Return Cat To Shelter?

[CatInTheHat93]

I apologize if this isn't the right category, but I need help with this decision. Also I apologize if this is long, I wasn't sure where to start.

Over a year ago I lost my childhood cat, Albert, to cancer. Albert and I were very close, and it broke my heart to lose him. Due to this, I held off on getting a new cat. I waited a whole year, and then I met Oscar. When I met Oscar at the shelter, he followed me around begging to be pet and I thought he could be the cat for me. So after mulling it over, I adopted him about 3 weeks ago.

Oscar is only two years old, so he's quite a bit more rambuncious than I am used to. I rolled up my sleeves and made dedicated play time to expend his energy. After trying many different toys, I can't seem to exhaust him. He always wants to play more. And now, when I try to pet him he bites me hard enough to draw blood. I assume he's over stimulated and needs to be played with more, but I can't seem to play with him enough to make him stop biting me. I do stop playing with him when he bites me, but he doesn't seem to be getting the message. He also keeps yowling at me if I don't play with him. I'm playing with him as much as I can, and I got him a variety of toys (chaser toys, treat hiding toys, interactive toys, etc.) but I'm starting to wonder if I'm not a good fit for him.

His constant biting, getting into things, and yowling is stressing me out to the point where I don't want to go home. Plus I don't feel like I'm bonding with him at all. I don't really love this cat, and he seems indifferent to me. The best moments I have with Oscar is when we manage to sit quietly in the same room together.

I love how confident Oscar is, but I wish he was more cuddly and frankly a bit less energetic. Another issue is, I am a college student and come September I will have even less time to play with Oscar. Therefore I am left with a tough decision, do I return him to the shelter? Or will we bond with more time?

I have never returned a cat to the shelter before, and I'm just worried that I'm giving up too easily. And on the other hand, Oscar would easily be adopted again and I worry about getting him too well adapted to his new life if I'm going to rip it away from him. I just don't know, but things can't continue as they are.

I appreciate any advice you can provide.

 

[himawari]

I think three weeks is too soon to tell if a cat is bonded to you. It took me close to six months to fully bond with my cat, who is also prone to biting that no one told me. When he bites, tap him on the nose or just hold his head (between his ears) for about a second and firmly say no. An advice from my local cat shelter lady is to also spray him (about 6 inches away from the face). You can also startle him by dropping something, yelling loudly or just clapping your hands really loud. He'll begin to associate biting to negative things happening. I mostly do the first one and occasionally the third, and he has stopped biting me hard (mostly he gives me a soft love-bite but even then I tell him no just in case he gets any funny ideas).

As for the yowling/noise, it's best to ignore if you can't play with him. When he yowls and you return to playing with him that allows him to understand that by making a racket, he'll get your attention. Honestly, I think 5-15min of playtime three/two times a day is fine for a cat.

If you really feel that you two aren't fit for each other then return him to a no-kill animal shelter. And if you want a less energetic cat, consider an older cat (after five years of age).

 

[Cat Sidhe]

Hi CatInTheHat93! Welcome to the forums!

First of all, I´m very sorry for your loss. Loosing your childhood cat is always very tough, but it´s great to hear you could open your heart to Oscar.

So, in my humble opinion:
I think that if he chose you at the shelter, he chose you for a reason.

I completely understand that you feel like you´re not bonded with your cat, but as
himawari said, it´s too soon. It will happen naturally over time. I also adopted an adult cat less than a month ago and I feel like I only see the top of the iceberg with her. As your Oscar, mine is not cuddly at all, but I know that being in a cat shelter can be one of the most stressing experiences for a cat. Let him realise that he has a new home, is loved and is safe. After only three weeks probably your cat is still overexcited and does not believe his good luck. Many cats react differently, and some come from the shelter with some baggage so you´ll have to read the signs.

I´m no big expert here but I hope one of the veterans will read your post soon and give better advice. In the meantime, here are some articles that could help a liitle bit:

Aggression in Cats
The interesting part is the "petting related aggression (overstimulation)"

Five Steps for Correcting Petting-Induced Aggression in Cats

Regarding the yowling, are you sure it´s "attention-seeking" yowling? Maybe it´s related to hunger, thirst or pain? Did you ask your vet about all these things?

As a side note, try using positive reinforcement when possible, and think different ways to make your home more cat friendly so Oscar does not get bored while your are on college. All these things will take time and effort so you really, really, reaaaally need to think if you are up to the challenge/ready for the journey.

 

[CatInTheHat93]

Hello again!

Thanks himawari and Cat Sidhe! You're both right three weeks is too soon to be expecting us to be bonded. I'm remembering the bond I had with Albert and am expecting such a bond immediately from Oscar, which is unreasonable. I don't think I will give up on Oscar just yet, and will instead put some concentrated effort into correcting his behavior issues.

I've been playing with Oscar three times a day for about an hour each and he's still been biting. When he bites me I stop playing with him or petting him and sometimes even walk away from him. So I'm hoping he gets the message. I also need to start dialing back his play time a bit, because I won't have that much time come semester start. I am hoping, that he'll calm down a bit once he's better adjusted and won't need all this play time.

