New Kitten and Older Cat Interactions

[crowe]

Hello all!

My partner and I recently adopted a female kitten a month or two ago (she's just about 8 months now, and spayed), and while she and our older male cat Jinx (who is about 8 or 9 years old, and is neutered) have been doing well acclimating to one another and we've been introducing them properly, we've also noticed some behavior we're not sure whether to let play out or to scold for and put a stop to.

The main concern is that Jinx has recently started to scruff and pin her. I've seen a few posts about situations like this, both on this site and others, but I just wanted to get a bit of more specific advice for our situation.
Harley, our kitten, doesn't seem to mind half the time, or at the least is just kind of uncomfortable and stays still, but then will cry and hiss the other half. She is a bit obnoxious as most kittens are, and doesn't really have good boundaries yet which does lead to some of these interactions as it's clear Jinx gets annoyed with her, but other times he will just walk up to her unprovoked and pin her.
They do play together (despite his mid age, Jinx is a very playful / energetic cat, which is why we decided on a kitten as opposed to a slightly older cat), and though I haven't seen them doing so for long, they have been grooming one another and have otherwise no issue spending time in the same space. Harley also doesn't seem to be afraid of him, or impacted negatively by this behavior beyond just clearly not liking it as it occurs.
I also don't know how much of a grain of salt I should take her complaints with, because she's a very. Spirited calico, and growls and sometimes hisses about Anything she can't have/do that she wants (for example, most of all if it's food related, regardless of whose it is, or if she cannot under any circumstances have any (namely chocolate)). I don't doubt she's uncomfortable at the least with his behavior, and it doesn't look very nice either, but she really has no manners with anyone in the house (people or pets).

I've seen people say that this can be an extension of play fighting and setting boundaries/corrections and teaching the kitten manners, and I've also seen people say it can be dominance or mating behaviors even with neutered / spayed cats. I can't imagine it's very pleasant for Harley and I want to make sure that she's not being made to feel insecure/distressed (especially as prior she had started to have an unrelated behavioral issue with peeing that we're trying to prevent from being a permanent problem, and Jinx is a very jealous cat), but at the same time if Jinx is just setting boundaries with her, I don't want to scold him for doing that (especially Because Harley can be objectively annoying, as kittens can be, and keep pushing boundaries / pestering, and it would do her well to learn from another cat what appropriate social behavior is. Though I also imagine some of her pushing on boundaries so much will calm a bit as she ages).
If anyone has thoughts or opinions, I would love to hear it! Most of all on whether you think we should let this behavior continue if she doesn't cry, or if we should distract/stop him when he does this.

 

[ArtNJ]

Kittens are pains. In a high % of the cases, it goes basically one of two ways when you add one to a 9 year old. Either the older cat is inexplicably afraid of the tiny ball of fluff, and in these cases the stress can be very hard to get rid of. Sometimes they even swat at the kitten with enough vigor that its actually a bit scary and we dont feel comfortable proceeding. The other way it goes is that the 9 year old pins the kitten when it gets annoying. Whether its teaching manners or something else, those 9 year olds really seem to do better, and the prospects for the cats getting along seem to be better.

I totally understand your a bit worried about the kitten. But kittens are the most adaptable of cats on average, and for the most part they just arent phased except in the moment. In the moment, they might squeal. They might run and hide. But typically they come back out in a few and act like nothing happened, and even initiate play. From what I've seen and read, you can absolutely trust that. If the kitten was stressed, you'd see something very different. Being pinned (and often play bitten on the neck) may not be comfortable; it seems to be akin to older human brother giving little brother a head noogie. But thats all it is. No injuries. Little brother is not deterred, and seems to get a net benefit from having the older cat around.

That is my two cents. Your doing better than average for kitten plus 9 year old. Heck, probably more than 50% of pairs at these ages NEVER play, and you've already got some play. One pair I had, two years after the intro they finally played for like a minute, and I almost cried. It can be hard. But in your case, your already doing well and there is every chance for continued improvement.

Personally, I don't think you can improve this with training or oversight/management and say to let them be. If the kitten seems particularly miserable and unable to extricate, you can gently intervene, but you don't need to look at it as your job.

 

[crowe]

Kittens are pains. In a high % of the cases, it goes basically one of two ways when you add one to a 9 year old. Either the older cat is inexplicably afraid of the tiny ball of fluff, and in these cases the stress can be very hard to get rid of. Sometimes they even swat at the kitten with enough vigor that its actually a bit scary and we dont feel comfortable proceeding. The other way it goes is that the 9 year old pins the kitten when it gets annoying. Whether its teaching manners or something else, those 9 year olds really seem to do better, and the prospects for the cats getting along seem to be better.

I totally understand your a bit worried about the kitten. But kittens are the most adaptable of cats on average, and for the most part they just arent phased except in the moment. In the moment, they might squeal. They might run and hide. But typically they come back out in a few and act like nothing happened, and even initiate play. From what I've seen and read, you can absolutely trust that. If the kitten was stressed, you'd see something very different. Being pinned (and often play bitten on the neck) may not be comfortable; it seems to be akin to older human brother giving little brother a head noogie. But thats all it is. No injuries. Little brother is not deterred, and seems to get a net benefit from having the older cat around.

That is my two cents. Your doing better than average for kitten plus 9 year old. Heck, probably more than 50% of pairs at these ages NEVER play, and you've already got some play. One pair I had, two years after the intro they finally played for like a minute, and I almost cried. It can be hard. But in your case, your already doing well and there is every chance for continued improvement.

Personally, I don't think you can improve this with training or oversight/management and say to let them be. If the kitten seems particularly miserable and unable to extricate, you can gently intervene, but you don't need to look at it as your job.

Thank you for your reply and input!

I'm glad to hear it seems like they're doing really well for their age combo, and that it shouldn't be much to worry about. I've definitely been very happy and lucky that they've gotten along so well, and so quickly too. It's been a major convenience for sure!
It sounds like then that it's something just to keep an ear out for if it ever gets a bit too rough, but not likely to cause problems between them. It doesn't seem like an aggression thing from Jinx, but it's still nice to get an outside opinion to help set that worry to rest.
Makes it easier to supervise a little less, and not restrict Harley and Jinx overly worrying that he'll go around picking on her or anything.

I'll keep that in mind watching them, and try to let them handle it on their own more! And let Jinx actually teach her those boundaries. Having pets is almost like having permanent toddlers that I've picked up some helicopter pet-parenting, looks like, though better to worry over nothing than not over something I suppose