Resident older male and new younger male not getting along

[daryl the cat]

Last month I took in a stray, neutered male cat who's approx. 3 years old. His name is Dodger. I wasn't looking to get another cat, but had trapped him while trying to catch my neighbor's missing cat. He was really affectionate and his prior owners didn't want him back (long story in another post). My resident male cat, Daryl, is 11 yrs old. He has an affectionate personality as well. He gets along great with my 14-yr-old dog. I adopted an older female cat 5 years ago who had kidney disease (now passed). She was not friendly to him at all, yet he was always nice to her. She was the boss and he just let her be. So when I brought Dodger into the house, I hoped Daryl would be the same with him. Nope. He's a different cat around Dodger. He growls and his hair stands up and his ears flatten. It's gotten worse instead of better.

I kept Dodger separated from the beginning. I exchanged smells on towels. I gave them treats on opposite sides of the gate with encouraging words & praise. I had supervised visits in neutral rooms and gave them treats. Dodger was curious of Daryl, but Daryl continued to show aggressive behavior.

Then the fights happened. I had 2 baby gates stacked in the upstairs hallway, and Dodger jumped them when I was preoccupied. He wandered downstairs and I heard a terrible scream like a panther, I think coming from Dodger. Both times were because Dodger had gotten into the cat tree and Daryl objected. I nailed some cardboard from the ceiling down to the gate, so Dodger can't jump the gates anymore (it looks lovely). Although he's now so terrified of Daryl I don't think he'd jump the gates even if he could. He's confined to the upstairs now and feels safe there. Daryl is not happy that he can't go up there.

Yesterday there was another fight. I forgot to put the gate back up. Daryl had crept upstairs when I was busy in the kitchen. I heard growling and then the fight started. This time it was in the spare bedroom where Dodger's litter box is kept. I yelled at them, which I know is wrong, but it was very upsetting. They scattered to their own spaces. What happened was Daryl deliberately pooped in Dodger's litter box (uncovered). I didn't witness the initial exchange, so I don't know if Dodger came in the room to object, or if he was already in the room and just felt cornered.

I feel like by separating upstairs from downstairs, I have created territories that are making it even harder for integration. Dodger is terrified to go downstairs now and is perfectly happy to just live upstairs. He won't even come to the gate, especially if Daryl is within sight. Daryl is unhappy that he can't go upstairs anymore. Dodger and the dog sleep with me, and Daryl will sometimes sit outside the gate and yowl at night. He feels shunned, and rightfully so. It's turning into a bad situation for everyone. Oh, and Dodger also attacked my sweet dog the other day. I was laying in bed petting both of them and Dodger reached over and attacked him. Jealousy? So now my dog is afraid of Dodger. Sigh...

I'm beginning to think Dodger would be better off rehomed. I love him, but this is unfair to everyone. I'm worried I would never be able to leave them alone together when I'm at work. Not to mention how inconvenient it is to have to remove the lower gate and crawl under it all the time. I can't divide the house permanently. Is this a hopeless situation? How do you know when to concede that the cats simply will never get along?

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

All I can tell you is my experience with trying to integrate my two resident cats with two new "toddlers" (4 1/2 month old kittens). We kept the kittens upstairs in a closed off bedroom for 5 months while we did scent swapping, used a dog crate to bring them out and fed them in it so they could all eat "together" but be safe, did room swapping so the kittens could explore the house, all the steps in the integration protocol, and every day our resident female would sit outside the kittens' safe room and growl and even sometimes attack the door. Even so, we still progressed with integration and started supervised visits with them all free. There was growling and hissing but no blood drawn. Those visits never lasted long though because the stress level of everyone (especially ME) was very high.

Finally, after five long months and seemingly getting nowhere, I told my husband we could not go on this way so let's just open up the door and see what happens. By that time the kittens were big enough to fend for themselves and wouldn't get hurt. One of the kittens outweighed our little girl cat by at least four pounds! So...we did it. And guess what? Nothing happened. No fighting at all. It seemed all she wanted was to be able to go into that room, which really had been her room before they came.

