Over Anxious About Cat

[typhons]

Hi,
I am sorry to bother you with this but I wanted to know if someone else had experienced this and had any advice.
I am the owner of a wonderful kitten who is now 7 months old. I got her at 2 months old and love her so much. She is very brave, curious, and loyal. She less cuddly than my previous cat but I know that she loves me.
However since I got her I have been extremely anxious about her not being happy and losing her affection, of not doing enough for her. And I have started neglecting my own needs and desires. I would play a lot with her (often 3/4 hours a day) and I suspect that it is why she bonded to me. I have researched a lot about cat behavior and needs to try to make her as happy as possible. I have purchased cat trees, shelves, toys.. Always payed attention to her body language and never petted her when she did not want to ect...
The problem is that I have started playing way too much for my well-being with her but everytime she would come to me for play I have a hard time saying no. I am pursuing a PhD and have a serious relationship, hence 4 hours a day plus taking care of everything else means I am working less than I should.
I have been overly anxious about losing her affection. She used to like a LOT my boyfriend at the very beginning but he never played with her and was less respectful of her desires (would pick her up all the times even though she does not like it). Therefore she ended up bonding only to me.

I guess my questions are:
(1) How much time does she actually need me to play with her for her to be happy? Is 1 hour morning and 1 hour evening enough?

Is there something else I can do for her that would not take me hours and hours away from work?

(2) Do cats resent you for saying no to playtime a few times a day?

(3) Is there a risk that she becomes less affectionate to me? If I play less with her?

(4) How much time can she be left alone or with me doing something else and still be happy?

(5) Did you ever lose the affection of a cat? If yes because of what?

I know that a lot of this is my fault and that my anxieties are not healthy. I am working on it with a shrink but I wanted to know from people that knew cat if I have a reason to be anxious or not.

Sorry for this generally long and anxious message.

 

[maggiedemi]

You don't have to play with your cat 4 hours a day, I'm sure she'll be fine just hanging out with you while you study. There are all kinds of toys and puzzle feeders you could get for her. You could even get her a kitty friend, then they could play together.

 

[Tornado Tammy]

I have to leave my wee kitten at home alone when I work at our Local Hospice Shop on a Friday afternoon. I have to shut her in her little room, as she would play havoc in the house otherwise! I leave her with biscuits, water, and some favourite toys to play with, so know she'll be OK in that regard. I'm inclined to think she sleeps most of that time, as I'm away from about 11.30 am and home again about 5pm. Most days I'm at home all day, except if I have to pop out to the shop for groceries, an appt, or something, but not usually gone for more than an hour or so, if that.

When I get home, I let her out, have a few cuddles and play, and then she has her dinner, but boy, after that she goes totally bananas, running up the curtains again, jumping behind the telly, and all the other naughty (but fun to her of course) things she taunts me with! So much built up energy - Payback I think, for my leaving her on her own in her room, and not just leaving her in peace to wreck everything in the house that she can lay her pretty little paws on! Bless her!!
I just wish I had a quarter of her energy! Don't we just love them??

 

[margd]

First, you are not bothering us at all, so put that thought out of your mind. We love cats and love to talk about them so this is absolutely the right place for your questions!

Addressing your questions in turn:

1. An hour's play with her in the morning and in the evening is enough to keep her happy. The transition is going to be a bit rough - cats don't like changes in their routine, especially one that is so much fun. Some cats will try for all the attention they can get (like my Chula) but they are quite capable of being happy on their own. To help her with the changes, get her interactive toys that she can play with without you. Get a few non-mechanical toys and and a few that run on batteries. Some of the latter have timers so they'll turn off on their own without you having to get up and attend to it. You may need to swap toys around a bit so she doesn't get bored with them.

2. I'm not sure cats are even capable of resentment but I do know that they won't resent you for not playing with them for 3 to 4 hours each day. Of course she'll try to get you to fold, but as long as you provide the other necessities of life (food, water, clean litter box, grooming and love and affection when you're a able) she should be fine. There is no reason why she can't be content simply being near you when you are engaged in other activities at home, such as working on your degree.

3. It would be very unlike a cat to grow less affectionate because you "only" played with her for two hours a day. Two hours is more than most cats get. Also whether or not a cat is affectionate has more to do with that cat's personality than with you providing playtime on demand and it sounds like your darling is blessed with an outgoing and affectionate nature.

4. It's difficult to know exactly how long a cat can be left alone since every cat is different. Some do get very anxious when their human leaves them for a few hours whereas others take it in stride. If you're going to be gone more than 24 hours she should have a pet sitter come by and spend time with her. Do you have any sense that she suffers from separation anxiety?

You can minimize the chance of boredom by providing interactive toys, as mentioned above. Providing her with places to climb and interesting things to watch can help as well. There are videos made for cats that might come in handy. Another possibility, is to put up a bird feeder outside. This will keep many cats occupied for hours. I should mention that there are two schools of thought on giving cats close-up views of bird feeders. Some cats will just watch the show happily, maybe chittering a bit and running back and forth but basically accepting there is a barrier between them and the birds. Other cats may get extremely frustrated by their inability to get outside and go bird chasing. Make sure you know how your girl reacts before you leave her with a view of a birdfeeder as her main source of amusement.

5. No, I've never lost the affection of a cat. Once a cat has bonded with someone, it would probably take something like a severe fright or physical abuse to cause it to withdraw.

I don't know if this will help, but my Chula is a cat who can never get enough affection. She stares at me for hours over the course of a day and frequently sits up on her back haunches and waves her paws at me so I'll pay attention to her. I always ooh and ah over her at that point but if I don't get up to play or start patting her, she'll jump up beside me and gently touch my arm with her paw. And if that still doesn't work because I'm busy, she plays with her toys, looks out the window or goes to sleep. Despite not getting her way as much as she'd like, she is a very loving and affectionate girl and seems to be quite happy.

There is one possibility I'm hesitant to suggest because it may not be the right time for it, but a second cat will often provide company for a lone cat left alone. You do have a lot on your plate right now, though. I don't know how far along you are in your PhD but at some point, you'll really need to focus on it. This doesn't mean you love your cat any less, or that you are not meeting her needs or making her happy. It may be rough at first because she is going to try to wear you down with her cuteness but you need to know that she will be fine. The truth is, if you blow your PhD because of your cat, you will be kicking yourself in the future.

tl/dr. She'll be fine, just hang tight, provide her with distractions and fun things to do and continue to provide her with love and affection when you are able.

These articles might help as well:

Beating Boredom - What Indoor Cat Owners Need To Know
How Long Can You Leave Your Cat Alone For?
25 Signs That Your Cat Loves You
Separation Anxiety In Cats
8 Superb Automated Cat Toys That You're Going To Love!

Oh, and welcome to TCS btw!