New Cat More Fearful Of Me After 2 Weeks

[kathyfrank]

I have a new 1 year old cat in the home. She is a sweet girl, and was more affectionate when I first brought her home. The rescue that I got her from thought she would be a good match for me (I have a 7yo boy who is very passive). I have her in her own safe room. As soon as she left the crate (after a day) she found the small closet in the room and buried herself in back of the carpet cleaner. I have left her there and whenever I come in, I contort my body to try to pet her. I have to coax her out. When she first arrived she was coaxed more easily. Now she has moved to a softer place in the closet (on top of a comforter) but won't be coaxed out. At night she seems to be more comfortable, and when I go in the room she is usually in the window which I keep cracked so she can have some outside smells. When I go into the room now, she seems to get more freaked out by me. She gets nervous and I can tell she is thinking about darting into the closet - her safe place. It seems as though she is becoming more afraid of me, even though I haven't done anything to make this happen. The biggest thing I have done was try to pick her up to give her a kiss, and a few times she was okay with it but now she wants no part of it.
I am busy working a lot and go into the room about 4x a day. Every time I greet her with 'hellos' and food or treats. I thought that as time goes on she would be getting more comfortable, not more afraid. I am wondering if her isolation is making her more afraid of everything. She came from a rescue shelter, so she was in a room filled with cats. Now she is all alone. I try to go in when I can, and even when she doesn't want to be around me, I just sit there and do stuff on my computer (after trying to coax her out etc). Should I just continue on as is, or should I try to get her into the house? I have another cat, and they have only laid eyes on each other as i was leaving the room (and the resident was camped out on the other side of the door). I just don't know if I am doing things correctly. I know the whole introduction thing for cats, but it seems to be getting worse, not better.....

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi! You'll need to stop coaxing, stop trying to pick her up, and basically just leave her alone, including very little eye contact.
Do continue sitting while you're on the computer, read out loud, talk out loud, hold conversations with her.
I would try some classical harp music or the app Relax My Cat. Also try some chamomile tea from the tea bags for her.
Don't approach her. Don't move her out of the room yet. Let her come to you, and it might be a while, but treats on the floor may help eventually.

 

[kathyfrank]

I am playing a icalm cat thing. It plays classical music that is supposed to be calming to cats. I bought it at the vet's when I was relocating a while back (and played it in the car for the journey). I also have a feliway diffuser in the room. I appreciate your suggestions. I thought that maybe she was getting too accustomed to being alone and that was working against me...as in she was becoming a recluse and was becoming more accustomed to less and less interaction. Is this somewhat common or unusual?
Can you tell me more about the tea? Do I work the leaves into her food? Or do I brew the tea and add it to her food or water? Thanks

 

[rubysmama]

Here's some articles that might have some tips for you:

How To Help A New Cat Adjust To Your Home

How To Get A Cat To Come Out Of Hiding?
10 Must-know Tips For Happy Living With A Shy Cat
16 Top Cat Experts Share Tips For Dealing With Timid Cats

14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me

Plus though this is for handling feral cats, some of the suggested tips may help with your adopted girl.

Handling Feral Cats

Good luck.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi- in my opinion, you forced her too fast by constantly coaxing, when she wasn't ready.
Along with the terrific info that rubysmana posted, you want to be very very patient, even more so now.
The tea is made from commercial tea bags which is safe for cats (not the loose tea), cool it, then add to food or water, 1-3 teaspoonfuls up to three times a day.
But mainly, don't approach her, let her approach you, and it will take time.

 

[caesg]

Oh, kathyfrank , I can empathize! I'm currently working with a timid cat and the work is so sooooo slow! How has today been?

 

[kathyfrank]

Today is the same. I am just letting her be. She stays in the closet. I brought wet food and set it down and then I went and sat in a chair on the other side of the room. She came out to eat and then went back in the closet. She is now no longer in back of the carpet cleaner, but on top of a bunch of quilts, so she has found a soft place and she can look out at me while I sit there. It is reassuring to know this won't be our life together......that she will eventually come out......

 

[Furballsmom]

She is now no longer in back of the carpet cleaner, but on top of a bunch of quilts, so she has found a soft place and she can look out at me while I sit there.

This is terrific news!!! Good for you, sounds like you two are on the right track for sure

 

[KarenKat]

If she came out to eat with you in the room, that’s a great sign! Furballsmom nailed it right on the head when she said not to make the first move. Imagine moving in someplace with a roommate and that roommate immediately tried to kiss you. You would feel they were being overly forward and rude, and you might try and avoid them.

Now imagine your earnest actions in trying to bond with your kitty - in cat language, you aren’t respecting her boundaries and she doesn’t know what to think or expect. Letting her make the first move will build up her confidence and let her decide when she’s ready that you are safe. It may take a little while but she will get there.

If she is looking at you, try using the “slow blink”. Relax your face, don’t look at her eyes (maybe aim for her ear - cats see looking right in the eyes as a challenge or aggressive move), and slowly blink. After this, casually look away. This is cat language for “I’m not a threat” and generally really relaxes cats.

 

[Tobermory]

Don’t lose heart! I adopted a semi feral three-year-old in October, and it took weeks before I could touch her...and then only if I reached out the back of my hand very slowly so she could see it was coming. Then I could lightly run my hand down her head and back. Barely. She’d often flinch and still does when The Spouse tries to pet her. He moves too quickly and she’s not ready for him.

