I think this is gonna be long, but I'll try to make it short as possible.
Problem with the X (husband that is).
Summarization:
2 kids, girls 15 and 12 (and 1/2). When they were younger I worked crazy hours that kept me on a pager and blackberry 24/7. Their dad was a teacher and thus home when they were. No daycare! So I made the difficult decision to let them live with him seeing them only on weekends and a few other days. I also paid the child support (in a nutshell - I guess I was the dad).
Well.....I now have a different job (as of last September). I"m home when they are home and they lived with me 4 days out of every week all last year and this year they are with me 10 out of every 14 days. They don't want to live with him anymore at all (but that's not why I'm here - I know it's their dad and they must visit). The problem now has become financial. I don't want to be shallow because my kids mean more to me than any amount of money, but I'm still paying their dad child support every week yet they are with me 75% of the time now. It's been very very straining on my finances and a few weeks I've had to downright tell him - I can't pay you.
Thing is the girls are getting smarter as they get older and they've asked their dad - why does mom pay you when we are at her house? What are you using the money for? He gets very angry at them and blames me. When they ask me - I tell them the history but then honestly say that now, I don't know why.
The thing with my X is he is very very money hungry and even though he loves his girls a lot - everything takes a back seat to money. He is here like clockwork every thursday (my payday) for his check. He has told my kids he will take me to court if I don't pay him anymore.
Both daughters want to live with me. Not their dad. He knows this and we've had "family meetings" on how to make things easier at their house. The thing that bothers me the most is he has told them he'll take me to court without realizing that 1) my older daughter will get to chose where to lives if we go to court (state law) 2) My younger daughter will grow to hate him for being forced to live at his house alone 3) his child payments he's getting will get cut by 50% because he'll only have one child.
As I said, the money is not the thing here. I'm worried though that it's going to take precidence over what his kids really really want. They had it out again today. They asked him again today why I was paying him and he again threatened and said he would take me to court and my younger one would be living with him.
There's so much more to this story, but I guess I"ve been torn myself as to what to do 1) keep my mouth shut and continue to pay him whenever I can hoping he doesnt take me to court for the weeks I can't pay 2) take him to court and "roll the dice" - where will the girls live? what will child support be? what will lawyers cost? 3) keep refusing to pay him when they are here and see if he takes me to court.
Bottom line is - he doesn't make a lot of money. I know this and I feel bad for him so I'd love to keep just paying him and helping him out. It really doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that I can't make ends meet sometimes now and he's not giving me a break.
And to be completely honest here - I guess I"m also afraid that all of this might backfire if I go to court and I might wind up having to pay him more. My income has gone up over the years and so has his, but we've never ammended the child support. Another reason why I am so scared. If it backfires (again it's not the money) it's the fact that I have so much trouble making ends meet now it would mean losing my house. That I know. And we are all so happy here.
I guess I'm just looking for opinions, ideas, anything. I keep toying with what to do. Weeks I can pay him I don't even think about it, but weeks I can't a struggle with what to do.
Thanks guys! I just figured I'm always here and you guys would be the best to ask.
Problem with the X (husband that is).
Summarization:
2 kids, girls 15 and 12 (and 1/2). When they were younger I worked crazy hours that kept me on a pager and blackberry 24/7. Their dad was a teacher and thus home when they were. No daycare! So I made the difficult decision to let them live with him seeing them only on weekends and a few other days. I also paid the child support (in a nutshell - I guess I was the dad).
Well.....I now have a different job (as of last September). I"m home when they are home and they lived with me 4 days out of every week all last year and this year they are with me 10 out of every 14 days. They don't want to live with him anymore at all (but that's not why I'm here - I know it's their dad and they must visit). The problem now has become financial. I don't want to be shallow because my kids mean more to me than any amount of money, but I'm still paying their dad child support every week yet they are with me 75% of the time now. It's been very very straining on my finances and a few weeks I've had to downright tell him - I can't pay you.
Thing is the girls are getting smarter as they get older and they've asked their dad - why does mom pay you when we are at her house? What are you using the money for? He gets very angry at them and blames me. When they ask me - I tell them the history but then honestly say that now, I don't know why.
The thing with my X is he is very very money hungry and even though he loves his girls a lot - everything takes a back seat to money. He is here like clockwork every thursday (my payday) for his check. He has told my kids he will take me to court if I don't pay him anymore.
Both daughters want to live with me. Not their dad. He knows this and we've had "family meetings" on how to make things easier at their house. The thing that bothers me the most is he has told them he'll take me to court without realizing that 1) my older daughter will get to chose where to lives if we go to court (state law) 2) My younger daughter will grow to hate him for being forced to live at his house alone 3) his child payments he's getting will get cut by 50% because he'll only have one child.
As I said, the money is not the thing here. I'm worried though that it's going to take precidence over what his kids really really want. They had it out again today. They asked him again today why I was paying him and he again threatened and said he would take me to court and my younger one would be living with him.
There's so much more to this story, but I guess I"ve been torn myself as to what to do 1) keep my mouth shut and continue to pay him whenever I can hoping he doesnt take me to court for the weeks I can't pay 2) take him to court and "roll the dice" - where will the girls live? what will child support be? what will lawyers cost? 3) keep refusing to pay him when they are here and see if he takes me to court.
Bottom line is - he doesn't make a lot of money. I know this and I feel bad for him so I'd love to keep just paying him and helping him out. It really doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that I can't make ends meet sometimes now and he's not giving me a break.
And to be completely honest here - I guess I"m also afraid that all of this might backfire if I go to court and I might wind up having to pay him more. My income has gone up over the years and so has his, but we've never ammended the child support. Another reason why I am so scared. If it backfires (again it's not the money) it's the fact that I have so much trouble making ends meet now it would mean losing my house. That I know. And we are all so happy here.
I guess I'm just looking for opinions, ideas, anything. I keep toying with what to do. Weeks I can pay him I don't even think about it, but weeks I can't a struggle with what to do.
Thanks guys! I just figured I'm always here and you guys would be the best to ask.