In terms of the meowing, it is attention seeking. He does it when I ignore him because he's been biting. And what he does is he meows, makes sure I notice him, and then does something naughty (knock things over, jump places he's not suppose to be, etc.). And I've been unintentionally encouraging him, because if I see him about to do one of these things I run over and try to stop him. I'm going to make a conscious effort to better cat proof my home, so he can't knock anything important over. Additionally, I'm think of investing in some motion sensor air spray can to deter Oscar from "off limit" areas.

Oscar has also shown some interest in going outside, so I'm also considering getting him a harness and spending some time outside with him.

I'm hoping all of this will help expend some of his energy, and correct his biting issue. If anyone else has any additional ideas, I'm happy to hear them.

 

[Cat Sidhe]

Hi again CatInTheHat93!

It´s sooo good to hear that Oscar is still with you!
All the things you´re trying now should be helping a lot, not only with Oscar´s behaviour but with the bond between you two.

How it´s going? Are you feeling more optimistic when going home?
Also, we love cat pictures in TCS, feel free to post some of your cat!

 

[susanm9006]

One of my cats was an absolute terror when it came to knocking things off counters and furniture, sometimes accidentally but mostly on purpose. So I bought stick on Velcro and stuck down everything she hadn't already broken. It worked great, I could still pick up things I needed but she couldn't move them. Once she found out that items could no long be dropped she started to lose interest in them.

 

[drmroth]

First about the biting or any action that you don't want them to do.

Normally when I talk to my cats I speak in a very loving sweet voice but when they're doing something bad I forcefully say "eh-eh" and that stops them. Of course it takes a little training but they learn that that's different from all the loving voices that I make and so if I say eh-eh they now automatically stop what they're doing.

As for the biting. My younger cat just turned one last month and is now starting to bite more. She'll stop when I say eh-eh but I have to think deeper than that and figure out why she's wanting to bite. So I bought her these biting toys by petstages, put them on a stick where she can chase them and bite them when she catches them. It's made of a material that they like to bite.

Now for tiring him out. Dusty wanted my attention constantly and it made me sad to see that he needed more than I could give him so I finally decided to get him a friend. Enter CoCo. They run and chase each other all over - they're so cute together.

Bonding. I've had many cats throughout my life and I've had a different bond with each one. I had one that would spoon with me when sleeping, another that was fine just being in the same room as me and others that were in between. You love them all, just in different ways. Like real children, and you can't give them back . It is interesting though. Dusty and I had a very strong bond but once CoCo came in Dusty is no longer super close to me. That kind of makes me sad but I'm happy that he's close to her. The nice thing is that CoCo is close with me but who knows, I guess they can change with age.

 

[kikilove]

Hey CITH- I can so relate to your position. My cat Jack practically buried his head into my stomach when I was sitting at the shelter. He was 6 at the time (3 yrs ago) and I adopted him on the spot. He has never done that thing again. Weird, right? I truly believe they have their own ways of saying "please pick me."
Two stories. First one is about my beloved BB who died at 21 yrs old. It was 3.5 years ago and I miss him to this day. I'm so sorry for your loss. We adopted an 8 month old to be a friend to Desi, our older cat who had been BB's bestie. The youngster terrorized Desi. He lost 3 pounds in 6 weeks and wouldn't come out from under the bed. We made a difficult decision to return her to foster. I was devastated and cried for a couple of weeks. I couldn't believe I was returning an animal, like a pair of shoes I'd changed my mind about. I wrote a biography about Ruffles to attract future adopters and stayed in touch with the foster. Ruffles was adopted 4 months later and I was over the moon. Point is, it's a tough decision but sometimes we have to make those. Second story is about our current 8-10 month old, Bunny, who we rescued 2 months ago. She'd been living under someone's porch. She was terrified and lethargic from not eating. She slept for a month (I was worried). And then she got better. She currently rules over all 3 of the other feline residents, to great hissing and swatting... and yet we're keeping her. We love her to bits and are ok with dealing with the special issues a kitten brings to a family. She's a baby. Her energy is insane and she's still completely nocturnal. There are moments when I look at her and think "ugh, you're a pain in the a**... I'm just a vehicle for your food and play!" Something human moms also experience about their babies and feel deeply guilty about. Point is, a kitten isn't going to act like we want them too and we can get frustrated but that doesn't mean you made a wrong choice. It means you have a youngster who really needs attention. As far as not wanting to come home... I have 4 indoors now and two strays that I care for and today I took a 3 legged possum to the hospital. Most of the time I love my behbehs and am grateful that I can provide for these vulnerable animals. But somedays, I want them to all go away. And again, that's NORMAL. Last thing- there's no better way to cure a cat's boredom and loneliness than adopting a 2nd cat. :0)
You're obviously a very sensitive person who has much to give- I encourage you to give this a bit more time and then, if it's really not working, return it to a no-kill shelter (or even better, try to re-home it yourself! I've found homes for a couple of strays and it's worked out beautifully for all) and try not to shame yourself. Life is hard and it doesn't help to "shi* in one's own hat," as my grandfather used to say.