Redirected Aggression issue surpassing a year...

[Jessica_Merlin_Meep]

Hi friends.

My two male cats have been separate for over a year due to a redirected aggression issue in September of 2020. We did the door to door introductions multiple times (3 or 4 times) with no luck. Every time we got them together, our aggressor cat (Meep) would be tense, stalking our victim cat (Merlin), on the verge of being aggressive. We have talked to two behaviorists and are working with their advice.

As of recently we have taken a 3 month trip and we have just returned home. We kept aggressor cat (Meep) boarded during that time and our victim cat (Merlin) at home with a sitter. I guess I should note that we have a dog as well that was staying with a relative during this time.

Since we have been home it has been a slow process reintroducing Meep, firstly to the dog who he has never been super fond of in the first place. My dog is elderly and Meep bullies him, and the fact that Meep hasn't been around a dog in three months, we didn't just throw the two together. We are working with an introduction with them just to be safe, and I think we are almost at a place where we can get them in the same room together but you guys...

We are exhausted. We are tired of this. We have Meep on kitty Prozac and Lorazapam. We have Feliways. My husband and I sleep separately so no cat feels alone. Our new home that we just moved into prior to the inciting incident is separated into sections with sliding doors, huge kitty crates, wire doors that we made for reintroductions. When I get home from work at night, my husband and I have a hug, a kiss, an episode of a show and I retreat into "Meep's area" and we have separate nights. My husband is on a job hunt right now and is limited to "work from home" jobs only so that he can be home for the cats. Not to mention I am incredibly worried that Meep will get depressed, being cooped up in a small area during the day, on constant medication...This whole thing sucks. We are supposed to take a trip in April or May and I feel like at that point if things aren't normal, I have to call this thing off. Like we need to adopt out our little Meep and while it kills me, this cannot go on forever. We have to live our lives. This isn't a happy life for our kitties either. I don't know. I just want someone to say it's okay for me to feel like this and set a deadline because I feel like there's nothing else for me to do. If we go on vacation in April/May and things aren't fixed, we may have to start processes all over again, and I'm not NOT going to live my life because my cats don't get along.

Anyway. If anyone has any advice feel free. I'm just very discouraged and I'm mentally drained.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi
Take a look at this article so you're as informed as you can be. A shelter or rescue may not be the best solution as many are overwhelmed with returned animals from covid adoptions.

“kittens To Good Homes” – How To Find A Good Forever Home For Your Kittens – TheCatSite Articles

However, I'm frankly wondering why you don't stop the meds, adjust the house so its more of a home again, and give meep a nice area that's his very own with toys, food water litter and cat music, live your human lives normally without any expectations of meep while you and your husband give him playtime in his space, and if you have a yard, an outdoor safe enclosure.

You've gone above and beyond, both of you, but your stress has been/is being communicated to both cats. If you're more at ease, they will be as well.

 

[Jessica_Merlin_Meep]

Hi
Take a look at this article so you're as informed as you can be. A shelter or rescue may not be the best solution as many are overwhelmed with returned animals from covid adoptions.

“kittens To Good Homes” – How To Find A Good Forever Home For Your Kittens – TheCatSite Articles

However, I'm frankly wondering why you don't stop the meds, adjust the house and give meep an area that's his very own with toys, food water litter and music, live your human lives normally while giving him playtime and if you have a yard, an outdoor enclosed safe space. You've gone above and beyond, both of you, but your stress has been/is being communicated to both cats. If you're more at ease, they will be as well.

Hi thank you for your reply and the article. I will take a look at it.
Your idea could work if we had the space for it. Right now Meep’s area is our office, the guest room and the guest bath. We go in and and of this area every day for daily things, all while trying to make sure he doesn’t escape. His enclosed space used to be our master bed and bath but we switched it because we don’t *need* to be in our bedroom really except to sleep, so he would be alone in there much of the day. We are more likely to be in the living room area and office area. I don’t think it’s fair to continue keeping him in this confined space indefinitely. Even if we could give him his own space eventually, as some people do and their cats just “ignore” each other, meep unfortunately doesn’t ignore. Even when they got along, meep was a bit of an annoyance to merlin, who is older and doesn’t necessarily enjoy being pestered.

 

[Furballsmom]

You're being held hostage by what you think he feels. He's a cat. If you allow him to, rather than interrupting his day all the time, he'll sleep. Put a camera in the master bedroom with him and test my theory.

He'll be just fine with interactive toys, walks or buggy rides, yard time in an enclosed space et al, and a calmer perspective on your part.