Please Help. Don't Know What To Do! :/

[pleasehelpmeandmycat]

This is a longshot, but I'm so desperate.

I have a 4.5-year-old male cat, and ever since we got him as a kitten, I remember him as always being the "playful biting" kind, AKA the cat that isn't extremely affectionate. That being said, he keeps to himself, naps a lot, and goes outside at nights but stays inside the majority of the day.

My 19 month old nephew lives with us, and last night my cat scratched him by the eye twice, deep and bleeding. My cat has bitten and scratched me before, but that's when I play with him. Basically, he minds his own business unless engaged with or annoyed.
My brother (his father) is moving out in 2 months, and we assumed the cat would go with them. Oh, and my parents (more specifically, my mother) don't like our cat, so they're fine with him leaving. Unfortunately, because of what happened our cat has to leave my family entirely. The only people arguing for my cat to stay and for his general well-being are my sister and me.

My family's options are: declaw him or give him away (to someone else, a shelter, adoption agency...). Declawing is absolutely TERRIBLE, so that'll never be an option, and giving him away breaks my heart. He's not too old, (maybe I'm being too cynical about this) but who's going to adopt a 4-5 year old cat that isn't that affectionate? He doesn't like strangers. I also don't wanna give him away because I love him and I'm his favorite member in my family (though I'm in college so I'm not home every so often), I can't part with him.

What do I do? I wanna argue to keep my cat at home but I doubt my parents will allow it, and I won't let them declaw him or give him up. Yes, I understand a baby's state/health/care is more important than a cat, but the cat should be given a second thought, no? Immediately deciding the fate of a cat is terrible, and no one is considering what would happen to him.

I know there are claw caps, but my cat isn't patient enough for me to put them on him. I wanna argue that he stay in my brother or nephew's rooms when they move (my mother wants new furniture desperately because he hates scratching posts, so she doesn't want him near it) or when they come home to visit. Literally anything else. I'd really appreciate some feedback, I don't know if this will get anything in return but please give me some insight or something.

 

[lalagimp]

If the claw caps will work as a solution to keeping him home and in tact, then you need to get an estimate from the grooming center at the vet's office to have them professionally applied. There are things I can see not working between Stewart and I when he was younger, but the vet's office knows how to safely double burrito wrap him screaming and thrashing, to do a blood draw.

This didn't work out well when my boyfriend's son was a toddler. Dumas went after him one day, and that was it - Dumas was surrendered to the shelter. His son still has a scar somewhere, and with the risk of infection, these young kids can have it spread and go downhill fast.

We didn't take Stewart in until the youngest kid was 5, and make it crystal clear that Stewart is adorable, and 100 percent never to be trusted. Do not attempt anything with him without our supervision. Now, Stew's a cool dude and has been living with us for 6 years.

If it were just you and your place and your rules, and no small children, he's perfectly fine. We're lucky we got away with Stewart and no incidents with the kids, but we probably shouldn't have risked it.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Of course, the cat should be considered. However, with what you are facing (family pressure), I'm not sure keeping him will be possible. And I'm with you 100%, declawing is NOT an option, and would only lead to other, and maybe worse, issues. It would be very unfair to keep him confined to one room all the time unless that room was just full of enriching things...trees, toys, window perches, maybe with a cat door leading out to a catio. Would your family be willing/able to talk about an arrangement like that? If not, let me know and I'll be happy to research reliable no-kill shelters or rescues in your area, as a very last resort. I know your heart is breaking, and I'm sending a hug across the miles.

 

[1 bruce 1]

I'm not defending a cat scratching a toddler this bad. But did anyone actually see what happened, before and during the scratch? Were the cat and toddler left to interact without an adult present?

 

[FeebysOwner]

I agree with Mamanyt1953 - about the idea of a separate room. It would only have to be done for 2 months, is that right? Especially, if he has never hurt anyone before the toddler was in the house. Your parents ought to understand that it is more than likely once the toddler is gone, your cat will go back to being his normal self.

And, I also agree with 1 bruce 1 , unless someone actually saw what happened no one knows for sure exactly what the toddler might have done to the cat. If your cat has not been around children, he does not know that 'fighting back' is not considered accepted behavior around kids. All he knows is that this un-furry thing that is just a tad bit bigger than him (compared to the rest of you) is discomforting, and perhaps intimidating (even though unintentionally).

