New cat hasn't eaten in a week, has made zero progress!

[nansiludie]

 
Our biggest problem is that we need an indoor only cat, and 95% of the cats at the shelter are either outdoor/indoor or else very elderly. It is not right for us to take on elderly cats at this time (although I would love to whenever I have the money to do so) So if we fostered a cat, and it was right for us, we most likely would be unable to keep him as he's almost definitely be an indoor/outdoor cat. We really are serious now about finding a second cat for the both of our benefit. Yes, we are hopeful that at the very least our little girl will stop being scared of us and can at least wander around happily rather than being scared, even if she doesn't ever want to cuddle up. It is my goal in life to rescue animals, so I am trying to think of this cat as a little patient rather than a pet, as she clearly needs nurturing and help of a different kind than a confident/pet cat would. It is already starting to make me more relaxed about her, which should hopefully have a benefit on her. 

I do agree this cat has ended up with us for a reason. The fact that her being on the waiting list was a year (could be even longer) says that this cat is meant to be with us. We will most likely keep her now, unless she has made ZERO progress which would mean she needs different support than what we can give her. We are anxious on whether we can find the right second cat to join our family or not now 

Yes, I know some cats can carry the feral gene which can stop them ever attaching to humans. I have had many cats that were not interested in becoming close friends (I grew up on a farm with many many cats) the problem is that at this point in my life I need support from a little furry friend. Will definitely keep an eye out for a male. Female cats that I have had in the past have always been less likely to "click" with other cats than males I have had. However do you think the right female could be out there? As I said as I'm looking for an indoor only cat there's a small pool of cats I can choose from and the right candidate may not be a male

Yes a previous user has said that as well. Will definitely have a look out for males. The previous owner did say she was cuddly and sweet, but the previous has lied about everything to do with this cat. We believe she has been caged her whole life in a shed with no or very little human contact or interaction, so she is basically semi feral. She is not food driven, so treats do not work on her unfortunately. Me and my partner have agreed to only take a new cat on that we have met in person, although we are almost definitely going to go through a shelter this time and that is a requirement anyway. Fingers crossed we find the right fella to join our family! 

I'm not sure what you mean by feral gene. A feral cat is a regular domesticated cat that wasn't socialized or handled at all by humans when they were young. There isn't any difference whatsoever between a feral cat and a house cat except the socialization of them. Experiences, especially when they are young kittens, form the cat's attitude toward much. Some do come around but then again others are more introverted, just like people. It seems since she came from a rather rough and sad up bringing, she didn't have proper handling or care.

 

[blackcatfan]

 
I'm not sure what you mean by feral gene. A feral cat is a regular domesticated cat that wasn't socialized or handled at all by humans when they were young. There isn't any difference whatsoever between a feral cat and a house cat except the socialization of them. Experiences, especially when they are young kittens, form the cat's attitude toward much. Some do come around but then again others are more introverted, just like people. It seems since she came from a rather rough and sad up bringing, she didn't have proper handling or care.

Ah well around 15% of cats born lack the "friendliness" gene and will resist all interaction with humans and willingness to socialise, there has been studies done on it. Although I do agree that our girl is shy from lack of proper handling, as she still enjoys being petted which a feral gene cat wouldnt' 

 

[red top rescue]

I see now that you are in England, which would explain why you don't have a lot of adult cats available like we do in the USA.  England has better practices, I think, and does not have to overwhelming population of unwanted cats as the U.S. does.  One of our team members, @Columbine, lives in England, so maybe she will have some ideas.  I don't think getting a kitten would be the best thing for your girl.  For one thing, single kittens pester any other cat in the house because they are used to having a mama and siblings to play with, so your girl might just find a kitten to be an aggravation.  Also, in terms of calm and cuddly, kittens may be cuddly but often they want to pounce on your toes at night or chew on your hair. 

I dont know why you think most shelter cats are indoor/outdoor, although they may have started outdoors.  Older neutered Toms are often just fine to be indoor cats even if their youth was started outdoors.  I really like your new attitude about your cat girl too:  "Yes, we are hopeful that at the very least our little girl will stop being scared of us and can at least wander around happily rather than being scared, even if she doesn't ever want to cuddle up. It is my goal in life to rescue animals, so I am trying to think of this cat as a little patient rather than a pet, as she clearly needs nurturing and help of a different kind than a confident/pet cat would. It is already starting to make me more relaxed about her, which should hopefully have a benefit on her."  That sounds like it will be a good way to look at the situation for BOTH of you!

