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Let me say this up front: I love(d) my in-laws, and have often said so. They've done a lot for me, and I for them.
Problem: they live 3 hours away. I hate to travel, and part of the problem with going there is that they live in the mountains, and I have a phobia about heights--really bad phobia. I dread going there because of this--not because I didn't want to see my in-laws (in fact, I recently mentioned this to my MIL; keep this in mind). DH goes to see them every month or so. I usually don't go, as his Mom always seems to be working, so he and his Dad plan to do guy stuff together, so I didn't feel too bad about not going then (and I thought this was understood by them.) And, DH often announces he's going to see them a couple of days before, and I've planned to do stuff I need to do around the house, so I don't go. I mean, it' 6 hours TRAVEL time alone, never mind the visit.
They just visited us a few weeks back, for our Christmas. Everything seemed really nice, we had a great time.
Well, DH wanted to visit over the holidays. Ok, we're to go tomorrow. I wasn't crazy about it; I've been on vacation, and just haven't done things I need to do, that I had planned. (This is the 1st time in 20 years I haven't taken my usual long Xmas vacation, and I just don't feel rested.) Also, MIL wants a family portrait taken, and I HATE getting my pic taken; and, my skin this week has broken out in huge, red bumps. This morning, I woke up with swollen glands, and feeling as if I'm coming down with something, and have been getting light-headed all day. I mentioned this to DH , and told him, if I felt reallt sick in the morning, I'd rather not go; he could go without me, if he wanted to, and we'd go some other time soon. Wrong thing to say; we've had a HUGE fight the past 3 hours. Apparently, MIL is very angry at me, as they "have to come down here all the time"--not true, it just happened that way this year. She told him, "If she doesn't come up this time, I want nothing ever to do with her again.". Ok, I can understand they want to see me, and can see how perhaps they MAYBE think I don't like them--well, not really, as I've done so many little things for them, and show my pleasure in their company when I do see them, etc., and have always said they were the family I never had. But, I think her comment was rotten. I don't think just because you're disappointed in someone, whom you claim you like so much, that you can just pull the rug out from under them. I must admit, her comment angers me a LOT, and makes me think a lot differently about my in-laws. Also, after my fight with DH (who seems to think everyone goes out of their way to please me, but I don't do anything for them), I wondered why I married this mama's boy. I always loved that his parents were so important to him, but he's married now. Who should come first? I really think they are more important to him, than me--and, if the chips were down, he'd side with them. Honestly, I don't think he even realizes this, nor didn't when he married me. But, I have to face it, I guess. Am I wrong to ask that, if his Mom says she may move in with us (she had a good job offer near here, and thought she could live here during the week, and commmute home on the days off), that my opinion should be solicited first (I would've said "Yes" anyway, but still...)?
Thanks for letting me vent!
Problem: they live 3 hours away. I hate to travel, and part of the problem with going there is that they live in the mountains, and I have a phobia about heights--really bad phobia. I dread going there because of this--not because I didn't want to see my in-laws (in fact, I recently mentioned this to my MIL; keep this in mind). DH goes to see them every month or so. I usually don't go, as his Mom always seems to be working, so he and his Dad plan to do guy stuff together, so I didn't feel too bad about not going then (and I thought this was understood by them.) And, DH often announces he's going to see them a couple of days before, and I've planned to do stuff I need to do around the house, so I don't go. I mean, it' 6 hours TRAVEL time alone, never mind the visit.
They just visited us a few weeks back, for our Christmas. Everything seemed really nice, we had a great time.
Well, DH wanted to visit over the holidays. Ok, we're to go tomorrow. I wasn't crazy about it; I've been on vacation, and just haven't done things I need to do, that I had planned. (This is the 1st time in 20 years I haven't taken my usual long Xmas vacation, and I just don't feel rested.) Also, MIL wants a family portrait taken, and I HATE getting my pic taken; and, my skin this week has broken out in huge, red bumps. This morning, I woke up with swollen glands, and feeling as if I'm coming down with something, and have been getting light-headed all day. I mentioned this to DH , and told him, if I felt reallt sick in the morning, I'd rather not go; he could go without me, if he wanted to, and we'd go some other time soon. Wrong thing to say; we've had a HUGE fight the past 3 hours. Apparently, MIL is very angry at me, as they "have to come down here all the time"--not true, it just happened that way this year. She told him, "If she doesn't come up this time, I want nothing ever to do with her again.". Ok, I can understand they want to see me, and can see how perhaps they MAYBE think I don't like them--well, not really, as I've done so many little things for them, and show my pleasure in their company when I do see them, etc., and have always said they were the family I never had. But, I think her comment was rotten. I don't think just because you're disappointed in someone, whom you claim you like so much, that you can just pull the rug out from under them. I must admit, her comment angers me a LOT, and makes me think a lot differently about my in-laws. Also, after my fight with DH (who seems to think everyone goes out of their way to please me, but I don't do anything for them), I wondered why I married this mama's boy. I always loved that his parents were so important to him, but he's married now. Who should come first? I really think they are more important to him, than me--and, if the chips were down, he'd side with them. Honestly, I don't think he even realizes this, nor didn't when he married me. But, I have to face it, I guess. Am I wrong to ask that, if his Mom says she may move in with us (she had a good job offer near here, and thought she could live here during the week, and commmute home on the days off), that my opinion should be solicited first (I would've said "Yes" anyway, but still...)?
Thanks for letting me vent!