Please consider what lalagimp said about the cat claws and having a pro put them on. That might quell your parents long enough to let your cat stay - and after the toddler is gone, perhaps they could be removed.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Ah HA! I had missed that being confined to one room would only be for a period of two months! In that case, with toys and a tree and extra attention, this might be doable!

 

[Lillie2019]

What if you schedule short playing sessions with him every day? They love feather teasers, wands, wood balls, lasers. Please do not use your hands as toys. A short playing session with the cat every day creates a bond between the guardian and the cat. It will make him feel part of the family. You very well stated that he minds his own business UNLESS ENGAGED or ANNOYED. I wonder if the attack to the toddler was only a self defense action on his part. It is for us as adults to keep close supervision when a cat is around an infant. It is not the cat's fault. Please do not declaw him. That is a barbaric practice that should be illegal. Not sure if confining him to a room for "two months" is the right solution. It might become a permanent solution and that's not quality of life for a cat. It sounds to me that he is a good cat for the most part but he is not being handled correctly. I would try with the playing sessions and please give him his space when he asks for it. There is no cat that wants to be annoyed and we as guardians should not allow anyone to annoy a cat. Bonding and giving him his space might help. Good Luck!

This is a longshot, but I'm so desperate.

I have a 4.5-year-old male cat, and ever since we got him as a kitten, I remember him as always being the "playful biting" kind, AKA the cat that isn't extremely affectionate. That being said, he keeps to himself, naps a lot, and goes outside at nights but stays inside the majority of the day.

My 19 month old nephew lives with us, and last night my cat scratched him by the eye twice, deep and bleeding. My cat has bitten and scratched me before, but that's when I play with him. Basically, he minds his own business unless engaged with or annoyed.
My brother (his father) is moving out in 2 months, and we assumed the cat would go with them. Oh, and my parents (more specifically, my mother) don't like our cat, so they're fine with him leaving. Unfortunately, because of what happened our cat has to leave my family entirely. The only people arguing for my cat to stay and for his general well-being are my sister and me.

My family's options are: declaw him or give him away (to someone else, a shelter, adoption agency...). Declawing is absolutely TERRIBLE, so that'll never be an option, and giving him away breaks my heart. He's not too old, (maybe I'm being too cynical about this) but who's going to adopt a 4-5 year old cat that isn't that affectionate? He doesn't like strangers. I also don't wanna give him away because I love him and I'm his favorite member in my family (though I'm in college so I'm not home every so often), I can't part with him.

What do I do? I wanna argue to keep my cat at home but I doubt my parents will allow it, and I won't let them declaw him or give him up. Yes, I understand a baby's state/health/care is more important than a cat, but the cat should be given a second thought, no? Immediately deciding the fate of a cat is terrible, and no one is considering what would happen to him.

I know there are claw caps, but my cat isn't patient enough for me to put them on him. I wanna argue that he stay in my brother or nephew's rooms when they move (my mother wants new furniture desperately because he hates scratching posts, so she doesn't want him near it) or when they come home to visit. Literally anything else. I'd really appreciate some feedback, I don't know if this will get anything in return but please give me some insight or something.

 

[1 bruce 1]

Ah HA! I had missed that being confined to one room would only be for a period of two months! In that case, with toys and a tree and extra attention, this might be doable!

Anymore, two months flies by in a blink. I would definitely find a way to make it doable!
Did the child need stitches or medical attention?
The cat might have been playing, it sounds like he likes to play rough, or maybe the kid wanted to cuddle the cat and he got annoyed. I'm not excusing his reaction, either way it sounds pretty intense, but I'm with you--I don't think he should lose his home over it.

 

[pleasehelpmeandmycat]

Of course, the cat should be considered. However, with what you are facing (family pressure), I'm not sure keeping him will be possible. And I'm with you 100%, declawing is NOT an option, and would only lead to other, and maybe worse, issues. It would be very unfair to keep him confined to one room all the time unless that room was just full of enriching things...trees, toys, window perches, maybe with a cat door leading out to a catio. Would your family be willing/able to talk about an arrangement like that? If not, let me know and I'll be happy to research reliable no-kill shelters or rescues in your area, as a very last resort. I know your heart is breaking, and I'm sending a hug across the miles.

