestly think she will have a healthier and longer life with you.

She is sick, but she has been constantly, mildly sick except short periods when on antibiotics for the entire months I've had her. So I feel like since this is going to be a long-term thing, we should learn to let her live with it (while I begin trying new strategies like getting her started on lysine which I've just done) and not shield her too much, which I would if this was short term. And the reason why confining inside would be overprotective is because I need to let the other kitten out because since he was about a month and a half old, he has had peeing issues (which seem to be resolved when he goes outside and pees where he wants) and so if I'm going to let him out, it would seem best to let her out too so they can play together. Our property is large and pretty well gated and so going in and out would not be easy for cats. Also, I live in a rather hot part of the country where the weather is not cold outside at all and the cats are kept inside at night. 

 

[mservant]

Good luck with the spaying / neutering. If neither of them have had the surgery this sounds like a priority to me.  If your little girl isn't well I'm not sure what the vet policy is likely to be, but if she does get pregnant and the virus is active when she kittens sadly she is not only likely to pass the virus on to her kittens, I believe she is also much more at risk of loosing her kittens to the virus as an added distress.  Please take care of them both soon.

I agree that letting your boy out is likely to help with the peeing issue, but so is neutering. If he goes out before he is neutered he is far more likely to take off on long distance treks in search of a large territory if he can, with all the additional risks this would bring for him.   

I am quite sure that what you want most for your kittens is for them to be safe and well, and that you will do everything you can to achieve this.  On that front, I hope you see a difference for your little girl now you have started the L Lysine, and that she is happy enough taking it.

 

[kitkat23]

You know, it can be hard for a kitty to be comfortable, so give her a lot more time. Her brother will come through at the max, for her.You dont need to worry, just try to slowly help your cat. She will appreciate what your trying to do for, so much. P.S. dont make any decisions before you know exactly what to do. Good Luck