I met this guy the summer before last and we really hit it off from the beginning. I guess we were both overly optimistic and ending up getting engaged within a couple months of going out. Everything was perfect for probably around 6 months, then things started to fall apart.
Well, not really fall apart, but we began to really get to know each other as most people do around the 6 month point. This is where people stop hiding the bad habits and stop acting like a new romantic couple, especially since we were practically living together.
After finding out his true nature and quirks, I wasn't so sure I wanted to continue toward the path of marriage without further investigation, so at around the 8 month or so point I called off plans and we went to the "just dating" stage. This was very hard for both of us because almost from the point we started dating we were "engaged" so turning back and going through the steps we never took before was really almost impossible.
But somehow we ended up doing it, and it wasn't all that bad. We had quite a roller coaster, just like any new relationship, but we always wanted to stick it out. But there came a point in time when I realized that this was not the man I was going to marry. The thing was, although I think he was a really nice guy, he wasn't for me and it was bluntly obvious. If I were to make a list of the top 10 qualities I'd want in a man he'd be lucky to have one.
So what did this mean? Well, it wasn't really logical to turn him into just Mr. Right Now or whatever, I mean we were engaged and we had spent a while living together and I couldn't begin to explain that I wanted it to be a not so serious relationship. Eventually though, I tried to communicate this to him and he fought me every step of the way. He made promises he could never keep to do things he could never do and because I felt I had some responsibility to this relationship I gave him chance after chance to prove himself to me.
But then I realized that he shouldn't HAVE to change for me, and that he couldn't change for me even if he wanted to. He didn't understand why the changes were important to me so him changing would only be on the surface if at all, and I could not put either of us through anything rougher than we had already been through.
So I tried to end it several more times but I am very weak when it comes to him. I feel the need to protect him and I never want to see him hurt. I realize that drawing this out hurts both of us more, but the look in his eyes made me just want to love him completely.
So you would understand my shock when in the past couple weeks he has completely lost all interest in me. I guess on some level I am relieved that he won't be the one hurting in this, but on the other hand suddenly I have these strong feelings to not let him go. The hardest part is when I start crying and he doesn't even look at me. I'm upset because when he would cry to me I would melt.
So I don't really know what kind of advice I want. Maybe on how to just let go after fighting for all this time to make it work.. I guess it's time to abandon ship finally, but it's just so hard after all this time and effort I put into it. Plus he was basically my life since I graduated from college, so I don't really know what to do with my time. I don't want to turn into a hermit. I do have some friends but it's hard to connect at this point in my life, it's much easier for me to just hide out in my house and waste away. This is one of the things that has been scaring me for a while, the feelings of abandonment and loneliness. Plus what am I gonna tell the family at thanksgiving and christmas lol! And how do I stop from seeing Joe Loser as a rebound..? Ugh. I don't even know why I get involved in the first place, it always turns out the same
Well, not really fall apart, but we began to really get to know each other as most people do around the 6 month point. This is where people stop hiding the bad habits and stop acting like a new romantic couple, especially since we were practically living together.
After finding out his true nature and quirks, I wasn't so sure I wanted to continue toward the path of marriage without further investigation, so at around the 8 month or so point I called off plans and we went to the "just dating" stage. This was very hard for both of us because almost from the point we started dating we were "engaged" so turning back and going through the steps we never took before was really almost impossible.
But somehow we ended up doing it, and it wasn't all that bad. We had quite a roller coaster, just like any new relationship, but we always wanted to stick it out. But there came a point in time when I realized that this was not the man I was going to marry. The thing was, although I think he was a really nice guy, he wasn't for me and it was bluntly obvious. If I were to make a list of the top 10 qualities I'd want in a man he'd be lucky to have one.
So what did this mean? Well, it wasn't really logical to turn him into just Mr. Right Now or whatever, I mean we were engaged and we had spent a while living together and I couldn't begin to explain that I wanted it to be a not so serious relationship. Eventually though, I tried to communicate this to him and he fought me every step of the way. He made promises he could never keep to do things he could never do and because I felt I had some responsibility to this relationship I gave him chance after chance to prove himself to me.
But then I realized that he shouldn't HAVE to change for me, and that he couldn't change for me even if he wanted to. He didn't understand why the changes were important to me so him changing would only be on the surface if at all, and I could not put either of us through anything rougher than we had already been through.
So I tried to end it several more times but I am very weak when it comes to him. I feel the need to protect him and I never want to see him hurt. I realize that drawing this out hurts both of us more, but the look in his eyes made me just want to love him completely.
So you would understand my shock when in the past couple weeks he has completely lost all interest in me. I guess on some level I am relieved that he won't be the one hurting in this, but on the other hand suddenly I have these strong feelings to not let him go. The hardest part is when I start crying and he doesn't even look at me. I'm upset because when he would cry to me I would melt.
So I don't really know what kind of advice I want. Maybe on how to just let go after fighting for all this time to make it work.. I guess it's time to abandon ship finally, but it's just so hard after all this time and effort I put into it. Plus he was basically my life since I graduated from college, so I don't really know what to do with my time. I don't want to turn into a hermit. I do have some friends but it's hard to connect at this point in my life, it's much easier for me to just hide out in my house and waste away. This is one of the things that has been scaring me for a while, the feelings of abandonment and loneliness. Plus what am I gonna tell the family at thanksgiving and christmas lol! And how do I stop from seeing Joe Loser as a rebound..? Ugh. I don't even know why I get involved in the first place, it always turns out the same