I'm not sure how this website works, I only just found it last night so I'm not sure if I'm replying to this correctly. I'd never let him get declawed, and keeping him in the room I'm referring to (though you wouldn't know this) would be large with 3 windows and perches. He's not that interested in toys, I remember buying several toys a couple years ago only for him to be bored 5 seconds later. Maybe if I reintroduce him to them he'd enjoy them. Nevertheless, my mother's main problem is the hair and the scratching. He's a tuxedo and sheds a fair amount of fur, and a while ago he scratched up the side posts of our couches (and sometimes carpet), and I don't think he likes scratching posts (or maybe the one we have). She really wants new undamaged furniture, so is there a way I can get him to not scratch the new furniture when it comes? That's my mom's biggest issue, aside from my nephew's scratch. We've used a spray on the couch that was supposed to stop him from scratching, but my mom said it never helped (maybe it was just a bad brand or we used it wrong?).

Also, thank you for the comment. I was not expecting any replies to this and reading it made me emotional. I love my cat very much and I wish my love was representative of my family.

 

[pleasehelpmeandmycat]

Anymore, two months flies by in a blink. I would definitely find a way to make it doable!
Did the child need stitches or medical attention?
The cat might have been playing, it sounds like he likes to play rough, or maybe the kid wanted to cuddle the cat and he got annoyed. I'm not excusing his reaction, either way it sounds pretty intense, but I'm with you--I don't think he should lose his home over it.

My nephew was fine, no stitches but they went to the hospital in case it might become an infection. My cat does like to play rough! Before this, my nephew grabbed his tail and he swatted back at him. No one saw it happen, my family only heard him cry. But my cat does try to avoid my nephew when he strolls by, it's my nephew that's curious (which, he's a child so I KNOW he's curious, it's not his fault. Also his other grandmother has a cat too but that one is very affectionate and doesn't mind being touched and so by my nephew).
Besides the 2 month waiting period, my mom's other concern is the furniture. I just replied to someone else's reply on this thread about her concerns. I think if I can appeal to her and find a way to protect the new couches she might let him stay.

 

[1 bruce 1]

I'm not sure how this website works, I only just found it last night so I'm not sure if I'm replying to this correctly. I'd never let him get declawed, and keeping him in the room I'm referring to (though you wouldn't know this) would be large with 3 windows and perches. He's not that interested in toys, I remember buying several toys a couple years ago only for him to be bored 5 seconds later. Maybe if I reintroduce him to them he'd enjoy them. Nevertheless, my mother's main problem is the hair and the scratching. He's a tuxedo and sheds a fair amount of fur, and a while ago he scratched up the side posts of our couches (and sometimes carpet), and I don't think he likes scratching posts (or maybe the one we have). She really wants new undamaged furniture, so is there a way I can get him to not scratch the new furniture when it comes? That's my mom's biggest issue, aside from my nephew's scratch. We've used a spray on the couch that was supposed to stop him from scratching, but my mom said it never helped (maybe it was just a bad brand or we used it wrong?).

Also, thank you for the comment. I was not expecting any replies to this and reading it made me emotional. I love my cat very much and I wish my love was representative of my family.

Have you tried rubbing some cat nip into the scratching posts? Make them really attractive for him. It might even work to place the posts in front of the furniture (blocking the areas he likes) then slowly moving the posts away.
I don't know if this is even doable in your situation, but when we slapped up a small area for our cats to go outside (fenced, covered, cat proof) and threw some big old logs/tree branches/"natural" scratching posts, 99% of the scratching indoors stopped.
You seem to know that cats NEED to scratch, it stretches their shoulders, backs, necks, etc. It's like waking up after a good nights sleep and having a long, slow stretch. It's healthy and refreshing.
Does he like food treats? Dry food? If you can find something like this (Pure Bites treats is another good one) that he goes nuts over, a little plastic empty water bottle without the cap can be filled up with food/treats and it challenges them to figure out how to get that food out. You can cut holes all over the bottle at first to make it easy, and when he masters it, cut less holes in the next bottle, etc.

 

[pleasehelpmeandmycat]

What if you schedule short playing sessions with him every day? They love feather teasers, wands, wood balls, lasers. Please do not use your hands as toys. A short playing session with the cat every day creates a bond between the guardian and the cat. It will make him feel part of the family. You very well stated that he minds his own business UNLESS ENGAGED or ANNOYED. I wonder if the attack to the toddler was only a self defense action on his part. It is for us as adults to keep close supervision when a cat is around an infant. It is not the cat's fault. Please do not declaw him. That is a barbaric practice that should be illegal. Not sure if confining him to a room for "two months" is the right solution. It might become a permanent solution and that's not quality of life for a cat. It sounds to me that he is a good cat for the most part but he is not being handled correctly. I would try with the playing sessions and please give him his space when he asks for it. There is no cat that wants to be annoyed and we as guardians should not allow anyone to annoy a cat. Bonding and giving him his space might help. Good Luck!

