Resident cat is desperate to play with new kitten but the kitten is terrified of him (hissing and growling)

[Cyborg_Catgirl]

Hi,

So I have a 1 and a half year old Maine Coon boy that is very playful, gentle and well behaved. Because of his personality he gets very lonely and is in desperate need of a friend / playmate.

As such we decided to adopt another Maine Coon kitten from the same breeder for him to hopefully get along with. She is currently 17 weeks old. Same as Baron she is very well socialized and has been around other kittens, adults and even dogs since birth before we adopted her.

Now there were zero issues with introduction as our boy (Baron) showed no aggressive and only curiosity. We still keep him and the new girl (Nessie) separate for a few days and did slow introductions, smell swap etc.

They both roam the house now no bother at all and will touch noses and show no aggressive behaviour. However that all changes when it comes to play. Baron wants nothing more than to play with Nessie and he desperately tries to get her to engage in chasing, or light paffing. He is very gentle. But Nessie is simply terrified of him. She will immediately go into defence mode, ears back, growling and hissing and often backs herself into a corner which doesn't help things. We separate them when this happens but it just repeats again later in the day.

This has been going on for awhile now with no improvement. Its really depressing poor Baron and I can see Nessie becoming more skittish in general. She has even started to back away from him in casual settings and growl if he gets too close. Baron will just sit in the room watching and waiting for her to come play with him but she never will.

I so want them to be friends but I don't know if it's possible at this rate. Am I doing something wrong? Or are their personalities just at odds to each other?

Its been two weeks so I know it's early days but we are all out of ideas about what to do? Is there any hope of fixing this or is it just not going to work.

If its just going to make them both unhappy I would rather she went to a home where she could be more comfortable even though it breaks my heart to do so.

Any advice you could give me would be amazing as we are getting really upset here and don't know what to do.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

It is very early days, indeed. And although poor Baron is a gentle giant, he's also far, far bigger than the cats she is accustomed to being around. However, since they do get along to some degree, let's try building some positive associations with the two of them. Are they eating together? There is very little more positive in a cat's life than the supper dish. If they eat well next to each other, they're going to get along, eventually. Also, try holding Nessie on your lap and allowing Baron to approach her while she is feeling secure with your presence. I think that once she hits her first real growth spurt, a lot of this is going to disappear.

C calicosrspecial , you are so good with introductions. Can you help us out here?

 

[ArtNJ]

Kittens normally get over this on their own in under a week. Two weeks is indeed unusual, and I agree its time to think about whether you can help. It certainly cant hurt to try anyone's suggestions. However, I'm not entirely convinced there is a ton that one can do other than giving them more time or backing up and doing a more fullsome introduction process. For example, you could separte them by a baby gate (might need to double stack if someone whats to jump it) for a week. I might give them another week before doing that. Kitten adaptibility will likely come through in the end. You just don't really hear about kittens being permanently afraid of another cat that is being gentle.

 

[Hellenww]

How does Baron react to being hissed at? If he backs down or just stops trying to approach her then stay close but let them work it out. She's saying "I'm scared of you, stay away" If he is respecting the hiss she will learn that he means her no harm and might even be fun.

Make some spots she can go that he can't. Closed cardboard boxes with Nessie size holes would work great.

 

[calicosrspecial]

Hi,

So I have a 1 and a half year old Maine Coon boy that is very playful, gentle and well behaved. Because of his personality he gets very lonely and is in desperate need of a friend / playmate.

As such we decided to adopt another Maine Coon kitten from the same breeder for him to hopefully get along with. She is currently 17 weeks old. Same as Baron she is very well socialized and has been around other kittens, adults and even dogs since birth before we adopted her.

Now there were zero issues with introduction as our boy (Baron) showed no aggressive and only curiosity. We still keep him and the new girl (Nessie) separate for a few days and did slow introductions, smell swap etc.

They both roam the house now no bother at all and will touch noses and show no aggressive behaviour. However that all changes when it comes to play. Baron wants nothing more than to play with Nessie and he desperately tries to get her to engage in chasing, or light paffing. He is very gentle. But Nessie is simply terrified of him. She will immediately go into defence mode, ears back, growling and hissing and often backs herself into a corner which doesn't help things. We separate them when this happens but it just repeats again later in the day.

This has been going on for awhile now with no improvement. Its really depressing poor Baron and I can see Nessie becoming more skittish in general. She has even started to back away from him in casual settings and growl if he gets too close. Baron will just sit in the room watching and waiting for her to come play with him but she never will.

I so want them to be friends but I don't know if it's possible at this rate. Am I doing something wrong? Or are their personalities just at odds to each other?