 

[Columbine]

I've just skimmed this thread to get a sense of the whole story.

I think the issue is that, on various shelter websites, if you tick the box for indoor only very few cats come up. Indoor/outdoor is (sadly) the norm in the UK. What I'd suggest is actually speaking to a couple of shelters and explaining your situation. Most shelters I've looked at aren't anti indoor only (with the exception of ex ferals), it's just an unusual choice. I'm sure somewhere will be able to help you find the right match. I agree you want an adult - a kitten is unlikely to help matters. I don't have experience adopting cats from shelters - I've tended to cut out the middle man when rescuing (just how things have worked out thus far ).

Depending on where you are, it might be worth investigating smaller rescues, or even reputable breeders who are looking to rehome an adult cat (I can think of a couple where I know ALL the animals have excellent care).

This girl is so lucky to have found you. You might find this article helpful for her rehabilitation. Composure or Zylkene might be worth a go too.

 

[blackcatfan]

 
I see now that you are in England, which would explain why you don't have a lot of adult cats available like we do in the USA.  England has better practices, I think, and does not have to overwhelming population of unwanted cats as the U.S. does.  One of our team members, @Columbine, lives in England, so maybe she will have some ideas.  I don't think getting a kitten would be the best thing for your girl.  For one thing, single kittens pester any other cat in the house because they are used to having a mama and siblings to play with, so your girl might just find a kitten to be an aggravation.  Also, in terms of calm and cuddly, kittens may be cuddly but often they want to pounce on your toes at night or chew on your hair. 

I dont know why you think most shelter cats are indoor/outdoor, although they may have started outdoors.  Older neutered Toms are often just fine to be indoor cats even if their youth was started outdoors.  I really like your new attitude about your cat girl too:  "Yes, we are hopeful that at the very least our little girl will stop being scared of us and can at least wander around happily rather than being scared, even if she doesn't ever want to cuddle up. It is my goal in life to rescue animals, so I am trying to think of this cat as a little patient rather than a pet, as she clearly needs nurturing and help of a different kind than a confident/pet cat would. It is already starting to make me more relaxed about her, which should hopefully have a benefit on her."  That sounds like it will be a good way to look at the situation for BOTH of you!

Yes, there seems to be a limited number of adult cats, whereas kittens are very common (yet do get adopted very fast.) That is very true with the kitten. I am not keen to get a kitten anyway, but it does feel like time is running out. The thing is our local shelters are not okay with adopting out indoor/outdoor cats to homes that will confine them to just indoors, so even if I wanted to adopt an older tom, they would not allow us to take one. We just have to wait for an indoor only cat unfortunately, finding one that could be right for us may take some time. It's a very frustrating situation. Yes I agree my new outlook is definitely what is needed for both of us! Hopefully now with this new understanding our girl will feel much more open to grow as a happy cat

 

[blackcatfan]

I've just skimmed this thread to get a sense of the whole story.

I think the issue is that, on various shelter websites, if you tick the box for indoor only very few cats come up. Indoor/outdoor is (sadly) the norm in the UK. What I'd suggest is actually speaking to a couple of shelters and explaining your situation. Most shelters I've looked at aren't anti indoor only (with the exception of ex ferals), it's just an unusual choice. I'm sure somewhere will be able to help you find the right match. I agree you want an adult - a kitten is unlikely to help matters. I don't have experience adopting cats from shelters - I've tended to cut out the middle man when rescuing (just how things have worked out thus far

).

Depending on where you are, it might be worth investigating smaller rescues, or even reputable breeders who are looking to rehome an adult cat (I can think of a couple where I know ALL the animals have excellent care).

This girl is so lucky to have found you. You might find this article helpful for her rehabilitation. Composure or Zylkene might be worth a go too.

Where we live especially is quite a "countryside" city (I'm not sure if that makes sense!) It feels like several large villages together, rather than one large city, so there's pet cats wandering all over the place, all over the roads. To find an indoor only cat for adoption is very rare, even when not looking through a shelter. Will definitely steer clear of a kitten then! We steered clear of the middleman with this cat and ended up with a very different situation than we could handle at the time, so we are adamant to go through a shelter this time. 

All the smaller shelters only seem to have ferals, although I will keep an eye out. Our local shelter however will not give cats to indoor only homes that are not indoor only unfortunately. We will just have to wait it out until the right fella comes through. 

I am very thankful this girl has found us as well. It is a rocky start, but even already she has a better life than what she had, even if she does choose to limit herself to her bed for most of the day! Thank you for the article, will open it up and give it a read now

 

[Columbine]

I guess I've been lucky - my rescues have usually found me!

