New Cats And Feeling Guilty

[stephanie junca]

Hi there,

My sweet kitty, Paprika, passed away a little over 2 months ago. I recently got my sweet kitty tattooed on my leg in rememberance of her because she was a big part of my life. Here is a pic of the tattoo:

The artist did an amazing job. The eyes are really what strikes me every time I look at it because they are her eyes.

So, I knew I would adopt again in the future but wasn't sure when exactly. Recently, my fiance's mother, who takes in cats frequently on their ranch property, came upon an older woman who needed to part ways with her cats as she unfortunately was in end stage cancer and would be placed in hospice soon.

My fiance's mother took the cats in but found that they had been declawed. She has put them in a bathroom for the time being in the house since they aren't safe outside. My fiance suggested I adopt them since I have an opening essentially. I thought about it for a few days. Then I went over to meet them and I felt very happy with the cats. Believe me I have been snuggling as many cats as possible since my Paprika passed but I felt something special with these two kitties. Even my fiance noticed that they actually perked up with me.

I went away for Labor Day weekend to see my family and thought on it some more. When I came back, I decided to adopt these babies because they need a good home. I have space and pretty much became a vet because of caring for my sick kitty for 18 years so they will be in good hands.

The past two days I have been preparing my home for their arrival. Today, after work, I went to Petco and bought them food, bowls, beds, litter, etc. You name it. I started to feel guilty all of the sudden. I realized that for the past few years I had not really bought anything fun for Paprika because most of what I spent on her went to medications and special foods and bags of fluids.

I spent quite a bit of money on supplies for the new kitties. I put my things in my car and drove home and the next thing I knew I started to cry. I almost feel as though I am betraying my Paprika but I know I am not. I will never be able to replace her. She was so special to me and these cats need a good home. Why do I feel guilty? Seems so silly...

 

[verna davies]

Its not silly at all. I lost both my old cats within 6 months of each other and adopted 2 cats quite soon after then a further cat a year later. I felt guilty also, as if I had dismissed the other two that had died. I think it is a natural feeling. You cared for Paprika over and above what a lot of other people would do, she was really lucky. Now you are doing another lovely thing for these two that need a good home and someone to love them. You have nothing to feel guilty about, dont let it spoil the pleasure of your new ones, it sounds as if they and you are going to have a lovely life together. Please post photos.

 

[di and bob]

Not silly at all......I became mad at MYSELF for even being happy at times when my Chrissy died, it took me many years to realize that she would want me to find happiness, love once more BECAUSE of the love we had for each other, not in spite of it. That lady that is dying, she is trying to bring happiness to those little ones because she loves them so much, and will continue to do so even after her death. She can now find peace because of you, you will be blessed.
Your precious Paprika wants no less for you because she loves you just as much.Just as you would want for her if you were the first to go.You will ALWAYS have the love you to shared with Paprika, it can never be taken from you. Any new loves will be an addition to that love, will help it grow, will bring it out into the sunshine where it will remind you, comfort you that she is near and will help you in any way she can. That because of the love you shared, you CAN find other loves, she taught you well.....She left you the only legacy she could, how to love another, and would be proud for you to pass it on, in this way you keep her memory and the love alive. She will always be a part of your life because she is a part of your soul, your very being through the love you have with each other. Love is spiritual, so eternal.
You feel guilty because you are buying things that will bring pleasure and fun, something Paprika didn't have much of in those last few months, but you gave her so much more than material things. You bought what you could afford at the time because that is what had to be bought, toys would have meant little to a little one trying to survive. You gave her a gift that meant the world to her, that gift was your love and your presence in a time she needed you the most. you gave her the biggest gift of all......
Like a mother with several children, you will open your heart to these new little ones, each love unique and precious. Love will come because Paprika will help you, will urge you to welcome the distraction from your grief. Will urge you to fall in love again, and in this way keep her own love alive in your heart.
I truly pray you find happiness in these new additions to the family. Grief is like a tide, and will return because that is what it does, you will be at one moment riding high on top the waves and finding joy, the next moment a tsunami will drown you in a sea of tears. But with the help of friend who understand, with the help of Paprika, you will make it, take one day at a time. You have a big heart capable of love and I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted!

 

[les26]

It is not silly at all, first you are only 2 months removed from the loss of your little Paprika, and when I was in the throws of despair after having my heart broken after loss of cats I was told that it really takes about 1.5 YEARS to start to be able to deal with it, so this is so fresh yet that it is easy to open the wound again so to speak. But you are doing a WONDERFUL thing here, your Paprika is happy and pleased to see you pour your love on others in need and she approves 100%, it is normal to think things like this but with time it will pass, it is still just the grief playing mind games with you but with time and once you get these two settled in you will look back and realize it was just stress and grief and things worked out just fine.

Good luck and God Bless.....

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Such a human reaction, that one. This is the best thing I can tell you...Paprika KNEW, and still knows, that she was loved beyond all telling. And she knows that you honor her and her life with you by adopting these two cats who so desperately need a home. But you will still have those moments, because you are human. Know them for what they are, and love your new kitties in her memory and her honor.

 

[stephanie junca]

Thanks everyone for your responses!

I got the cats yesterday after work and I am glad I did. Both cats were scared at first of course. They have been moved around twice already. First to my fiance's parent's house and then to my apartment. The larger kitty who we are calling Spock hid behind the fridge for half the night. I then lured her/him (we aren't completely sure on the sex at the moment) out with some tasty tuna wet food. He ate and then I brushed his fur and since then he has been such a love. Here is a picture from this morning:

He is double the size of my Paprika!

The other kitty explored for a while last nught but since then has been hiding under my couch. I have placed food in a little hideaway by the couch to see if she will come out but no luck so far. We are calling her Luna like Luna Lovegood of Harry Potter because she is a little crazy haha. I know it will take some time for her to warm up. Spock goes to check on her from time to time. I feel like he is whispering to her that it is safe here

 

[Mamanyt1953]

And Paprika is purring about it all.

 

[les26]

And Paprika is purring about it all.