Since Daryl has basically been displaced and can no longer sleep with you and the dog, I can see why he is mad, and of course Dodger felt that anger. Now they are both stressed out by this situation. That may be why Dodger took it out on the dog, since he can't get to Daryl. I can't honestly say whether their relationship can be saved or not at this point. I can tell you that in our household, we had two sets of cats. The originals and the newbies. Never the twain shall meet, if you get my drift. They tolerated each other and that was it. Now we are down to just the newbies as the originals have since passed. We have talked about getting more, but not until these two are gone.

 

[ArtNJ]

I think fights reset progress. So you dont really have a good sense of what a month separated by a quality gate setup could do.

Unfortunately, thinking that "my cat did well with another pet a few years ago" is a common mistake. Cats get less adaptible as they age, and what happened a few years go doesn't seem predictive.

So. . . it likely won't be easy, but if you think you could manage a month without accidents, there is a decent chance you could get on the typical track for these things. Which is still not precisely easy or stress free, but at least you wouldn't have to worry your a misstep away from bloodshed.

I would never judge negatively if someone can find a quality home for the new cat in this situation, but I do think there is a good chance you could get on the typical (still difficult, but not especially dangerous) track.

 

[daryl the cat]

Thank you both. This gives me some hope. Yes, the fights were a major setback. Until then, they could be in the same room together and even touched noses a few times. One night I had Dodger playing while Daryl watched curiously. The fights changed everything. Now, even when Daryl comes near him non-aggressively, Dodger immediately starts to hiss and react, which in turn sets Daryl off. At least I think that's what's happening. I didn't witness the fights so I can't be sure. Anyway, the gate is escape-proof now. It's a pain in the butt to keep taking down every time I need to pass, but if that's what it will take, I'll do it.

So I've been mulling over some ideas on integration (or, at this point, things I can do to ease Dodger's fear). Please let me know your thoughts:

I don't want to reinforce this upstairs/downstairs territory I've created. I thought of putting each into the other's space for a while each night so they can sniff and explore.

I tried treats at the gate today, but Dodger saw Daryl and ran away. I may be able to coax him over in time though. I want to try feeding them at the gate again. I thought if I moved Dodger's dish farther away from Daryl and the gate, he may be more likely to stay and eat.

What to do about bedtime? I don't want Daryl to feel shut out. I could let Daryl come upstairs at night and shut Dodger in the spare room where his litter box is. He often goes in there to sleep anyway. I don't know if he'll yowl to get out, but I could try it.

One more question. Is using the other's litter box and not covering the poop an act of aggression? Or just a normal part of establishing a pecking order?

 

[Furballsmom]

I agree with all three of your points. Pooping in the other's litter would be a territorial statement, at least at this stage of things, I believe.

Time, and patience

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

I would definitely give your ideas a try. Can't hurt

 

[daryl the cat]

Just an update in case anyone else is having a similar problem. I still have them separated. There's been some progress, but it has been slow. In the evenings when Daryl is glued next to me on the couch, I let Dodger out to roam around. He's young and energetic and always exploring and jumping on things. Daryl often watches him but doesn't try to get down and go after him. As long as he's got his spot next to me, he seems content. A few times Dodger jumped on the couch and got in my lap. Daryl looked at him but didn't hiss or react. I petted both of them and told them what good cats they were. Then Dodger jumped down and left for another adventure. I make every association a positive one with treats and/or petting.

I tried to switch them around so Daryl could spend time upstairs when Dodger was downstairs. Daryl objected to this and would resist. He's not the type of cat you can just pick up and relocate. Everything has to be his idea Daryl will sometimes creep upstairs on his own and I give him time and space to do that.

There's been only one altercation since the fights from before. Dodger was in the kitchen, and in a split second Daryl went into the kitchen. I heard a hiss and Daryl was chasing him. Dodger jumped onto a chair and Daryl tried to swat at him. I intervened and they went their separate ways. This time I just said to knock it off and didn't react. I think I made the fights so much worse before by yelling and getting upset.

Daryl has different moods. Some days he doesn't pay attention to Dodger and acts like his old self. Other days he just stares at him through the gate and I can tell from his body language that he wants to kick his butt.

I know it's a marathon and not a sprint.

 

[Furballsmom]

Thanks for a wonderful update