As much as I don't want to admit this, recently he hasn't been getting the attention he deserves, and especially since I've been away at school. I come home every 3 weeks or so and when I do, I don't spend that much time with my cat. Which, I have been wanting to change this for a while.
I remember him not getting interested in his toys after we bought them for him. Granted maybe if I buy some more again he might actually enjoy it this time. No one saw my cat attack my nephew, they were facing the opposite direction and only heard him crying afterward. He was under the dining room table and they had assumed he'd accidentally hit his head.

 

[pleasehelpmeandmycat]

Have you tried rubbing some cat nip into the scratching posts? Make them really attractive for him. It might even work to place the posts in front of the furniture (blocking the areas he likes) then slowly moving the posts away.
I don't know if this is even doable in your situation, but when we slapped up a small area for our cats to go outside (fenced, covered, cat proof) and threw some big old logs/tree branches/"natural" scratching posts, 99% of the scratching indoors stopped.
You seem to know that cats NEED to scratch, it stretches their shoulders, backs, necks, etc. It's like waking up after a good nights sleep and having a long, slow stretch. It's healthy and refreshing.
Does he like food treats? Dry food? If you can find something like this (Pure Bites treats is another good one) that he goes nuts over, a little plastic empty water bottle without the cap can be filled up with food/treats and it challenges them to figure out how to get that food out. You can cut holes all over the bottle at first to make it easy, and when he masters it, cut less holes in the next bottle, etc.

He's had catnip before, in treats, but I never knew what to do with actual catnip before so I never bought any. I'll look into outdoor scratching posts, he goes out at nights so maybe that will help. I understand scratching is important and he should be able to scratch. Our posts might just need to be replaced and maybe I can get him used to it by using catnip. I'm just scared that now that he's used other surfaces to scratch for a while now, he'll be used to it and won't wanna change or adapt and it'll all have been done for nothing.

He likes both dry and wet foods, and he's picky about his treats. I remember sometimes buying him those Temptations treats, and we still have some left because he's stopped liking them. Then again, it might be another brand issue. He loves to eat so maybe I can use this to my advantage. Thank you sooooo much!

 

[1 bruce 1]

As much as I don't want to admit this, recently he hasn't been getting the attention he deserves, and especially since I've been away at school. I come home every 3 weeks or so and when I do, I don't spend that much time with my cat. Which, I have been wanting to change this for a while.
I remember him not getting interested in his toys after we bought them for him. Granted maybe if I buy some more again he might actually enjoy it this time. No one saw my cat attack my nephew, they were facing the opposite direction and only heard him crying afterward. He was under the dining room table and they had assumed he'd accidentally hit his head.

As crazy as it sounds, sometimes cats do "act out" like a child or teen that isn't getting something they want or need out of life.
I wouldn't beat yourself up over the school thing. You're a busy person and when you're home, you have things to do, but you realize your cat needs a bit more and are wanting and willing to do what it takes.
I'm glad your little nephew just needed to have the scratch looked at to make sure nothing gets infected. Kids that age bounce back!
Even just a little toy tied to a string could help, you can make it enticing for him and he'll get exercise, and time with you, and it might turn him onto thinking toys of any kind are really fun to play with! (Anything on a string or involving a string should be taken away unless you're interacting with him, you wouldn't want him to decide toys are good to play with and decide strings are good to eat, of course!)

 

[pleasehelpmeandmycat]

If the claw caps will work as a solution to keeping him home and in tact, then you need to get an estimate from the grooming center at the vet's office to have them professionally applied. There are things I can see not working between Stewart and I when he was younger, but the vet's office knows how to safely double burrito wrap him screaming and thrashing, to do a blood draw.

This didn't work out well when my boyfriend's son was a toddler. Dumas went after him one day, and that was it - Dumas was surrendered to the shelter. His son still has a scar somewhere, and with the risk of infection, these young kids can have it spread and go downhill fast.

We didn't take Stewart in until the youngest kid was 5, and make it crystal clear that Stewart is adorable, and 100 percent never to be trusted. Do not attempt anything with him without our supervision. Now, Stew's a cool dude and has been living with us for 6 years.

