Older cat losing weight after I got new kitten

[Donna_NZ]

I have 3 cats. Sid is elderly, Minnie is 2 years and Sophie is 12 weeks.
I've had Minnie from 6 weeks old. She loved playing with her BFF who was the same age. Tragically, Grace was killed 9 months ago. It broke my heart and I think it broke Minnie's heart too. She has always been a nervy, anxious cat but it got worse after we lost Grace.
Three weeks ago I was asked if I would consider taking Sophie who had been found starving and sick and nursed back to health by my local vet. I made the mistake of thinking Sophie might be a friend for Minnie. I spent 2 weeks carefully introducing them and it seemed to go ok. Sophie is a typical, extremely active kitten. Sid has swatted her a few times and she now leaves him alone which suits him well.
It's not going so well with Minnie. Initially they seemed to get on ok but as Sophie gets more confident she is becoming more playful. She leaps on Minnie, runs at her, tries to playfight with her. They have a microchip cat door which Sophie can't use at the moment but she lies in wait for poor Minnie to come in and smacks her face as she tries to enter. The result is that Minnie is spending more and more time outside and, more concerning to me, is eating less to the point I am now quite worried about her weight loss. (I am making a vet appointment to be sure it's nothing else but I'm pretty sure it's stress) Every time she tries to eat Sophie harrasses her so she gives up and goes outside.
I have set up a spare room for Minnie with another microchip cat door programmed only for her so she has somewhere inside to retreat to. I sit in there with her and give her food and treats and try and play with her but she's so anxious she just wants out. I've just started leaving food outside for her and I've seen her eating it today but it's really distressing to think Minnie is feeling driven away from her home.
I've made a mistake taking Sophie but once I commit to a pet then it's for life so I need to figure this out. Any suggestions would be very welcome.

 

[ArtNJ]

She will get used to the kitten in time. Probably won't ever like her, and will continue to hiss when the kitten is actively being a PITA, but the stress should fade and the kitten should calm a bit. Although, maybe not if you feed her outside and have a safe room set up inside. They need time together to work it out, and if Minnie doesn't have to spend time together, she won't. Generally speaking, I tend to recommend the exact opposite of your approach -- keeping the indoor/outdoor in, so they have to spend time together, which leads to improvement. If you were to do that, you could do closed door feedings, and pets, now and then, of course. With your approach, I'm not certain this will improve.

 

[Donna_NZ]

Thank you so much for your helpful reply. I never thought about it like that. If I allow Minnie to continually 'escape' from Sophie then she won't bother sorting out their relationship. I am going to try your suggestion. I have bought Minnie inside and locked their door. Sophie is charging up to her as usual and Minnie is growling and swatting her but there is no actual violence. Hopefully Minnie will learn some assertive techniques and Sophie will learn to back off when 'told' to. I'll keep their food bowls in the usual places but give Minnie some additional food in a separate closed room until she gains back some weight. (She's lost 400gm and feels quite thin) Thank you again. I'll update you in a couple of days.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I think that A ArtNJ is right in this case. I know it sounds counter-productive, but...it seems that Minnie has decided that avoidance is the best policy. Once a cat has decided that, things tend to get worse without human intervention. Don't let her out, but do distract the kitten when she gets out of hand. And, for now, give Minnie plenty of time-outs in her safe room, with you there to love on her and reassure her. Just don't allow her to isolate herself entirely.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

LOL, we cross posted! Growling and an occasional swat are just part of it...she has to teach this little upstart some manners, after all!

 

[Donna_NZ]

I must thank you both very much. I am actually watching Minnie and Sophie play-fighting! They are taking turns initiating it and it’s not aggressive at all. Minnie has stopped growling and hissing. She sometimes goes into her safe room but, increasingly often, she is staying out. Sophie has mostly learned when enough is enough. Minnie needs to gain a bit of weight but hopefully that will come with time. I can’t believe it’s worked so well and so fast.
Thank you so much for taking the time to help me - I’m a very happy and relieved cat mum.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

You are more than welcome! That's why we are all here, and why this community works. I'm tickled to death for you.

 

[ArtNJ]

Excellent! Happy to have helped!