- Joined
- Feb 19, 2001
- Messages
- 34,872
- Purraise
- 78
Kids Say The Darnest Things
>
>I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
>woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
>naked!
>As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the
>back
>seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
>__________
>
>My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
>dropped
>his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the
>garbage.
>Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came
>out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little
>smile,
>"We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few
>days ago."
>__________
>
>On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from
>his
>mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
>necessarily those of his parents."
>__________
>
>A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During
>her
>struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer
>the
>phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she
>added., "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
>hitting the bottle."
>__________
>
>I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my
>family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one
>evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table,
>my
>ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if
>pizzas lived in the woods."
>__________
>
>A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she
>said,
>"is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you
>try to zip it up."
>
>The boy looked at her quizzically..."Why does it have to be a secret?"
>__________
>When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs for
>the first time. The queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling
>apples,
>and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned
>apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the apple rolled away, my
>daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't like the skin either."
>__________
>
>A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
>room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
>grabbing
>towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then
>asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
>
>
>I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
>woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
>naked!
>As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the
>back
>seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
>__________
>
>My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
>dropped
>his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the
>garbage.
>Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came
>out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little
>smile,
>"We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few
>days ago."
>__________
>
>On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from
>his
>mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
>necessarily those of his parents."
>__________
>
>A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During
>her
>struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer
>the
>phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she
>added., "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
>hitting the bottle."
>__________
>
>I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my
>family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one
>evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table,
>my
>ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if
>pizzas lived in the woods."
>__________
>
>A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she
>said,
>"is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you
>try to zip it up."
>
>The boy looked at her quizzically..."Why does it have to be a secret?"
>__________
>When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs for
>the first time. The queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling
>apples,
>and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned
>apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the apple rolled away, my
>daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't like the skin either."
>__________
>
>A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
>room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
>grabbing
>towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then
>asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
>