If it were just you and your place and your rules, and no small children, he's perfectly fine. We're lucky we got away with Stewart and no incidents with the kids, but we probably shouldn't have risked it.

This can be done professionally? I googled it and it seemed like the owner had to be the one to apply it. Granted, all of this would be most likely coming out of my pocket so this might be a little much but I will definitely look into it.

Also how often would it have to be done?

 

[1 bruce 1]

This can be done professionally? I googled it and it seemed like the owner had to be the one to apply it. Granted, all of this would be most likely coming out of my pocket so this might be a little much but I will definitely look into it.

Also how often would it have to be done?

I think (last time I heard) was once a month.
I think most cat groomers would help you do this, and most vets probably would have a technician or assistant happy to help you.

 

[pleasehelpmeandmycat]

As crazy as it sounds, sometimes cats do "act out" like a child or teen that isn't getting something they want or need out of life.
I wouldn't beat yourself up over the school thing. You're a busy person and when you're home, you have things to do, but you realize your cat needs a bit more and are wanting and willing to do what it takes.
I'm glad your little nephew just needed to have the scratch looked at to make sure nothing gets infected. Kids that age bounce back!
Even just a little toy tied to a string could help, you can make it enticing for him and he'll get exercise, and time with you, and it might turn him onto thinking toys of any kind are really fun to play with! (Anything on a string or involving a string should be taken away unless you're interacting with him, you wouldn't want him to decide toys are good to play with and decide strings are good to eat, of course!)

Thank you so much for all your help, I really appreciate your responses. I don't think my parents will immediately decide on my cat this weekend so I hope to present them with a large case on why he should stay. I hope all of this helps me and him, I've been very upset over this and it's only been 2 days so far. I have my nephew's best interests and health in mind and I love him, but that doesn't mean I should completely disregard everything my cat means to me.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Oh, so who is taking care of the cat while you are gone - your sister? If she doesn't want to see him go, you might want to encourage her to spend more time with him while you are gone. He, as you know already, needs attention.

Play toys...well, they come and go. Sometimes, you can keep "older toys" in a box and recycle them as new ones become old to the cat. Other times, like one of my cats, she instantly knew it was an old toy (smell, I guess) and wasn't impressed I was trying to recycle it. A lot of time stupid things like plastic caps (bigger ones) from bottles will entertain them, as well as anything 'weird' that they can't actually eat. Old thread spools, for example. My husband even gives Feeby his old cardboard contact boxes - although he is pretty much worn those out with her. Cardboard tissue/paper towel rolls, crumpled up foil, wadded up newspaper. The list is endless...and, typically, all temporary.

Also, try horizontal scratching posts - and add catnip to those too. Feeby has had one since I got her, but admittedly now she just goes over there when she wants catnip - never uses it to scratch.

 

[pleasehelpmeandmycat]

Oh, so who is taking care of the cat while you are gone - your sister? If she doesn't want to see him go, you might want to encourage her to spend more time with him while you are gone. He, as you know already, needs attention.

Play toys...well, they come and go. Sometimes, you can keep "older toys" in a box and recycle them as new ones become old to the cat. Other times, like one of my cats, she instantly knew it was an old toy (smell, I guess) and wasn't impressed I was trying to recycle it. A lot of time stupid things like plastic caps (bigger ones) from bottles will entertain them, as well as anything 'weird' that they can't actually eat. Old thread spools, for example. My husband even gives Feeby his old cardboard contact boxes - although he is pretty much worn those out with her. Cardboard tissue/paper towel rolls, crumpled up foil, wadded up newspaper. The list is endless...and, typically, all temporary.

Also, try horizontal scratching posts - and add catnip to those too. Feeby has had one since I got her, but admittedly now she just goes over there when she wants catnip - never uses it to scratch.

My sister looks after him when I'm not there. She changes his litter, feeds him, gives him water, cleans after him (after learning from me). I had a talk with my sister telling her that she needs to join me in resisting my parents, and I hope that this will make her pay more attention to him. He deserves it.

I'll look into scratching posts this weekend at the store. Hopefully if I do this he'll get used to it and scratch there instead. I'm scared he won't.

 

[pleasehelpmeandmycat]

I think (last time I heard) was once a month.
I think most cat groomers would help you do this, and most vets probably would have a technician or assistant happy to help you.

Oh thanks! Hopefully it's effective. And hopefully my cat won't hate it. He hasn't worn a collar in over a year because he hates them, he always manages to take them off so we stopped trying.