Katie, Your words speak to my soul and in them I can see mirrored thoughts and feelings that reflect elements, love and heart break in my life.
You are an INCREDIBLE writer. I have never had the ability to write in prose (perhaps because I have not tried), but you have a natrual aire of comfortablity in expressing your inner world through this very expressive form and it speaks stars of your inner being.
I can't wait to read more. Perhaps (if the audience here will be forgiving) I shall attempt to try prose writing, for I find in your own words an inspiration. Simply beautiful!
The depth of your being rises in the poems you offer and in the reflections of your thoughts. It is for me a thrill to read your words blue, as you take me on a roller coaster of emotion and I experience through you segments of your life. Keep writing and don't ever stop!
DON'T GIVE UP!!!!! I'll share something very personal with you that may prove as some encouragment.
I am STILL, at 34, a struggling writer/filmmaker. I may never achieve the success that I have always strived for, but I have improved as a writer. Mostly in just the last few years I feel. It has taken me years to find my own comfortably, something that you seem to have NOW. And your 20, right?! Well, KEEP trying, if only to fulfill your own needs.
You have a very special and capable talent that not just everyone has. I feel that my writing is descent, but it has taken many years of self training and severe criticism of my own works (scripts and the like) to achieve the level that I wished that I had when I was 20.
Never give up your dream or your hope, even on those days that are dark, for it is in the days where you question your own abilities and those days that you seriously consider giving up, that you may find your deepest motivation.
I speak from experience, because a week doesn't go by (more so as I get older) that I don't consider just walking away. But it is in our creative outlet that we can find peace and in it that one finds things about themselves that they never before considered.
You sound as if you are your own worst critic, as am I. I hate everything I do, but even in that, I see glimmers of something more. Something better. And, if we weren't so critical of ourselves, then we would never learn or grow or strive to do better.
Keep your head high and your pen flowing across the paper, for it is in your creative abilities that you find your own souls best direction and desire.
Although I cannot join you in poetry, I offer this familiar poem to let you know how I feel about your work.
He wishes for the cloths of heaven
Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.