I don't know how much of this is going to make any sense, but I just need to spill a bunch of stuff. I'm not sure where to start, actually.
Well, it's Dad. Some of you will know that he's just had his 93rd birthday, and despite some health challenges is doing amazingly well. He has a full, interesting life in his extended care facility, which is no more than 15 minutes away from here, so it's handy for visiting and for taking him out from time to time.
I visit him three or four times a week -- usually four, but occasionally one of them has to be dropped. Saturday and Tuesday they have "Happy Hours" and guests are included, and he likes me to go with him; Sunday doesn't have a lot of activity in it, so I try to go then; plus one other week night, usually Wednesday, sometimes Thursday. I've set the pattern, as much for him as for me, so that he knows what to expect.
I wasn't able to go on Sunday, and I gave him the heads up on Saturday when I was there, as I usually do in that situation. Monday, I got a very confused phone call from him not long after I got home. The confusion seemed to be around my not having been there on Sunday. I got him calmed down and assured him that everything was OK and I'd be in today (Tuesday). I resisted the temptation to go charging up there on the one night in the week that I have the luxury of coming home and just being home. If there had been an emergency that couldn't be dealt with on the phone, I'd have gone in a heartbeat. But he's not above a little gentle, probably unintentional, manipulation, and I simply wasn't going to get into a pattern of running up there at the drop of a hat.
So today I arrive as planned. There's a notice in the elevator of a memorial service coming up (usual place for such notices). The guy in the next room has died -- he was 94. His daughter is a familiar face around the place, drops in on Dad and others. Bummer. Not feeling happy as I reach Dad's room, and find him already in bed, asleep. It's still reasonably early, so I make my arrival, and then lean over to kiss him awake. Not a big surprise that it doesn't work, because he sleeps VERRRRRRRRY deep. I sit on the edge of the bed for a few minutes and then repeat the kiss. Same (no) response. I repeat the sequence several times over a period of 30 or so minutes, same result. Eventually, I get a rise -- he comes up far enough to respond to "Have you got a hello for me?" "H'llo" "Have you got a kiss for me?" "Mmmmph" followed by kiss (he's a smoochy guy
), but doesn't really recognize me. Then he drops off to sleep again. I stay a few more minutes and then find paper to leave him a note, and take my leave.
I find one of the nurses, and have a conversation with her on the way out. Seems the intestinal bug he's been fighting off and on for a month or 6 weeks, is back. They're having trouble keeping him properly hydrated (diarrhea) and this is the cause of the confusion (evidenced yesterday on the phone and today in the few moments he was awake). Well, tomorrow the doctor will be in, and Dad is on the list to be seen, and I'll get a phone call.
I don't get the impression that there's any great angst. It's a problem that they've been dealing with, with varying degrees of success, for a while, and it's being tended. I'm not really anxious about it, though I'll be glad to have a chat with the doctor to get her take on it.
But, you know, the thing that has me in this damned funk right now is the slippage in communication with him -- the confusion just scares the crap out of me. It feels like the beginning of the slippery slope to the day when it'll be his name on that notice in the elevator.
I came home and indulged in a little culinary therapy. I'd have been happy to serve tonight's dinner to company. And between that and my sweetie, I felt moderately human again for a little while. But it only lasts so long and I'm a mess again. Damn.
I don't know what I expect to accomplish by all this blather, but thanks for listening anyway.
Well, it's Dad. Some of you will know that he's just had his 93rd birthday, and despite some health challenges is doing amazingly well. He has a full, interesting life in his extended care facility, which is no more than 15 minutes away from here, so it's handy for visiting and for taking him out from time to time.
I visit him three or four times a week -- usually four, but occasionally one of them has to be dropped. Saturday and Tuesday they have "Happy Hours" and guests are included, and he likes me to go with him; Sunday doesn't have a lot of activity in it, so I try to go then; plus one other week night, usually Wednesday, sometimes Thursday. I've set the pattern, as much for him as for me, so that he knows what to expect.
I wasn't able to go on Sunday, and I gave him the heads up on Saturday when I was there, as I usually do in that situation. Monday, I got a very confused phone call from him not long after I got home. The confusion seemed to be around my not having been there on Sunday. I got him calmed down and assured him that everything was OK and I'd be in today (Tuesday). I resisted the temptation to go charging up there on the one night in the week that I have the luxury of coming home and just being home. If there had been an emergency that couldn't be dealt with on the phone, I'd have gone in a heartbeat. But he's not above a little gentle, probably unintentional, manipulation, and I simply wasn't going to get into a pattern of running up there at the drop of a hat.
So today I arrive as planned. There's a notice in the elevator of a memorial service coming up (usual place for such notices). The guy in the next room has died -- he was 94. His daughter is a familiar face around the place, drops in on Dad and others. Bummer. Not feeling happy as I reach Dad's room, and find him already in bed, asleep. It's still reasonably early, so I make my arrival, and then lean over to kiss him awake. Not a big surprise that it doesn't work, because he sleeps VERRRRRRRRY deep. I sit on the edge of the bed for a few minutes and then repeat the kiss. Same (no) response. I repeat the sequence several times over a period of 30 or so minutes, same result. Eventually, I get a rise -- he comes up far enough to respond to "Have you got a hello for me?" "H'llo" "Have you got a kiss for me?" "Mmmmph" followed by kiss (he's a smoochy guy
I find one of the nurses, and have a conversation with her on the way out. Seems the intestinal bug he's been fighting off and on for a month or 6 weeks, is back. They're having trouble keeping him properly hydrated (diarrhea) and this is the cause of the confusion (evidenced yesterday on the phone and today in the few moments he was awake). Well, tomorrow the doctor will be in, and Dad is on the list to be seen, and I'll get a phone call.
I don't get the impression that there's any great angst. It's a problem that they've been dealing with, with varying degrees of success, for a while, and it's being tended. I'm not really anxious about it, though I'll be glad to have a chat with the doctor to get her take on it.
But, you know, the thing that has me in this damned funk right now is the slippage in communication with him -- the confusion just scares the crap out of me. It feels like the beginning of the slippery slope to the day when it'll be his name on that notice in the elevator.
I came home and indulged in a little culinary therapy. I'd have been happy to serve tonight's dinner to company. And between that and my sweetie, I felt moderately human again for a little while. But it only lasts so long and I'm a mess again. Damn.
I don't know what I expect to accomplish by all this blather, but thanks for listening anyway.