Semi-Feral Cat Won't Warm Up to Me

[sprin]

It's good that she lays near you and isn't always hiding from you. You guys already have sort of a relationship, even if it's just a relaxing in the same room relationship. I haven't read through this whole thread yet, so forgive me if this has been suggested. But I bonded with my semi feral cat a lot initially by playing with him with wand toys. It was something he genuinely enjoyed, without any stress factor. He knew it was something we were doing together. Eventually that just led to him wanting to spend more time with me. Especially since Belle is playing all night with your cat, it sounds like play bonding would probably help some. You might have to close your other cat in a room and play with them seperatly so that Belle gets one-on-one attention.

I also just slowly ramped up the petting. Like, the first couple months I could pet him like twice before he swatted me. So I just did that as much as he would tolerate it without leaving. Also, feeding a cat is pretty powerful for them. So maybe you could sit near her while she eats her regular food. Then move closer and closer. Eventually try getting her to lick food off your fingers or from a long spoon before you feed her a meal, so she's a little hungry. Baby food is super good for this, I've never found a cat who didn't enjoy baby food. I guess if she's more of a hard food kind of cat though, you could find a dry treat that motivates her.

Also, this is an issue that's gone on her whole life and your mom is a vet tech, so I'm sure this was an avenue that was explored. But it might be worth it to take Belle to the vet to make sure she isn't having any pain issues that need to be taken care of. Also, if her hair is getting really matted, that could be painful and make her not want people to touch her.

 

[nickirows]

 
I'm pleased you're continuing with the brushing.  Hopefully when she's all done, it can be a 5 minute a day job that she might actually enjoy.  

I'm still on the case with Dudley.  I hadn't given him a proper brush for about a month, only a swift couple of strokes here and there whilst he was standing, should have done it when he was lying down.  HIs fur doesn't mat but I knew it wasn't right and I needed to get on the case and do some cat care (felt like such a sloppy, lackadaisical parent).   After the 1st brush, using the wrong brush (doh!).  He was really appreciative but his fur still felt and looked wrong afterward.  So, the next day I waterless shampooed, towelled, then brushed him straight after, which on refection I should have left him to dry.  On the third day, I brushed him again and he's starting to feel normal once more.  I've been brushing him here and there ever since and his fur is starting to fluff up nicely, and feels soft and silky .  And, we've become even closer than before, we were always close  

I will NEVER leave him that long again.  I feel embarrassed admitting it publicly but I thought it might give you encouragement, and to know that I, at least, don't always practice what I preach  

I never expected you to do so! (: We all have goals and I know I dreadfully neglect mine all the time (yes, unfinished study guide for exam on Monday, I am looking at you). I'm glad that you decided to pick it up again with Dudley! It sounds like he's happy to have the attention again. I like to brush Belle while I'm watching television. It's not that I find brushing her to be boring, per se, but... it's not as fun as other things, especially when she's not exactly enjoying it herself. Unlike you, however, I have yet to bathe her. It will be a while too, since I head to New York City next Saturday for a week (she'll be glad to be rid of me for a bit, no doubt!)

 
It's good that she lays near you and isn't always hiding from you. You guys already have sort of a relationship, even if it's just a relaxing in the same room relationship. I haven't read through this whole thread yet, so forgive me if this has been suggested. But I bonded with my semi feral cat a lot initially by playing with him with wand toys. It was something he genuinely enjoyed, without any stress factor. He knew it was something we were doing together. Eventually that just led to him wanting to spend more time with me. Especially since Belle is playing all night with your cat, it sounds like play bonding would probably help some. You might have to close your other cat in a room and play with them seperatly so that Belle gets one-on-one attention.

I also just slowly ramped up the petting. Like, the first couple months I could pet him like twice before he swatted me. So I just did that as much as he would tolerate it without leaving. Also, feeding a cat is pretty powerful for them. So maybe you could sit near her while she eats her regular food. Then move closer and closer. Eventually try getting her to lick food off your fingers or from a long spoon before you feed her a meal, so she's a little hungry. Baby food is super good for this, I've never found a cat who didn't enjoy baby food. I guess if she's more of a hard food kind of cat though, you could find a dry treat that motivates her.

