Please Help- Cat Terrified Of Bf+ Leaving In 3 Days.

[Letta]

Hi,
I am sorry to bother you but I badly need your help.
My almost 9 month kitten is terrified of my bf and I am supposed to go on vacation in 3 days.
So 3 weeks ago my bf had an incident with my kitten. They never have been best friends as my bf has always been a bit too insistant on handling her even if she did not like it. But it was nothing bad. Until 3 weeks ago where my cat was hidding under a chest of drawer and he went to reassure her but she felt cornered and was terrified. She bit him, hissed, growled and even pooped of fear. As soon as I heard that I rushed back home and when she heard me she went out of hiding. He then left the day after for 3 weeks for work and promised me to leave the cat alone once he came back.
During those 3 weeks she was fine, back to her normal self, (which is very confident). He came back tuesday night, as soon as she saw him she hissed (he hissed back :/) and went hiding. She is terrified, she moves like a feral cat. She is hiding a lot, and always monitoring his movement. I have been spending a lot of time with her to try to reassure her, sometimes with more or less success. She still comes to me when I call her and came to find shelter with me. So to make her feel safer here what I did:
-I have built a few cat tent to hide
- I have place window shelves, up high. But she does not uses them
-I have been providing her with hiding spots
-I have been there and took my mornings off work to be with her
- I have been trying to play with her. But she is sometimes too agitated or nervous to play. This morning I could but otherwise it has been hard. I wanted to show her that it was fine
-Plug-in feliway
- Put some of scrathing posts at different places so things would smell like her.
She is still not her self at all and she is suffering. It breaks my heart, I have been crying a LOT.
On top of that I am supposed to leave sunday for 2 weeks with my mum. It is dream holiday. But I feel terrified of how she is going to be alone with him for 2 weeks. She always had a bit of seperation anxiety when I left but now it will be magnified.
I am afraid she will be traumatized and the idea of her so alone breaks my heart. I don't know what I should do:
Should I cancel (but I already spent 3500$ dollars booking everything and I have been dreaming about it for years)?
Sbould I get a pet sitter to come around to reassure her?
Should I try to find somewhere to stay (I don't have any friends that would accept her however?
I would give her a safe room If I could but I leave in a 1 bedroom appartment. I don't know what to do my heart is breaking. Please give me some advice, anything.

 

[talkingpeanut]

Do you live with your boyfriend? If not, I think you should get a pet sitter to stop by once or twice a day.

Your boyfriend doesn't seem to speak cat very well. Does he listen to you when you tell him how to interact with your cat?

 

[Letta]

Yes I leave with him.
No he does not understand cats very well :/ I tried so many time to give him tips, to send him things on cat body languages but he never acted differently. I am so tiered of this. At least now he took his distance.

 

[talkingpeanut]

I would set your cat up in a room with all of her things where she feels safe. I would tell your boyfriend not to go in there, and I would get a pet sitter to come spend time with her each day.

 

[Letta]

Yeah the problem is that I live in a 1 bedroom appartment. So that would mean giving her the bedroom and my bf sleeping on the futton. He will never accept that. He always thinks I give her too much attention.

 

[Jen1607]

If it was me I would send my cat to a cat kennel for the duration of your trip. She may not be too happy about it, BUT she will be looked after by people that love cats, know how to interact with cats, and can take care of any issues that come up. There is always some reason why animals don't like people. Even some underlying issue that hasn't come up. I am not saying your boyfriend is a bad person. But she is gonna be scared while you are gone and she won't have you to comfort her. Plus if you send her to a cat place you can not worry so much, plus you can call them and get regular updates. I had to leave my baby at a cat place before and it was hard, but I had no choice. If u do do this, try and find one that just allows cats.

 

[himawari]

I would either get a petsitter to stop by twice/thrice a day or board your cat into a reputable boarding place for cats. Make sure to read Yelp reviews and check the place out before deciding. As for your boyfriend, it can't be helped since some people are just not cat-lovers. I would try to emphasize to him about handling your cat and that it's important to you the two get along well. Your cat is clearly terrified of him so slowly re-introduce them to each other like they were a cat and a dog. Give your cat a shirt with your boyfriend's scent. Make sure you are always present (after you get back from your trip of course) when they are playing. Have your boyfriend give her treats.

 

[danteshuman]

I agree with the people above. Board her or get a pet sitter ... frankly I think boarding is preferable because it doesn't leave him with the temptation to 'cuddle' her against her will or 'teach' her some manners. Your bf may have a great heart but he sounds immature. I suggest giving him a few rules for your cat and if he can't abide them, there is the door. But I'm older and know that cats live MUCH longer than many relationships with a human male Also if you can't trust him to do right by the cat and give her space for a few weeks/months until she becomes comfortable with him ..... what can you trust him with?

Rules to consider: 1) Don't touch the cat. 2) You may gently pet her if she comes up to you and head buts you. 3) Don't chase or corner the cat or pick her up or punish her!!! 4) Play with the cat daily 5) You are the magic treat man that will give her a treat when you come home (he can toss it to her until she grows used to him.) 6) Don't look at the cat. Play a game of 'I can't see you' or as I call it invisa-kitty. Cats view eye contact/stares as aggression/challenge. 7) If possible master the slow blink and practice giving her the slow blink.... if he can do a good fake puuurr now is the time. 8) talk softly to the cat... while still not looking at her so she can grow used to his voice.... also to help her learn his voice doesn't equal a threat.

 

[Alejandra Rico]

I agree with the people above. Board her or get a pet sitter ... frankly I think boarding is preferable because it doesn't leave him with the temptation to 'cuddle' her against her will or 'teach' her some manners. Your bf may have a great heart but he sounds immature. I suggest giving him a few rules for your cat and if he can't abide them, there is the door. But I'm older and know that cats live MUCH longer than many relationships with a human male Also if you can't trust him to do right by the cat and give her space for a few weeks/months until she becomes comfortable with him ..... what can you trust him with?

Rules to consider: 1) Don't touch the cat. 2) You may gently pet her if she comes up to you and head buts you. 3) Don't chase or corner the cat or pick her up or punish her!!! 4) Play with the cat daily 5) You are the magic treat man that will give her a treat when you come home (he can toss it to her until she grows used to him.) 6) Don't look at the cat. Play a game of 'I can't see you' or as I call it invisa-kitty. Cats view eye contact/stares as aggression/challenge. 7) If possible master the slow blink and practice giving her the slow blink.... if he can do a good fake puuurr now is the time. 8) talk softly to the cat... while still not looking at her so she can grow used to his voice.... also to help her learn his voice doesn't equal a threat.

I agree with all the above rules. If you can trust him, and he gives you his Word on following those rules, then everything could be ok. They can mostly ignore each other in worst scenario or, if he is doing it really well, he could even start a better relationship with your cat.
Now, if you could buy one of those pet cameras with speakers and all that, It could help you to feel better about leaving her. They are expensive and I cannot afford one ar the momment (I do not travel often, anyway) but for you It sounds like a useful tool.