Only Time Mango Is Not Afraid Of Me Is When I’m In The Bath?

[Mango the Maine Coon]

I discovered this within days of meeting him because he was on antibiotics and I wanted the steam from the bath to help clear up his nose. I did not take baths prior to his adoption but since he loved being near it and he was sticking around the whole time rather than running away from me..

I began to do that more often and now 6 months later I do this every day to get the time with him where he is comfortable with me. When he was 3lbs he would lay on the edge of the bath but he grew too large to fit so now I’ve been putting progressively larger “nightstand” tables next to the bath as he gets bigger. Despite all my best efforts to get close and bond with him in other areas of the house, this is the only situation in which he will approach me and let his guard down so I can touch him for more than the usual 1-3 seconds of contact I can get in the rest of the house.

If I try to touch him or wait for him to approach in any other situation he walks away or wriggles out of my hands if I’m holding him. Sometimes even runs away as I take a step towards him. As soon as he hears the bath though he comes over and flops down on his table, completely comfortable with me and happy to be pet and talked to.. when he would usually keep his distance 100% of the time literally anywhere else in the house I spend time.

It’s not the heat of it, I’ve tried a heater to keep my room at the same temp as the bathroom during a bath and he avoided my room at all costs so I gave up on that because he would cry until I turned it off and the temp got back to the same temp as the rest of the house(70°F). Its also not that he is thirsty, he doesn’t drink the water he has a good fountain that he uses a lot.

I’m stumped on this and have tried everything to find what aspect of this situation he likes so I can replicate it elsewhere and allow him to feel comfortable with me.

 

[duckpond]

He is such a pretty boy Does he sleep with you? My little white cat has a problem with touch, she is not normally a fan. Hates to be picked up, does not want to be petted. EXCEPT when i am in bed. If i am in bed, laying down in bed, she wants pets, and often cuddles up as close to my chest as she can. Something about me in bed seems to make her feel safe. I don't know.

My little girl is 3 now, she still doesnt want much affection or touching, outside of bed. But i have found the less i try, the more she comes to me. may only be 3 or 4 seconds, but its more than she use to do. She will sit in the room with us, but always just out of arms reach, so thats what we let her do. Then i cuddle the dickens out of her when she gets in bed with me she likes it then. Give him time, he may get better with age. Also try laying on the floor, or in bed, might make him feel better. Or petting him when he is up high, like on the cat tree or something?

 

[Mango the Maine Coon]

He is such a pretty boy Does he sleep with you? My little white cat has a problem with touch, she is not normally a fan. Hates to be picked up, does not want to be petted. EXCEPT when i am in bed. If i am in bed, laying down in bed, she wants pets, and often cuddles up as close to my chest as she can. Something about me in bed seems to make her feel safe. I don't know.

My little girl is 3 now, she still doesnt want much affection or touching, outside of bed. But i have found the less i try, the more she comes to me. may only be 3 or 4 seconds, but its more than she use to do. She will sit in the room with us, but always just out of arms reach, so thats what we let her do. Then i cuddle the dickens out of her when she gets in bed with me she likes it then. Give him time, he may get better with age. Also try laying on the floor, or in bed, might make him feel better. Or petting him when he is up high, like on the cat tree or something?

Hey, thank you for the thoughtful comment. This is gonna sound crazy because those suggestions are perfect for a huge majority of cats, but Mango is the polar OPPOSITE. He avoids the bed at all costs he has never been on it for more than 5seconds before he walks to the edge and jumps down. I’ve tried laying on the floor even just motionless for like 15 mins to make myself as approachable as possible so he could come and sniff me or whatever but he never did, he just left the room as soon as I did that. I’ve set up several perches in various locations/varying heights and he will check it out 1 time when I set it up, never to climb up there again he only feels comfortable on the ground I’ve not once seen him sleep off the ground aside from his table next to the bath. I will continue to give him space and I hope that time will help him get comfortable with me. If not it is ok I won’t love him any less.

