Twenty years ago, a year-old stray adopted ME (I was also not a cat person), and we were together for 18 years until she passed away. She was very much like you describe your cat--she did not like to be picked up OR petted--except on her terms.
What I discovered is that she LOVED to be talked to, and that if I were seated in a chair, if she wanted to be petted, she would walk over--and then walk away when she'd had enough.
I really wanted a lap cat, but I accepted her on her terms, and we were very happy together.
My advice would be to back off on any handling of the cat and let the cat train you to meet its needs. I find that they're very good at that--if we pay attention.
What I discovered is that she LOVED to be talked to, and that if I were seated in a chair, if she wanted to be petted, she would walk over--and then walk away when she'd had enough.
I really wanted a lap cat, but I accepted her on her terms, and we were very happy together.
My advice would be to back off on any handling of the cat and let the cat train you to meet its needs. I find that they're very good at that--if we pay attention.