I know exactly what you mean about the area - there are lots of pet cats out and about here too.

Do check out the big shelters - a phone call to discuss things can't hurt It might be worth talking to local vets too - ours has a 'homes wanted' board for individuals, and the vets should be able to give you information about the cats on there, given that they're very likely to be paitents/clients. Word of mouth is generally pretty trustworthy - nothing like going in blind from an Internet ad.

 

[zed xyzed]

Thank you for giving this girl a loving home, she will likely come around, she just needs to know that she will be safe and loved. She really has a beautiful face

 

[stewball]

I see now that you are in England, which would explain why you don't have a lot of adult cats available like we do in the USA.  England has better practices, I think, and does not have to overwhelming population of unwanted cats as the U.S. does.  One of our team members, @Columbine
, lives in England, so maybe she will have some ideas.  I don't think getting a kitten would be the best thing for your girl.  For one thing, single kittens pester any other cat in the house because they are used to having a mama and siblings to play with, so your girl might just find a kitten to be an aggravation.  Also, in terms of calm and cuddly, kittens may be cuddly but often they want to pounce on your toes at night or chew on your hair. 

I dont know why you think most shelter cats are indoor/outdoor, although they may have started outdoors.  Older neutered Toms are often just fine to be indoor cats even if their youth was started outdoors.  I really like your new attitude about your cat girl too:  "Yes, we are hopeful that at the very least our little girl will stop being scared of us and can at least wander around happily rather than being scared, even if she doesn't ever want to cuddle up. It is my goal in life to rescue animals, so I am trying to think of this cat as a little patient rather than a pet, as she clearly needs nurturing and help of a different kind than a confident/pet cat would. It is already starting to make me more relaxed about her, which should hopefully have a benefit on her."  That sounds like it will be a good way to look at the situation for BOTH of you!

From what I know, shelters in England do not usually adopt out a house cat. They think a cat should be inside /outside so it's not easy to get a cat really. This is what I have read.

 

[stewball]

From what I know, shelters in England do not usually adopt out a house cat. They think a cat should be inside /outside so it's not easy to get a cat really. This is what I have read.

Seems I was right!!!!

 

[ellag]

if you find a cat or kitten you like just buy a harness, take them out for a few seconds a day and viola! you have yourself an indoor/outdoor kitty! idk why they think a cat can't live a perfectly happy life inside? i know inside cats usually live ALOT longer! i adopted a kitty like yours and didn't see him for 3 weeks. then it was just flashes of gray every once in a while then we slowly worked up to him sitting beside us. then he started sleeping at the foot of the bed. it took a few months but he ended up being one of the most affectionate cats i've ever known and believe me, i was ready to throw in the towel too!

he was never really a lap cat but if someone was REALLY upset, crying etc...he'd hop into that person's lap for just a few minutes, even people he didn't know very well! and he normally would hide when strangers were around but this cat had some sort of ESP and he knew when he was needed. so don't give up on your girl yet. i would also advise getting a male. i have 2 females and 4 males right now but all of my most affectionate cats over the years have all been male...and i think a kitten is a great idea, a baby might bring her out of her shell. she would have him to look after and she might just forget how afraid she is.

 

[molly92]

It really is too bad there aren't more indoor cats available! Someone will come along, though. I'd vote for a docile adult cat given the circumstances. This kitty may be fine with kittens, but a lot of adult cats get very annoyed by them. She might also be cautious of adult cats as well, but we can't know for sure because we don't know what her previous experiences have been like. So it's a tossup for what age cat will be best for her, but you do know what will be best for you. Most kittens aren't that cuddly because they don't like sitting still for very long, plus you don't know for sure what personality a cat is going to have until they're a couple years old at least. 

 

[blackcatfan]

 
It really is too bad there aren't more indoor cats available! Someone will come along, though. I'd vote for a docile adult cat given the circumstances. This kitty may be fine with kittens, but a lot of adult cats get very annoyed by them. She might also be cautious of adult cats as well, but we can't know for sure because we don't know what her previous experiences have been like. So it's a tossup for what age cat will be best for her, but you do know what will be best for you. Most kittens aren't that cuddly because they don't like sitting still for very long, plus you don't know for sure what personality a cat is going to have until they're a couple years old at least. 

