Need some advice about a skittish cat

[landsharks]

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• landsharks
• Jun 23, 2015

This is Sophie. She's an adorable, playful little kitten who can be one of the sweetest cats you will ever in your life meet. When she wants to be.

But 99% of the time, she is a skittish little ball of fur and claws. She won't have anything to do with even being touched, let alone being held and cuddled. My family and I try to give her love and she gives us scratches.

Before I get to the point of this post, let me give you her background and some info on her current home so that you might understand her (and my frustration) a bit better.

She was born in mid-August of last year, so she's about 10 months old. She was born outside to a mother who wanted nothing to do with kittens. Her momma (who we literally just call 'momma') has a very dominant personality. She doesn't take crap from anyone else. She appeared around our house in the winter of 2013 with two kittens in tow, and, against the advisement of my mother, I began to feed her. She became attached to us (or, more accurately, the free food), so about the time that she had another litter of kittens, she came to us. And when the kittens were able to eat solid food, they came too.

We believe that the first month or so of her life was spent with a brother or sister, but we only saw brief glimpses of a second white and orange one, so we have no clue when it might have split from its mother and sister. But the point is, it did, and Sophie was left alone with her mother.

Momma seemed to take good enough care of her. Occasionally played with her (albeit a little too rough), led her to food, and kept her warm by sleeping against her on chilly nights. But momma is really not that great of a mother, and eventually, at what I'd estimate was about 2 months old, Sophie was left to fend for herself.

She was smart enough, and she stuck around our house, ate the easy food. But she wasn't the only cat, and after about a week or so, momma and her older sister (the only one of the first litter to stick around) began to attack her if she was too close to the food when they came around, and she became so skittish that she'd shoot off the deck in our backyard at the rustling caused by a gust of wind. About that time, shewas 3 months old, and she had grown on us. She recognized the hands that fed her, and she'd let us reach out and pet her, and she'd purr up a storm. And so my entire family fell in love with her, and I convinced my mom to let her join our family inside.

She was great at first. She loved being let inside, and we loved bringing her inside even though she brought worms with her. And shared them with our 3 other cats, Sam, Chloe, and Milo. We kept her in a dog cage for the most part for the first month or so until we were finally able to get rid of the worms in all of our cats (because she shared almost immediately). And then she was set free, and her rein of terror began.

She's sweet enough towards our other cats. She and Milo (whose only two-ish months older than her) are best friends. She leaves Sam (the elderly cat) and Chloe (self-pronounced queen bee) alone, and for the most part, they leave her alone, too. She also gets visits (through glass) from her mother and two other kittens that were the result of not getting Sophie's older sister fixed sooner. She has more toys than most children, and an entire house to roam around.

And yet, over half a year after being let into our home, she still doesn't trust us. She has her moments where we can pick her up and she doesn't squirm too much, and maybe once a day she'll let one of us pet her. But she doesn't seem to be getting even the tiniest bit better. No matter what approach we take, she barely tolerates me and my brother, and she hates my mom (the one who cuts her nails). If she isn't in the right mood to be touched and we pick her up anyway, she just claws any skin that she can reach. And more often than not, she claws hard enough to leave scars.

So, to summarize all of this, my entire family is starting to get really sick of this. My mom is ready to throw her back out the door, and my brother doesn't care any more. I'm the only reason that she hasn't been thrown out already. I stand in the way and stubbornly say that I'll just let her right back in the door. But my objections can only do so much. If she keeps pushing it, there's not much I'll be able to do to keep her inside. So has anyone out there in the world got any advice that might help?

Thank you to everyone who bore with me through that babbling mess and has advice to give!

P.S. We're going to be getting her fixed soon. Think that will help even a little bit?

 

[southbound]

She looks a lot like one of my girls. Some cats just don't like to be touched or picked up too much. She might get a little more affectionate as she grows up maybe not. Give her a bit more time.

 

[2bcat]

More patience, more time.  Cats are very different in their reactions and tossing her back outside isn't going to solve anything anyway.  A cat doesn't understand that to a human it seems ungrateful.

Many many cats (most?) do not like to be picked up, even if they've lived inside all their lives!  I had a cat who lived with me all of her 17 years.  As she got older (much older) she tolerated it more because she knew she couldn't get away, but she never in fact enjoyed it and mostly would struggle against being picked up.  The two we have now, home a year and a half, have lived in homes or a shelter since kittenhood (now 6 years old almost) and they also don't like being picked up.  They'll trust us in many other ways, for pets and crawling into laps and such.  And oddly, the one who is still more skittish will tolerate being picked up for a few seconds, whereas the more outgoing one squirms immediately upon being lifted.  

In terms of other contact, I suggest slowing down and letting her approach you more at her own pace.  Take the long view.  Again I think of our current pair, now a year and a half with us.  The more skittish of the two still hides more often than not when we get home.  She is easily startled by so many everyday things.  And that's a year and a half.  Before that they lived several months in a shelter, but they have lived in a home before.

She may not ever turn into the most cuddly cat you've ever seen, but I think more time will be the main answer.  Turning her out the door is not an answer that makes any sense.  

And yes, having her spayed may help quite a bit!

 

[Columbine]

What you have is a friendly semi-feral! She didn't learn about certain aspects of human contact as a kitten (though, because you put food out, she learned that humans were basically a good thing, rather than something to be feared).

You now have the task of slowly taming her further, and teaching her to accept human contact. She may never be the biggest cuddler in the world, but she can learn to accept touch. Spaying will make a big difference, in that it will make her calmer. You might want to look at having softpaws claw covers fitted whilst she's still under anesthetic, and do be sure to warn your vet that she's not 100% tame.

Taming takes lots of time, tons of patience and requires her to take the lead. If you force the issue she'll just go backwards. Let her come to you, and let her initiate each stroke by rubbing herself against your hands. Stick to her head and cheeks for now...maybe moving down her sides if she seems happy. Think about how cats rub up against you - its a headbutt/cheek rub followed by the side of the body...not the top of the back. Stick to those areas for now.

shadowsrescue @Norachan - you have more experience here than I do. Any other ideas?

 

[shadowsrescue]

I don't have too much else to add other than get her spayed ASAP and please please please do not let her go outside if she is not spayed.  She will end up pregnant in a heart beat.  Spaying will definitely help to calm her down.  Yet she is not socialized properly to humans and always be skittish.  I would suggest not picking her up at all.  Allow her that freedom right now.  Instead focus on what you can do with her.  Make positive associations that can be built upon.  Do you play with her?  I would suggest a wand toy such as the da bird toy or a laser pointer.  Really get her moving and allow her to develop some self esteem.  When the play time is over, reward her with a special treat or small meal.  This allows her to catch her prey, play with the prey and then enjoy a snack that may mimic eating the prey.  You want the snack to be something special reserved for play time.  You can use plain cooked chicken, a tiny bit of canned tuna or salmon or special canned food.  You don't have to give much, just a bit. 

Always sit on the floor with her so not too loom over her.  See if you can get her to approach you by making a fist and allowing her to sniff it.  Cats head butt each other when they are friendly with each other.  When you make a fist it appears to look like a cats head.  If she won't approach just sit on the floor and play with her.  Do not grab her or force her.  That will back fire. 

When your mom trims her nails, try to make it more enjoyable, but offering treats or a reward after the nail trimming.

I hope that you can get her spayed (as well as any of the other cats that are outside too) very very soon.  Please keep her inside until that point.