Needy Cat- any suggestions?

pisces7386 · Dec 5, 2014

I have a cat, a 16 month old fixed male, who is very 'emotionally dependent' on my husband and me. So much so that it is causing problems. He goes through phases and right now he is in one of the worst yet. Last night was the third night in a row that he woke us up ( no cats in the bedroom) by crying and scratching at the door between midnight and 3 am. He usually calms down once we go out of the room and he sees us, he will be fine until morning (5:30 to 6:30)... at which point he does it again. He follows us from room to room and is constantly under foot or rubbing on our legs. We cannot sit down without him trying to climb into our laps to sleep(mine in particular). This morning I broke down and literally carried him around while I did my chores one handed... he purred the whole time and nearly fell asleep because he was so happy. It may sound like a dream come true to have such a loving cat... but it is also very frustrating and we need to figure out a way to calm him down a bit... at least at night.

I was doing some reading about other needy cats on this site, but most of them seem to be 'only cats' or 'new cats'... our guy is neither.He has been ours since the day he was born; his mom gave birth on our patio and we ended up keeping her, him and one of the baby girls. They are all very well behaved and all love attention.. we think they may be part ragamuffin based on their behavior and size. They all get along and love to play with each other.

Some of the posts suggest boredom is the cause- they have many toys, a lovely tall cat tree in front of a window, and a bird feeder in another with a chair so they can watch it easily. We don't let them outside alone, but we do take them out on leashes in warmer weather. I don't think it is boredom.

Other posts suggest stress... I suspect this because his behavior is always worse after we are away or when we are gone for most of the day. We were gone for three days for Thanksgiving and have had several very busy days since we got back. We give him tons of love when we get home to try and make up for it, but he is almost desperate for us no matter what we do.

I am wondering if anyone has suggestions for getting him to calm his emotional dependency. We can't seem to think of anything other than staying home with him all day every day... which isn't going to happen... no matter how cute his little face is

Seriously though- any suggestions are appreciated!

di and bob · Dec 5, 2014

I'm sure many would want your 'problem', usually cats outgrow that 'needy' stage and become more independent. I would seriously consider a heated bed, mine sleep all night now and don't want to leave it. If it's anxiety based you might want to give the 'calming' treats a try, I get them on amazon for vet visits. I take it you have had him checked by a vet for physical problems, it does sound more like an emotional problem from your descriptions, especially where he is so happy and relaxed in your arms. He is still pretty young and might get better when he is around two, when most of them change. I hope you can find a solution, give him a kiss for me, good luck!

starbuk · Dec 5, 2014

I think you touched on the answer already. You have been away for more time and have been busy lately. If he is already dependent on you then he feels abandoned. I'm sure that is not the case but since it is less attention that is how it is being interpreted. I would try to spend more time with him and talk to him to let him know why you had to leave and that you missed him, etc. Something to convey that you understand he is upset. I know it sounds kind of silly but it does help, cats understand what we are trying to say although not exactly, obviously. More play time before bed and just ween him off of it until he gets back to normal. An alternative method is to further ignore. If you are opening the door after he wails then he will continue to wail because it works. I really think more attention for the time being will help. Please keep us posted.

catpack · Dec 5, 2014

We have several 3 yr olds that act the same exact way. Feliway diffusers have helped some. I've also looked into getting one of the cats (he's the worst) a thunder shirt to see if this helps, though I have yet to try it.