I know, I've had many kittens over the years (a lot of people dump kittens on farms for some reason) and they aren't really my preference because of how vocal and fidgety they are, almost like human children, which I am also not keen on! An adult would be best for both of us really

 

[blackcatfan]

 
if you find a cat or kitten you like just buy a harness, take them out for a few seconds a day and viola! you have yourself an indoor/outdoor kitty! idk why they think a cat can't live a perfectly happy life inside? i know inside cats usually live ALOT longer! i adopted a kitty like yours and didn't see him for 3 weeks. then it was just flashes of gray every once in a while then we slowly worked up to him sitting beside us. then he started sleeping at the foot of the bed. it took a few months but he ended up being one of the most affectionate cats i've ever known and believe me, i was ready to throw in the towel too!

he was never really a lap cat but if someone was REALLY upset, crying etc...he'd hop into that person's lap for just a few minutes, even people he didn't know very well! and he normally would hide when strangers were around but this cat had some sort of ESP and he knew when he was needed. so don't give up on your girl yet. i would also advise getting a male. i have 2 females and 4 males right now but all of my most affectionate cats over the years have all been male...and i think a kitten is a great idea, a baby might bring her out of her shell. she would have him to look after and she might just forget how afraid she is.

Even if we said that to the shelter, they won't let us take them. We saw a gorgeous 8 year old boy, very social and confident, listed on a shelter website. We call up and they said he is indoor/outdoor and under no circumstance would they give him to us to be an indoor only cat. He is a bit older than what most people would be okay with adopting, so who knows how long he will be sitting in a sterile shelter room. But that's what they'd rather have than him being smooched and cuddled (like they say he wants to be!) in a warm cozy home. 

We are hopeful about our current girl, even if she is never a lap cat we'd love for her to even sit beside us, as it would mean she was comfortable. Others have said the kitten may not respect our lady's boundaries, which are very important to her. We can't judge how maternal she'd become, but it doesn't seem very likely she would. An older male does seem like the best

 

[blackcatfan]

From what I know, shelters in England do not usually adopt out a house cat. They think a cat should be inside /outside so it's not easy to get a cat really. This is what I have read.

Yes it really is difficult unfortunately

 

[stewball]

Yes it really is difficult unfortunately

I think it's ridiculous. How many cato get run over from being outside, shot, maltreated by future murderers who start with animals.
I wouldn't be able to rest knowing my cat was vulnerable outside.
Why should they care as long as the cats has a good home, and they're overcrowded with cats.
The one you have now I know doesn't suit your purposes now but give her time to realise she'll never be hurt again.
I have 2 boys. Whisky an abandoned siamese! And blighty a black and white street cat. They're so close but completely different.

20160202_203018.jpg

• stewball
• Mar 3, 2016

 

[blackcatfan]

Ah yes I remember you showing them to me in the private messages. Such gorgeous boys! I have never really had a problem with cats free roaming in the countryside, but I have never understood how people could allow their cat in a city to roam. The amount of people with ill will towards cats who will see a cat and kick them or something like that, I would never let a cat roam in the city. I don't understand why shelters won't allow it 

 

[raina21]

blackcatfan

It seems very silly to me that shelters there don't allow indoor only homes for cats that were indoor/outdoor or feral/semi-feral? Cats can get themselves into all kinds of danger when allowed outside unsupervised. Plus they can be destructive to the environment with their hunting skills, The populations of many species of birds and small mammals are diminishing due to feral and indoor/outdoor cats killing them. Many cats also will kill their prey for "sport" and not eat what they hunt.

It seems silly that the will not adopt them out even if you are going to allow them to go for walks on a harness? Why would they rather have the cat be allowed out where it can get into danger than inside a safe, loving home? That's ridiculous.


About getting a kitten, I can safely attest to the fact that male cats (after they have been neutered and are no longer crazy hormonal with all that testosterone) are WAAAY more cuddly than females. A male kitten that has been well socialized will be VERY likely to become a very affectionate cat as an adult.

Personally, I would go for a kitten, since it is generally much easier to introduce adult cats to kittens than it is to introduce 2 adult cats. Although, introductions may be difficult anyway with your kitty's past, she may not have been properly socialized around other cats.

Other users have suggested crating, and, if you do decide to get another cat/kitten keeping them in either seperate rooms or keeping the new one on a large crate with everything he needs and allowing your cat to occasionally approach the crate under supervision would be ideal. The most important thing is for them to get used to each other/each other's scents. Your female (skittish though she may be) has likely already claimed your house as her territory and bringing ANY other cat into her territory is going to cause her stress. Be warned, there will be hissing and growling and she will NOT be happy at first. But there are ways to minimize her stress.

