Separation Anxiety?

[cryptic]

So I currently am living at home with my mother and twin sister. I have Jinx and Java, my two kitties, and a very loving and quiet-mannered Miniature Pinscher called Zeke also residing there. So the house is never really lonely, and the animals get a ton of affection and playtime with humans and animals like. On my weekends, I drive up north (about 100 miles away) to spend time with my boyfriend, since we have a long-distance relationship and see each other when possible.
When I leave, Jinx (who will be two in April) seems to have a meltdown. Yowling, frantically pacing, launching herself about the house all hours of night and day. At first I thought it could be heat, but this behavior immediately stops as soon as I return. (Not raised hindquarters, no wanting to roam, no yowling. Her spay surgery is scheduled next week anyway) My sister texts me within hours of my departure telling me that Jinx is having a meltdown, and doesn't want anyone touching her. She won't bite, scratch or otherwise be aggressive at all, but she'll make a slight spit and run from anyone who so much as looks as her. I know I'm Jinx's human, but her pickiness towards my sister and mom only seems to be getting worse. She loves the other kitten, Java, and they wrestle and play all the time... but not when I leave.
I'd love to take her up with me, the problem being is that my boyfriend's roommate has a dog that would surely kill her. I would never risk it that, on top of the fact that I believe Jinx would be incredibly stressed by the drive and new surrounding every week. I love my kitty but I also love my boyfriend -- weekends are spent up there, no questions asked, but I'm beginning to feel guilty because my cat doesn't seem to function when I leave. It's getting the point where she won't touch her food if I'm not around. When I come back, she jumps on my shoulder and pastes herself to me for the next 48 hours.
I love my boyfriend, and my cat. But I'm starting to feel guilty that this seems to take such a toll on her, as well as my family who put up with her screeching and antics when I leave. My question is are there any ways I can cope with what I assume is separation anxiety? Is this something else? Help is appreciated.

 

[Espalia]

I think you address this in your post and I just am misunderstanding, but is there a reason your boyfriend can't come down some weekends? (I totally get if it's a parent/awkwardness thing). It is really unfortunate about the roommate's dog, because I think even the stress of the car ride and the new environment might be less than the stress Jinx apparently seems to feel when she is away from you. She would probably get used to the drive and your boyfriend's place if it was the same place every time. Perhaps your boyfriend could consider moving in with a different roommate or living alone since you are the one that drives so far to see him every weekend. I know that sounds extreme, but your cat is part of your family and not only that, this is taking a toll on your mother and sister - he should understand that and be willing to compromise. This is getting a little personal and you obviously don't need to talk about it, but how long is this set up potentially a thing? (Like, is he in college and you are in high school and you will be going to college soon or something like that?)

I can think of a couple things you could try, but none are perfect solutions. One is to have your Mom and sister spend more time with Jinx so that she is not quite as attached to you. Another is to try bringing Jinx with you and separate her from the dog somehow (keep one in a bedroom or something) just to see how it goes. Many cats ride very comfortably in a car when they are not in their carrier. I know this is more dangerous if you get in a crash, but it's that or a cat yowling and being really stressed out for the entire drive and you have to make a personal decision about which is worse.

I'm curious to see whether her behavior improves after her spay surgery too. Even if it's not heat, being spayed might help. I'm so sorry, this sounds like a pretty tough situation but I'm glad you care so much about your kitty. Keep us updated!

 

[cryptic]

Unfortunately he works the days I go up. He comes down on his day off. I won't risk having Jinx there as the dog is truly insane, she'd bust down doors to get to her. She's smashed through windows to get to squirrels.
Moving isn't an option for him, he goes to college up there and I work full time down here and do classes online for my college - I plan on moving up with him next summer, but that's a ways away. I'm currently in my own lease as well. I'll see if my mom and sister can spend more time with her, she can be sort of picky. It doesn't seem to matter if I'm not there, they can't really touch her. I truly hoping spaying her helps, I am at a loss here.

 

[OldmanCats]

Your cat sounds very similar to mine! He's 10 years old now and still has pretty bad separation anxiety. I would definitely try spaying her and see if that helps.

Have you tried the cat calming sprays like feliaway or any other anti-anxiety sprays? I would try and see if that works. I also use essential oil diffuser to diffuse lavender while I'm away. I know a lot of people have had success with feliaway and other sprayers but for some reason my old boy hates it and doesn't respond to it. He responds very well to lavender though, and will pretty much fall asleep or relax immediately.

I've tried having my family watch my cat while I'm gone, and although they have been living together for many years...if I am gone for over 12 hours (24 hours is the longest without a tantrum), he does throw a fit. He will purposely make himself throw up (+1 throw up every 12 hours I'm gone) and yowl constantly (only if my other cat is not there). It didn't matter if the other members of the family tried calming him down or what, he's just a really needy cat and will break down if I'm not there.

It might get better over time...especially if you are gone for over 48 hours. I know it's hard not to worry but especially if your cat has another kitty companion, I think Jinx will be fine.
My old boy breaks down COMPLETELY if his companion is not there. I cannot imagine him being alone for over 1 hour without my other cat. Since Jinx has Java, I think it'll be ok. Even if Jinx doesn't want to play with Java and starts freaking out while you are gone, Java will act kind of like a solid "grounding" point that Jinx can hold on to. If that makes sense, that's at least what my cat does lol!

I know it'll be hard but I promise it'll be ok, cats can figure themselves out if they have a friend and family members that care for them.
For example, I was gone for about a month+ due to military and my boy had a really hard time (threw up once a day the entire month). He stopped throwing up multiple times a day when I specifically asked my sister to at least pet him and calm him down for a good 1-2 hours every day. Otherwise, his throwing up would get worse. His trip to the vet right before this was perfectly fine, blood test, stool test, everything. He's just a very needy cat.
He did stop eating for a little bit but once enticed with treats and wet food, he started eating again. Not as much as when I was there, but definitely at least something to keep him -ok- with.

Anyway, I would definitely try feliaway or other anxiety sprays. For me, the best thing that worked for me was essential oil lavender diffuser...so just try that out and see. Hopefully it lessens her anxiety.

 

[danteshuman]

My cat Dante is a one human cat. Still he warmed up to my mom... eventually. How? Food & praise. When he would go near her I would toss him a treat (she didn't want to bother giving him a treat.) I would pet him and encourage her to pet him. It took months but over time he got braver & braver. Until one day I find him getting up into her lap like he has always been doing it.

 

[cryptic]

Thanks for the suggestions, I'll try anxiety sprays. I can't diffuse lavender as my mother is very allergic. Will keep you posted.

 

[pisces7386]

Cryptic, How have the sprays worked? I dealing with a similar issue with my cat, Bear. He is super attached to both my husband and me. His happy place is between both of us on the couch, touching both of us.

My husband has been traveling for work for 3 days now and I am ready to pull my hair out. Bear just stomps around the house meowing (normally he makes very little noise). He only stops for about an hour after a meal.

 

[danteshuman]

If your husband rarely leaves (like once or twice a year) why not cheat a little and give him anti=anxiety meds for those couple of days? Besides putting out some of your husbands dirty laundry by his favorite bed, a feliway diffusser & ignoring him (or in my case picking him up and carrying him around like a baby).... I'm afraid I'm out of ideas.