So...nine months later and at this very moment, she’s lying on my lap! She jumped up here herself. I still can’t pick her up. It was a sloooow process and I spent a lot of time simply being in the same room and talking to her.

I also have two other cats. That took time, too. One adjusted better than the other, but we finally seem to have reached detente.

Just have patience with her!

 

[kathyfrank]

This is terrific news!!! Good for you, sounds like you two are on the right track for sure

I'm so glad to hear this.....I wouldn't know this was success unless I heard it. I'm learning a lot about cat behavior!!

 

[kathyfrank]

If she came out to eat with you in the room, that’s a great sign! Furballsmom nailed it right on the head when she said not to make the first move. Imagine moving in someplace with a roommate and that roommate immediately tried to kiss you. You would feel they were being overly forward and rude, and you might try and avoid them.

Now imagine your earnest actions in trying to bond with your kitty - in cat language, you aren’t respecting her boundaries and she doesn’t know what to think or expect. Letting her make the first move will build up her confidence and let her decide when she’s ready that you are safe. It may take a little while but she will get there.

If she is looking at you, try using the “slow blink”. Relax your face, don’t look at her eyes (maybe aim for her ear - cats see looking right in the eyes as a challenge or aggressive move), and slowly blink. After this, casually look away. This is cat language for “I’m not a threat” and generally really relaxes cats.

This is great info! I laughed out loud when i read the comment about the roommate. I can envision a giant roommate trying to grab me and kiss me after just meeting. I would be mortified and scared to death, and probably hide in a closet!! LOL

 

[kathyfrank]

Don’t lose heart! I adopted a semi feral three-year-old in October, and it took weeks before I could touch her...and then only if I reached out the back of my hand very slowly so she could see it was coming. Then I could lightly run my hand down her head and back. Barely. She’d often flinch and still does when The Spouse tries to pet her. He moves too quickly and she’s not ready for him.

So...nine months later and at this very moment, she’s lying on my lap! She jumped up here herself. I still can’t pick her up. It was a sloooow process and I spent a lot of time simply being in the same room and talking to her.

I also have two other cats. That took time, too. One adjusted better than the other, but we finally seem to have reached detente.

Just have patience with her!

It is good to hear this because it shows me how slow this can go. Clearly my expectations have been pretty high, not realizing how unique cats are in their different timeframes of bonding and feeling secure. Your Iris looks like my Moe! Iris is such a cute name

 

[Tobermory]

It is good to hear this because it shows me how slow this can go. Clearly my expectations have been pretty high, not realizing how unique cats are in their different timeframes of bonding and feeling secure. Your Iris looks like my Moe! Iris is such a cute name

Thank you! I always wanted to name a cat after my favorite flower. It’s Iris who has adjusted to Mocha more quickly than Lily. Lily is still kind of unhappy about Mocha.

One other unusual—to me—behavior I’ve discovered as Mocha has become more socialized: In the past couple of months, she accompanies me to bed and lies on my lap while I read. She lets me run my hands up and down her back and stomach and is so relaxed that she topples slowly off my lap onto the bed and lies there with her feet in the air purring loudly. If I tried that somewhere else, I might lose a hand! I don’t know why she feels so secure when I’m in bed; she’s not yet that relaxed anywhere else.

I spend a lot of time watching her body language to make sure she’s comfortable with what’s going on around her.

 

[Furballsmom]

LOL you're a Mocha Whisperer . .

 

[kathyfrank]

I just wanted to let you all know that I have been taking all of your advice. I have gone into the safe room and made initial contact with a few pets, set down wet food, and then sit down and just be. I have been doing the little to no eye contact and slow blinking. Kitty has come out on her own, and instead of going to her, I let her come to me, and the past 2 days she has been doing so. She comes out and will come near me and allow pets. She seems to get scared with movements and will run to hide under the dresser, but then she will eventually come out again. Its a work in progress but I am seeing positive results. She is more affectionate like when I first brought her home. I think I did scare her with all of my 'in your face' stuff, and backing off has helped. Thank you all!

 

[KarenKat]

Wonderful news! Thanks for the update, sounds like she’s starting to really come around!

 

[Furballsmom]

This is awesome, and you are awesome!!

 

[basscat]

The very best cats are a product of food, water, ignore.

 

[Etarre]

I have been working with a shy cat who loved to hide in the back of the closet, too. Definitely letting her approach us was the most effective method of getting her out. Playing with her was more effective in tempting her out and getting her to interact than food was for us. It also supposedly helps build confidence.

It sounds like your cat has adopted a spot in the back of the closet as hers, and feels safe there, just as Juniper did. However, Juniper also adopted her cat tree in the living room as her safe space, and we never approached her without her permission while she was up there. Since we spend most of our time there in the evenings, it allowed her to become more comfortable slowly with being around us. Once you expand your cat's safe room and lure her out into the house, make sure she has her own safe spaces in various rooms, so she can spend time with you but still feel hidden.

Like Tobermory 's Mocha, Juniper also felt most comfortable approaching us for snuggles in bed. She still is wary of lap-sitting, but is happy to jump up and steal snuggles in the middle of the night!