If you decide on crating the new arrival, one way you could get them used to each others scents is by putting a toy/blanket belonging to your cat inside the new cat's crate and putting a toy/blanket that belongs to the new cat near your old cat so she can sniff it. You could also cover the crate with blankets during feeding time and feed your old cat and new cat on opposite sides of the same wall of the crate. This can help them get used to each other's scents without the added stress of seeing the other cat.


Like I said, it is generally easier to introduce a kitten to an adult cat. The reason being that a kitten is less of a threat to an adult's territory than another adult would be. Also, Kittens generally are quick to learn who is the boss of the house (at least, that's how it's been in my experience, and this can cut down the stressful introduction time by quite a bit) and while they may "pester" adults, most of the time they will stop after a few hisses or bops on the head (without claws out) from the other cat. Adult cats are much more agressive/territorial than kittens and they will likely fight/growl/hiss/spat with each other quite a bit and it will take them A LOT longer to get used to each other than an adult cat would with a kitten.


I do suggest getting another cat though. I think it could help both you and your kitty exponentially. It could help your emotional state with cuddles and it could help your kitty become more social and learn how to interact with both people and other cats.


My oldest cat, Zazzie (age 3) used to be a lone house cat that wasn't well socialized. She was born with feline distemper (which the shelter didn't know about, they had their distemper vaccines before being adopted out but obviously they didn't help because the kittens already had it!), we adopted her at 10 weeks old and after we had her for only 1 week, she started displaying symptoms. We got her to the vet just in time to save her life. They said if we would have waited even half a day more to take her to the vet, she wouldn't have made it. She was the only kitten in her whole litter of 6 to survive it. But she had to stay at the vet for nearly 2 months for treatment and she was quarantined away from the other animals for obvious reasons, so she missed out on learning social skills as a kitten and later became a fairly shy adult). And then a year later, we got Kiwi as a kitten, Zazzie wasn't happy about it at first, but kiwi quickly learned that Zazzie was the boss and when to leave her alone. After we'd had kiwi for about 2 weeks, they were fully introduced and were playing and running around together. It was amazing to see Zazzie having a friend to play with. She seems more relaxed now that she has Kiwi to keep her company. Though neither kiwi or Zazzie are cuddlers, they will let you pet them for short periods of time.

We recently also got another kitten named Tesla (he was dumped on our busy street in December. He was just a tiny baby, about 8 weeks old, so we rescued him and took him in. Zazzie and Kiwi quickly got used to him as well and he learned that they are the bosses of the house haha). Best decision ever. I also have depression and anxiety and he has done wonders for my mental health. He is very cuddly and affectionate (though rambunctious at times but hey, he's a kitten) and he is also very smart! He plays fetch and literally as I am writing this he is sitting on my chest, purring and repetedly dropping a toy on me until I throw it to him so he can bring it back.

I'm not saying that this will definitely be your experience as well, just sharing mine

Also, I apologize for any spelling mistakes in this post, I am on my phone and sometimes my Autocorrect is dumb and I don't catch it when I do a re-read before posting.


Zazzie:

20151111_203122.jpg

• raina21
• Mar 3, 2016

Kiwi:

IMG_20150822_181336.jpg

• raina21
• Mar 3, 2016

Tesla:

20160301_151155.jpg

• raina21
• Mar 3, 2016

 

[blackcatfan]

Great news (possibly!)

We decided to broaden our horizons, and began searching shelters that were surrounding our city too, rather than just in the city. As I said we can't drive, but we figured we'd find a way. Well at a shelter only 30 minutes drive away... we were browsing their website and saw a gorgeous little face. A beautiful, black boy, almost 3 years old. We clicked his profile. Indoor only! We immediately got excited, but then remembered being indoor only is not enough, he has to be confident and cuddly too. Well, not only is he great with other cats, he is a VERY cuddly confident boy! We called the shelter, and they told us our girl needs to be up to date on vaccines before we can get him. So she's getting the first one she needs today, and the second in three weeks. HOWEVER! They have reserved this little boy for us, and if we pass the home check on Tuesday, we get to meet him! We are hopeful the meeting is going to go well, I'm very excited as you can imagine! 

He looks physically smaller than our girl which is great. We doubt she is socialised with other cats, so the least intimidating the better. Fingers crossed! 

 

[Columbine]

That's GREAT news It sounds like this boy is meant to be with you

:cross: that the home check goes well, and that you gel with this little boy