Reserved Cat

[Bluuuii]

So I posted not too long ago about introducing my cats - it has gone really well! Thank you so much for all the tips
Anyways, Iris has really warmed up to Jussi and they play everyday and they groom each other and sit together in the window. It's the cutest thing!
I have however noticed that since she now has full access to roam around the apartment she has become more reserved towards me and my partner. Not at all like she was in her "sanctuary room". I don't know if it is because she doesn't trust us - but I spent hours just sitting with her in the room talking to her to make her trust me more. And she did, and she loved cuddling up beside me, but she is so reserved now. Is it because of lacking confidence or something? Is there anything I can do to make it easier for her? I play with her everyday to bond, but i dunno

 

[Bluuuii]

I dunno if I did something wrong maybe

 

[Mamanyt1953]

No, but you are no longer the entire focus of her world. She's finding herself in her new home, and becoming independent rather than clingy. That means you did it RIGHT, not WRONG. Keep playing with her, and let her just take her time.

I know how hard that can be. I bottle-reared my cat, and when she got older, she seemed to barely pay attention to me at all for awhile. Then I noticed that she'd be in whatever room I was in, not on me, not being "affectionate," but there. The older she gets, the more affectionate she becomes.

 

[Bluuuii]

No, but you are no longer the entire focus of her world. She's finding herself in her new home, and becoming independent rather than clingy. That means you did it RIGHT, not WRONG. Keep playing with her, and let her just take her time.

I know how hard that can be. I bottle-reared my cat, and when she got older, she seemed to barely pay attention to me at all for awhile. Then I noticed that she'd be in whatever room I was in, not on me, not being "affectionate," but there. The older she gets, the more affectionate she becomes.

Yeah, i see what you mean. Its probably something more human, to feel like you need confirmation that your pet still loves you. But as long as she is happy and seem like she is a confident comfortable kitty it still makes me happy. Even if she might never be as affectionate as i wish.
Thanks

 

[ArtNJ]

Mamany is right that having another cat to play with definitely will make a difference, and also right not to worry, that it will work out with time. Maybe I can help speed it up a bit though. I've found cats are very habit/ritual based -- and the habit/ritual was getting petted *in the safe room*. It sounds weird, but if you summon/lure her back to the safe room with a call noise and treats, I bet you'll have more success petting her there. If so, do that for a bit, then we can work on expanding it by using the treats and call noise to teach her that another spot is good too. Please let me know if this works -- its mostly my theory right now, haven't seen any official experts talk about this, just something I've noticed.

 

[Bluuuii]

Mamany is right that having another cat to play with definitely will make a difference, and also right not to worry, that it will work out with time. Maybe I can help speed it up a bit though. I've found cats are very habit/ritual based -- and the habit/ritual was getting petted *in the safe room*. It sounds weird, but if you summon/lure her back to the safe room with a call noise and treats, I bet you'll have more success petting her there. If so, do that for a bit, then we can work on expanding it by using the treats and call noise to teach her that another spot is good too. Please let me know if this works -- its mostly my theory right now, haven't seen any official experts talk about this, just something I've noticed.

That sounds like a pretty interesting idea actually, gonna try it as soon as the heat lets up a little bit. Both the cats seem to avoid contact with both each other and me since we are all slowly melting into puddles... haha. Either way, if i have any success with your idea i will let you know. Cause you are already right about her being more open to petting in the "safe room"

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Mamany is right that having another cat to play with definitely will make a difference, and also right not to worry, that it will work out with time. Maybe I can help speed it up a bit though. I've found cats are very habit/ritual based -- and the habit/ritual was getting petted *in the safe room*. It sounds weird, but if you summon/lure her back to the safe room with a call noise and treats, I bet you'll have more success petting her there. If so, do that for a bit, then we can work on expanding it by using the treats and call noise to teach her that another spot is good too. Please let me know if this works -- its mostly my theory right now, haven't seen any official experts talk about this, just something I've noticed.

I will certainly be remembering this, and either pass it along, or tag you, when this comes up again!

 

[KarenKat]

I experienced exactly what A ArtNJ mentions. Olive was so cuddly when we adopted her, and it took months for her to leave her safe room and feel confident in the same room as our other two. Once she did, she wanted to explore and do other things, and I was no longer her "safe spot" to run to in strange rooms. Also, when I pet her and she isn't comfortable, she tends not to find that enjoyable. I think they like pets when they want to let their guard down, which just doesn't happen in a new spot.

Now that she is really comfortable, she is back on my lap more. Not as much as the first few weeks, but definitely more than recently. In the end, we like snuggles but even we want a break from them too, lol.

 

[ArtNJ]

Yeah. I have never volunteered with rehabs or anything like that, no science or expertise behind my thinking, just something I've noticed from owning cats over many years. For example, Rocky is a 9 year old former stray we rescued 6 years ago. She is now, after many years, randomly affectionate anywhere, but for a long time she only wanted to be pet in certain spots and situations, and some of these rituals persist. For example, if I go into the bedroom to talk to my wife during the day, Rocky immediately begins eyeing me, and if I lie down she will come climb on me and purr up a storm. I've seen that you can expand the rituals - for example, I got her to lie on me on the couch - and that they can expand on their own -- she will get on you if your on the floor stretching.

I think of it like this. Probably we are a little scary to the shy/rescued ones for a long time -- even once they start to generally like us. So they cue to things like us stomping around in a hurry -- bad avoid! -- and similarly imagine that they have learned situations where we are good, calm and safe to get pets from. So in their little minds they think they have learned that its safe to get pets when sitting behind you on the armchair, when your taking a bath (as some have reported) or in other limited and sometimes weird situations/times. So I started to think about strategies to expand those situations.

So if we think about @bluiii's situation from this perspective, her cat learned she was safe, calm and trustworthy *in the safe room*. Bluiii was initially surprised that the cat wasn't as friendly elsewhere, but elsewhere and in other situations Bluiii sometimes moves fast, turns on the vacuum, whatever. So in the cat's mind, there is still one learned situation where Bluii is calm and good to get pets from, and it will take time (or a strategy such as I suggest) to expand those situations. In other words, I don't think cats generally go from no trust to full trust -- its fits and starts, and they learn to trust in little chunks like "I can trust you in the safe room"