Older Cat w Kitten Dynamics: help her in this situation vs not?

[slowblink]

Alright, well we are past the super excited 8 month old (Yuri) and scared 2.5/almost 3 mo old kitten (Merida) stage. Yuri and Merida play together well with some supervision, and Merida has been observed seeking out Yuri... and her tail.

The learning curve now is around Merida "tolerating" Yuri's baths. She really doesn't seem to like it and wants to be alone much more than Yuri. Yuri will approach Meri when sleeping/still and wrap a paw around her and begin to bathe her, and Meri will pretty quickly begin to protest. It's not really hissing or growling, she'll make a long sound like a growl but much less deep - it's almost chittering? it just seems like the message is "no, no, no" (or maybe "ughhh?") even if it's softer than any cat warning sounds I know. Meri doesn't seem like she's in distress, but she's also not super comfortable, and this happens so frequently (Yuri is besotted with her) that it seems Meri has begun avoiding Yuri during resting times?

So, should I step in at all when Meri makes these protesting sounds? I have been - she is at such a size disadvantage right now, but I'm just wondering if it's better to let them play this out on their own / what cat people think about this dynamic?

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!
Since she does need to be able to rest -- both mentally as well as physically, maybe do intervene sometimes (at least until she gains more size and you see her being able to better fend him off).

This might involve distracting him, even physically picking him up, going to a different room and then playing with him. It shouldn't be too much longer and she won't need your help as much

 

[susanm9006]

I think It is preferable to let them sort it out themselves. If Merida really gets annoyed she will bop Yuri And let him know she has had enough. They are still learning their boundaries and the terms of their relationship and that happens best without human interference.

If her complaining is bothering you the go ahead and try to distract them with play But don’t feel like you really need to,

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. I will weigh in just to add a third opinion. I think the two cats should spend time together, but maybe limitedly especially if/when Meri starts acting a bit distressed, then I would distract Yuri. There is a size difference that needs to be taken into consideration, so that is why I suggest the separation after a bit.

Once Meri is closer to Yuri's size, she might start to tell Yuri when it is time to quit. For now, you need to intervene since you say it is making Meri uncomfortable to the point of avoiding Yuri during resting times. In other words, let Meri you know you 'have her back' - that will help with her confidence level as well.

 

[slowblink]

Thank you all. I appreciate your sharing your thoughts!

I'm also wondering if it's territorial? As I've observed today this behavior was limited to the two cat beds on the desk I use mostly on Wednesdays (yes, there's two but it seems both cats want the same one!). I didn't realize this when I wrote the post, but it does appear that's the only place it happens. So, when Meri is in the fleece bed, Yuri will start licking her and ignoring her noises. But in other cases (e.g. play) Yuri is much faster to back off when Merida makes a sound. I can move Merida so Yuri gets the bed, but then Meri wakes up and does something that looks really fun to Yuri, and Yuri forgets the bed... until Merida sits in it again.. wash/rinse/repeat.

At this point, I'm just letting them into the office one cat at a time while I'm in there (usually Yuri so we can have some one on one resident cat time). It's much less of a thing when I'm not in there as well. (and there is usually another loving human accessible in the living room so no cat's ever alone!)

This is my temporary solution anyway.. until Meri gets a big enough to protest her big sister effectively on her own, and they can continue to work things out on their own in play and in less seemingly charged areas in the mean time?

 

[FeebysOwner]

That's pretty sly thinking on a cat's part if Yuri has made the connection between Meri being in her bed and grooming in order to annoy her! That is probably, IMO, not the case, but hey you never know! I think Yuri is so enthralled by Meri that the bed thing is in Yuri's mind - their time together! Are the beds different? Maybe, if you can find an exact replica of Yuri's bed and then make sure the scent of both are on both beds, that might change things? Just a wild guess.

Btw, what does Meri do when Yuri instigates interaction other than in that bed? I am not sure I recall reading that other times are as big of an issue - yes?

 

[slowblink]

Yeah, that is just a guess from me! I read somewhere about how grooming can be a dominant act from the cat doing the grooming/and I thought about how maybe this youngster kitten (who is ridiculously more confident than Yuri was at her age) may not like that, and that's probably where I got the idea of there being something about their dynamic / Yuri wanting the bed / being territorial - but do I fully believe that? All I have are guesses.

I actually do have two beds of that type - currently in different locations but that's a good idea! They're washable, so that makes them very easy to match scents! Thanks for that idea!

I don't know how to answer your last question shortly, FeebysOwner - except to say that yes - it seems to me other times are not as big of an issue!

When I've seen Yuri instigate interaction, Meri will either take off running or tolerate Yuri's big cat hugs. When Meri runs, Yuri is getting really good about only pursuing so much - usually stopping short of where Meri stops and sitting back/ or trilling to get Meri to follow her instead. Yuri will get overexcited sometimes still, and if she catches Meri in that excited mode and Meri hisses (about 1/3rd of the time this happens), I step in - either saying her name or walking closer to the action is enough to get Yuri to let go and back off for a moment. Note that is not the case when she does this on the desk, I have to physically touch Yuri to break off with Meri in that circumstance. When Meri tolerates, Yuri breaks off pretty fast in most cases.

Yuri may yet be chilling out some -- tomorrow will be two weeks since we brought Meri home! Right now, Meri's jumped into a box and is chasing her tail in it while Yuri just watches. But they've been playing about an hour and none of the Meri noises that occur on that desk have happened

 

[FeebysOwner]

Two weeks - is that all? Oh, on that note, keep doing what you are doing, intervene when necessary - I think you have this!