Also, this is an issue that's gone on her whole life and your mom is a vet tech, so I'm sure this was an avenue that was explored. But it might be worth it to take Belle to the vet to make sure she isn't having any pain issues that need to be taken care of. Also, if her hair is getting really matted, that could be painful and make her not want people to touch her.

No need to read all through this! (: I realise it's rather long, haha. Your advice is appreciated! I never thought of it like that, the idea that we already have a relationship merely by being in the same room. Yet it seems obvious when you point it out. I said aloud to her just now that we have a relationship, and she glared at me, so I'm thinking it's rather a one-sided relationship, but a relationship nonetheless! The toy idea is excellent as well! I play with her sometimes with a wand, but it's difficult because she's very cautious not to get too close to me, and I simply don't have a wand long enough. So I'll usually end up playing fetch (only I never actually get the balls back). I should probably make more of an effort with the wand though, since I know she definitely likes those and it's really a lack of willingness to stretch on my part that's holding us back.

Ramping up the petting, however, is out of the question for the time being. I still can't casually pet her like most people can do with their cats. I have to physically catch her, then pet her. I take that time to brush her too. Bonding while she's eating is a good idea, though I'm hesitant to go near her while she's eating out of her food bowl (I want her to always feel like her food bowl is a safe place -- I don't want her to be afraid of that area, you know?) I bought a bag of wet tuna treats, but she turned her nose up at a chunk and left it to dry on the floor. I suppose Her Highness wanted it heated first? Otherwise, she eats dry food (it helps keep their teeth clean, and also this one helps bolster immune systems and reduce hair balls). I think my mom found a treat Belle loved, so I'll have to ask her what that was and see what I can do with it.

We did do that! We take her to the vet every few years and she always gets a clean bill of health. I'm a nursing student so I try to apply those principles to her as well at rest, i.e. watching her respiration rate, and when I'm brushing her, i.e. capillary refill, heart rate, gums. For example, her respiratory rate is usually normal (20-30bpm) but by the end of our brushing session, it had rocketed up to 74bpm... so I decided it was likely best to put her down, haha. Hopefully, each day I brush her, she'll exhibit fewer and fewer signs of anxiety...

The only "concerning" things I noticed were a few bald spots, or spots with very short hair, but they were in areas where I had previously been forced to cut out mats so I presume they're due to that. I'm keeping an eye on them though. The last thing was I noticed one of her canines was chipped. This could be causing her pain, so I'll have to call my mom tomorrow and ask if she's noticed the tooth before and if so, if it's been treated. I don't remember her ever having any dental problems though. Fingers crossed it was an uncomplicated fracture that was treated in the past!

 

[nickirows]

Update, for anyone that is interested.

Belle's tooth is fine. Her bald spots (either self-inflicted or caused by my whacking out mats) are grown back.

As for our cat-slave relationship, it is still regretfully lacking. I gave up on the daily petting long ago as it only seemed to give her further reason to plot my death while I sleep. Instead, I have opted for weekly brushing and cuddling sessions (aka bondage and aftercare). She no longer does her business all over my floor, so I can accept a cat who holds me in the same esteem as a frog — though she pays more loving (hungry) attention to my pet frogs, to be quite honest.

I haven't quite given up hope, however. My mother revealed the secret to Belle's cold heart: Whisker Lickin's Crunch Lovers cat treats. I only need to shake the can for Belle to go barmy, skittering out from whatever hellhole she was in. I've taken to throwing them to her (sans eye contact, of course), gradually throwing them closer and closer. Eventually, I will spread out my hand on the ground and place the treat between my fingers. She won't eat it from there, of course, but instead impales my flesh with her claws in a mad attempt to drag it away from me.

In conclusion: Cat Attract Problem Cat Litter? $16.99. Whisker Lickin's Crunch Lovers? $6.87. The anguished yet manic look on Belle's face when she has to willingly come near me to get her treat? Priceless.

 

[nickirows]

Latest Update: The key to love really is through food, apparently.

After 10 months, Belle finally came up to me today, willingly, and allowed me to pet her. Only for a few seconds at a time, however, before flinching away -- like a moth to a flame. But regardless, I was able to stroke her back and scratch her jaw and I'm quite content. To anyone with a cat who seemingly hates them, feed them junk food until they love you.