Its been two weeks so I know it's early days but we are all out of ideas about what to do? Is there any hope of fixing this or is it just not going to work.

If its just going to make them both unhappy I would rather she went to a home where she could be more comfortable even though it breaks my heart to do so.

Any advice you could give me would be amazing as we are getting really upset here and don't know what to do.

I am pretty much with MamanyT1953 and ArtNJ. I think that advice its excellent.

With that said I will just address a few things.

"So I have a 1 and a half year old Maine Coon boy that is very playful, gentle and well behaved. Because of his personality he gets very lonely and is in desperate need of a friend / playmate." - Very positive and helps in getting success in time.

"As such we decided to adopt another Maine Coon kitten from the same breeder for him to hopefully get along with. She is currently 17 weeks old. Same as Baron she is very well socialized and has been around other kittens, adults and even dogs since birth before we adopted her." - Excellent she has shown willingness to get along.

"Now there were zero issues with introduction as our boy (Baron) showed no aggressive and only curiosity. We still keep him and the new girl (Nessie) separate for a few days and did slow introductions, smell swap etc." - Excellent

"They both roam the house now no bother at all and will touch noses and show no aggressive behaviour." - This is great so it can and does happen.

"However that all changes when it comes to play. Baron wants nothing more than to play with Nessie and he desperately tries to get her to engage in chasing, or light paffing." - Yes, so what I would do her is pull out a toy and try to get him to play with a toy (and see if Nessie might even join in or at worst watch him play.

"He is very gentle. But Nessie is simply terrified of him. She will immediately go into defence mode, ears back, growling and hissing and often backs herself into a corner which doesn't help things." - Yes, trust is still being built. So here I would distract him with a toy, or food, or words. Anything to get him focused on anything but her. She should then learn that he is "ok" and not a threat but a friend in time.

"We separate them when this happens" - How do you do it? In a positive way? Toy, food, etc? Or pick one up?

" but it just repeats again later in the day." - Yes, trust needs to be bulit.

"This has been going on for awhile now with no improvement." - Ok, for how long?

" Its really depressing poor Baron " - Yes so pulling out a toy to get him to play might help. Then feed after play.

"and I can see Nessie becoming more skittish in general." - Yes, this is where getting him distracted should build her trust and confidence.

" She has even started to back away from him in casual settings and growl if he gets too close." - Yes, so distract him in a positive way and reassure her in calm, confident loving words. The more she sees him looking away, going away the more trust she should get.

"Baron will just sit in the room watching and waiting for her to come play with him but she never will." - :/ Poor guy. BUT it will happen. She will learn to trust him. Just try to get him to enjoy himself play, love (if safe), etc.

"I so want them to be friends but I don't know if it's possible at this rate. " - Absolutely it is possible, I think they should be fine.

"Am I doing something wrong?" - No. I would just distract him in a positive way to give her space and feed them together so they can have a positive association as Mamanyt1953 mentions.

". Or are their personalities just at odds to each other?" - I don't think so. They get along a lot of the time so I don't really see issues.

"Its been two weeks so I know it's early days" - 2 weeks is really not that long. I would not worry.

"but we are all out of ideas about what to do?" - Please see above. Distract him in a positive way, get him to play, feed them together, reassure her ins a calm, confident, loving way. If we can get him a bit less interested in her she can gain her confidence, build that trust then they can play a little later.

"Is there any hope of fixing this or is it just not going to work." - Absolutely there is hope. In fact, I don't think there are any real issues. If you do the above I think you will see her build that trust soon.

"If its just going to make them both unhappy I would rather she went to a home where she could be more comfortable even though it breaks my heart to do so." - Not even something I would be thinking about. I don't think there will be any need.

Let's see how they respond to the above (what I mention and what Mamanyt1953 and ArtNJ mention) and see how they respond.

"Any advice you could give me would be amazing as we are getting really upset here" - Please don't get upset. Firstly, I don't think there is any real reason to (other than it isn't perfect yet). And secondly, cats take on our emotions so the more stressed, upset, anxious we get the more they pick up on it and feel the same way. Just distract him in a positive way, reassure her, make those positive associations (eating together), positive encounters (being near each other in a positive way), love them, hang out with them, etc.

"and don't know what to do. " - hopefully the above helps.

We'll see how they respond and adjust as needed. But I don't really read any reason why they will not be fine fairly soon. They both seem like great cats and so far they get along well (other than the response to play which is understandable). So if we can get him a little less interested in her play to give her time to gain trust and confidence that would be great.

please ask any questions for clarification or anything else. I would not worry, I think they are going to be fine and everyone posting on here is excellent so we'll make it work!!!