 

[ArtNJ]

Cats linking a situation to affection is super common. For example, we had a stray that started off by only wanting to be petted if the human was lying down on the bed. The strategy to expand is to do what the cat likes (props to you for the baths!) and try to create additional linkages that will help with expansion. For example, before turning on the water, make a call sound and/or shake the treat bag so that in addition to the sound of the water, you have different linkages that are more portable. Then, lets try to expand to a situation where your in a similar posture to the bath. I'd say the best we can do is lying on the couch or your bed, when your alone and find with spending some quiet time like that. Since the cat may not pick up on this right away, I'd suggest a couch in your tv room or family room unless those areas are too noisy with other family members. Bed could work too if you don't mind reading in bed (because you may have to spend some time with days of failures). Use the portable cues (the sound and the treats) and then just lie on the couch and read or watch tv. Don't worry about it if the cat doesn't make the expansion for a while.

Do not try to force anything. No grabbing, no picking up. Not for a longggg time. You'll go through several expansions before you get there. Good luck!

 

[Mango the Maine Coon]

Cats linking a situation to affection is super common. For example, we had a stray that started off by only wanting to be petted if the human was lying down on the bed. The strategy to expand is to do what the cat likes (props to you for the baths!) and try to create additional linkages that will help with expansion. For example, before turning on the water, make a call sound and/or shake the treat bag so that in addition to the sound of the water, you have different linkages that are more portable. Then, lets try to expand to a situation where your in a similar posture to the bath. I'd say the best we can do is lying on the couch or your bed, when your alone and find with spending some quiet time like that. Since the cat may not pick up on this right away, I'd suggest a couch in your tv room or family room unless those areas are too noisy with other family members. Bed could work too if you don't mind reading in bed (because you may have to spend some time with days of failures). Use the portable cues (the sound and the treats) and then just lie on the couch and read or watch tv. Don't worry about it if the cat doesn't make the expansion for a while.

Do not try to force anything. No grabbing, no picking up. Not for a longggg time. You'll go through several expansions before you get there. Good luck!

Wow thank you so, so much- this is more info than I could have ever expected to get on this topic. I am absolutely going to follow your perfect plan. Case closed!!

 

[Mango the Maine Coon]

Cats linking a situation to affection is super common. For example, we had a stray that started off by only wanting to be petted if the human was lying down on the bed. The strategy to expand is to do what the cat likes (props to you for the baths!) and try to create additional linkages that will help with expansion. For example, before turning on the water, make a call sound and/or shake the treat bag so that in addition to the sound of the water, you have different linkages that are more portable. Then, lets try to expand to a situation where your in a similar posture to the bath. I'd say the best we can do is lying on the couch or your bed, when your alone and find with spending some quiet time like that. Since the cat may not pick up on this right away, I'd suggest a couch in your tv room or family room unless those areas are too noisy with other family members. Bed could work too if you don't mind reading in bed (because you may have to spend some time with days of failures). Use the portable cues (the sound and the treats) and then just lie on the couch and read or watch tv. Don't worry about it if the cat doesn't make the expansion for a while.

Do not try to force anything. No grabbing, no picking up. Not for a longggg time. You'll go through several expansions before you get there. Good luck!

Your method is starting to work!! Slowly but surely after giving a treat with each bath.. he spends a couple more seconds on my bed each day where I give him his treat. He use to never hop up onto my bed and when he did he would immediately walk to the edge and jump down. He’s like my shadow now. Everywhere else in the house he is at my feet rubbing against my legs and wrapping his tail around my leg. The bed is the last step of the process, like I said.. he was reallllly avoiding the bed at all costs so this is huge. I guess Mango is very treat oriented with his affection

 

[ArtNJ]

Thats great news!

My cats love treats too! Mine sleep in the basement when the weather doesn't permit them to go outside. I usually throw a few treats down the stairs, so they wait for the bag shaking to go over there. Sometimes when I run low, I'll just shake the bag and maybe motion, they go in and I close the door

Try also using a sound or gesture along with giving the treat. That way, if you are in the mood to spend some cuddle time but don't have the treats with you, you can (once he is trained to it) just make the noise and tap the bed (or couch, whatever).