OK DOn't Make Fun Of Me...But Am I Being Paranoid?

[feralwhisperer]

Vinceneilsgirl I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t know where to begin so if I ramble Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m sorry. Also this is just my opinions. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m no expert.

My best friend has a psych degree and she says that comes from growing up in a house with drug addicted/alcoholic parents. I had to become a control freak because of all the chaos around me.

Every home needs someone in charge clearly your parents were unable to handle this. So you did what you needed to do to function in that house, you took control. Now your having a hard time with thing that you can't control but the outcome would effect you significantly. In this situation your Angel dieing in her sleep, it has happen in the past with Haley. Yes it could happen, but not likely at this point in Angelâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s life.

But this feels different. I really have no control over this. I'll tell myself; "Angel is fine, don't wake her"...and then 2 seconds later another thought will come that says; "If you don't wake her she'll die in her sleep". It was the same thing with Haley. And when I twist in my hair its so comforting I can't stop, and feel like if I don't something bad will happen.

In the home you grew up in only way to emotionally survive was by being in total control. It sound like you did a great job. Now to manage in the world you need to find a balance between control and letting go.

OK I'm crying now. I'm an awful person because I can't control myself.

This touch me a lot. I too grew up in a home that was far less that perfect. My life felt out of control and yes I spend years hating myself. I spend years dealing with old stuff. In the end the only thing I still regret is the years I spend hating myself. What a waste of my life and time. I not perfect and that is ok.

I hope you can learn to like and accept who you are, and maybe laugh at your quirks. We all have them. Please stop beating yourself up.

Here are some site to help with the hair twisting.

http://www.trich.org/home/default.asp?FC=3182851

http://www.trich.org/v1/whatis.htm

http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/92.cfm

http://www.vh.org/adult/patient/psyc...chotillomania/

 

[taurus5567]

i'm probably sooooooooo late coming in on this one, but i DO know how you feel. most of the people who have kitties would. I also have three teenaged kids who i would check all the time when they were little as well. whereas i don't wake any of my kitties up to make sure they are okay, i would stand there and stare at their torso to detect the rise and fall of their breathing. if i couldn't tell, i would gently lay my hand on their ribs to feel the rise and fall or in front of their noses to feel their exhales. sometimes i feel really silly doing it, but that hasn't stopped me. i still watch my kids breathing sometimes to make sure they still are. my son stopped breathing when he was three months old and had to be rushed to the hospital via helicopter so i imagine thats where my paranoia stems.

 

[ricalynn]

Originally Posted by Deb25

If you feel out of control over these matters, maybe it's time to see the doctor. It has nothing to do with being an awful person. But do you really want your life taken over by things you can't control?

I second this, dear heart. You have no control over what might happen to Angel, and if you feel like you have no control over the hair-twisting it's time to pull in some reinforcements, and by that I mean professionals. I was the first in my family to seek help before anything major happened, and it was only after my dad was hospitalized for a panic attack this spring (which he thought was a heart attack) that I found out there's a looooong history of anxiety disorder in my family.
You sound like you already understand a good deal about why you do what you do, and that's half the battle of doing something to change it! You still have control of YOU and when you strike that balance between control and letting go, you will feel sooo much better.

You are NOT a horrible person!!! It's OK to cry and it's ok to feel a little outta control. But we want you to feel better!

As my best girlfriend always tells me when I get a little manic, "DEEEEEEP breathly"

 

[vinceneilsgirl]

Thanks guys. I'm feeling better. I'm going to talk to a doctor...after I help my friend (see my thread in IMO) solve his problems. I always put others first. My friend Angie says that's why I'm such agreat activist...I never think about myself until things really bother me.

 

[caprice]

My mom's cat, Oreo is 15...when I see him sleeping, I have to pet him to know that he is still alive, I get so paranoid too, he's my childhood kitty, and we'll be devestated when he leaves us one day. Lighty pet her & Please see a doc too because talking things out with someone may help you ease your pain!

 

[rosiemac]

Awwww i know how you feel. Rosie wasn't even 1 year old and i used to think the worst and ended up upsetting myself, but i learned to put it at the back of my mind and enjoy everyday i have with her.

Angel is still a little girl, please don't worry over it otherwise it's going to drag you down and Angel needs her mum to be happy so she can be happy

 

[ricalynn]

Originally Posted by vinceneilsgirl

Thanks guys. I'm feeling better. I'm going to talk to a doctor...after I help my friend (see my thread in IMO) solve his problems. I always put others first. My friend Angie says that's why I'm such agreat activist...I never think about myself until things really bother me.

Vinceneilsgirl,
Hon I think it's time you put YOUR problems on the frontburner and move your friends to the back burner for a bit. I read about your friend in IMO (and I pm'd you about that too), but I really think you're doing all you can for him by just listening. HE has to take the next steps. YOU, on the other hand, need to take care of you, so you can continue to take care of others. I'm glad you're feeling better now, but we all want you to continue feeling better. Don't wait to see the doctor until "after I help this friend/that friend sort out their problems" because something else will ALWAYS come up.

This is where I've had the hardest time - I too am a nurturer by nature, and it's been hard for me to learn my own limits. I still relapse from time to time and bite off more than I can chew by finding friends with too many problems for me to handle, but I just remind myself that if I can't take good care of me, I certainly can't take care of anyone else - and it's NOT MY JOB to do that anyhow. Be good to you, and you'll be surprised at how much easier it will be to be good to everyone else!

 

[feralwhisperer]

Vinceneilsgirl

I read your last posting and was trying to find the right words to say what wanting to say to you. Well now that I've read Rica Lynn posting those are exactly the words I was looking for. Please reread her posting.
It is time for you to take care of your needs. It doesn't make you less of a friend. Maybe you and your friend need to lean on each other while getting outside help. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m rooting for you.

Fern