No Good Decisions

[mxw1214]

I had to say goodbye to my sweet 16 yo Tortie two days ago who had small cell lymphoma that progressed to large cell lymphoma. It took about two weeks to figure out what the problem was and she didn't eat much during that time, but never developed hepatic liver. Two days before giving up, we found the cancer in ultrasound and immediately started CHOP.

I regret not having insisted on an ultrasound sooner in the process, to allow treatment to be given sooner - even if it still wouldn't have worked by starting sooner, maybe she could have suffered less in the end. I also regret taking her to the vet the last time instead of in home euthanasia. She was so stressed out by the last visit that she collapsed after getting the catheter. She was so limp I thought maybe they had given her something to sedate before bringing her to me, but after looking at the invoice I don't think they did.

I know from reading other posts that I am not alone in my regrets. I don't think anything I would have done would have felt right - even with in home euthanasia I think I always would have wondered if I should have given CHOP more time to work. But it is so hard to have the final moments with my loved one be filled with her suffering. She was my favorite cat of all and I miss her so much.

I do have a few questions in case anyone has insights.

1) I have dosages of chlorambucil leftover. How do I dispose of them? I can't find any info online but it doesn't seem like I can donate them and it also doesn't seem like I can throw them in the garbage.

2) a few months ago, she started adorably fairly loudly snoring sometimes when she slept. Was this a sign of the cancer progression that I missed? She had GI cancer, so I didn't think it was related and I really hope I didn't miss that.

3) is it normal for cats to get as stressed as she did at the vet? Where she basically went limp? Is it possible she had some kind of cardiac event?

thank you for your time in reading our story!

 

[marshmallow2013]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. Please don’t feel you did anything wrong.
Unused chlorambucil tablets and empty containers should be returned to your veterinary practice for safe disposal.
My cat also was snoring lightly for a couple months before he passed away from oral cancer. Although he didn’t snore all the time. He had no other symptoms and the vet said he was in great health. I had no idea his snoring was caused by the illness.

 

[di and bob]

I think she was so limp because she was ready, her tiny body had fought so hard, it needed the relief. i also think it most likely wouldn't have mattered when you started the treatments, cats are so good at hiding illnesses, and cancer is a relentless horrible disease. Sometimes no matter what we do, it isn't enough, it doesn't change the final outcome........
Your sweet girl is at peace now because she carries your love in her heart. don't dwell on her end when the beautiful memories you will always have are so numerous and will bring you comfort. Her end will only bring pain. She would want you to go forward into the future and live it as you would want for her to go on if you were the first to go, that is love and she loved you so much.
These first days, months, and years are so hard to get through. Eventually, your poor heart will find it's peace, you will think of her with a smile instead of tears. But that is in the future. We can't change the past, the future is not ours to see, so live right now in the present and take one day at a time. Her love is spiritual, so eternal, so will be with you always. She lives on through you now and would like nothing more than to help you find love once again, sharing the legacy she left you, and helping it to grow even stronger. she gave you one of this world's greatest treasures, a cat's love.......RIP precious Tortie. You will always be remembered, you will forever have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[mxw1214]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. Please don’t feel you did anything wrong.
Unused chlorambucil tablets and empty containers should be returned to your veterinary practice for safe disposal.
My cat also was snoring lightly for a couple months before he passed away from oral cancer. Although he didn’t snore all the time. He had no other symptoms and the vet said he was in great health. I had no idea his snoring was caused by the illness.

Oh no...that's a little what I'm wondering because she always had some issues with coughing like something was stuck in her throat, and swallowed a lot. They checked her GI and mouth and she did have GI lymphoma, but I wonder if somehow we missed nasal cancer that would have been found with a CT or something. I am glad I know what to look for now and ask, but I still have regrets.

I will call our regular vet to see if they can dispose the medication. The oncologist who prescribed it is an hour away and the pharmacy she used mailed it from another state.

i am really sorry to hear about your loss as well. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me.

 

[mxw1214]

I think she was so limp because she was ready, her tiny body had fought so hard, it needed the relief. i also think it most likely wouldn't have mattered when you started the treatments, cats are so good at hiding illnesses, and cancer is a relentless horrible disease. Sometimes no matter what we do, it isn't enough, it doesn't change the final outcome........
Your sweet girl is at peace now because she carries your love in her heart. don't dwell on her end when the beautiful memories you will always have are so numerous and will bring you comfort. Her end will only bring pain. She would want you to go forward into the future and live it as you would want for her to go on if you were the first to go, that is love and she loved you so much.
These first days, months, and years are so hard to get through. Eventually, your poor heart will find it's peace, you will think of her with a smile instead of tears. But that is in the future. We can't change the past, the future is not ours to see, so live right now in the present and take one day at a time. Her love is spiritual, so eternal, so will be with you always. She lives on through you now and would like nothing more than to help you find love once again, sharing the legacy she left you, and helping it to grow even stronger. she gave you one of this world's greatest treasures, a cat's love.......RIP precious Tortie. You will always be remembered, you will forever have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

Thank you for this comforting message!

 

[DeesCats]

I am so sorry for your loss!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentIe, Precious Tortie GirI, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

No matter what we do or do not do, I think that we aII have regrets. We are fiIIed with "what ifs." But in the end, onIy one thing remains...we (most of us, and you, certainIy) make the very best decisions based on what we know at the time. And that is aII that can be asked of us. Your sweet girI Iived, breathed and had her being wrapped in your Iove, and you sent your Iove with her as she passed through the Gate between this Adventure and her Next Great Adventure to guide her way. Now, from That Place Where All Things Are Known, she blesses you, and she sends her love, translated and purified into Love, back to walk with you down through all of your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.