Need Help To Find Back Balance Between Kitty Time And Human Time. Without Making Kitty Unhappy

[typhons]

Hi
I am so sorry to be bothering you. But I need help. I have a year old cat that I love a lot. However lately I have felt like she takes almost all the space in my life and i need this to decrease. I got her when she was a kitten a d as she was an only kitten I played a lot with her. I wanted her to keep feeling engaged and happy. So I played like 3 to 4 h each day. Now she is 1 year old and used to me spending a lot of time with her daily. The problem is that I am getting really sick of it. I love her but also need time for myself and when I am at home it's nearly impossible. She will complain and i would feel guilty and go play with her. She hardly plays alone anymore. I know this my fault, as I got her used to be constantly stimulated and that begging works. But I want things to change. I would like to be able to play 30 min morning and 1 hour evening maximum but not more. So here are my questions:
1. Is it reasonable?
2. How slow should I make the transition?
3. I already have food puzzles, put videos of birds and have automatic toys and a few birds coming to visit. Any other ideas ?
4. The last thing I want is her unhappy. Will she still be happy?
5 we bonded quite a lot. I don't wAbt this to change. Will it change ?
Thanks so much

 

[Columbine]

Yes, it is absolutely reasonable to want to give her shorter play sessions. I'm not aware of anyone here who gives their cats 3 or 4 hours of playtime a day! To make this change, you're going to have to be pretty hard hearted for a while when it comes to her begging. She begs because it works, and the begging won't stop so long as you're giving in to her Maybe try and set up a routine, so she knows that certain times of day are playtime. If she knows what to expect, she should settle faster.
How To Set Healthy Boundaries For Your Cat

There are loads of other ways to give her stimulation without your being directly involved - Beating Boredom - What Indoor Cat Owners Need To Know

It sounds like you're doing all the right things, and she's a very lucky girl to have such a wonderful home Setting some boundaries shouldn't affect your bond with her at all (though she'll likely complain a bit at first). Do what you need to do to give yourself some time back.

 

[jcat]

That's pretty typical for a young cat, but she'll demand less playtime as she gets older. It might take a few months, but she'll get lazier.

 

[typhons]

Thank you both for you answers.
She definitely got lazier but I am sometimes afraid that it is because I don't play correctly.
I know I am over worrying. I am just afraid of her feeling bored or neglected.
I will buy a cat bed and once I move will invest in cat shelves ect...

Just 2 questions:
1. How slow would you make the transition?
2. Would you do Multiple short sessions or 1 long?

 

[Kefa]

I know this story. I just lived it with Homer. The best thing I did in all the things I tried was fix him up a bird/squirrel perch in the room I spend Most of My time in, the computer/TV room. I had been feeding the birds and squirrels on the porch, but that wasn't in MY room. I also had a bird feeder in the big tree out back, but again, that wasn't in the room I spend all my time in. So he would watch those but get bored and come to see what I was doing. There is a big bush outside my computer room window, and I finally got the idea to set up food THERE for squirrels and birds, but mostly squirrels. I rearranged the furniture so he has a three teired Dresser/shelf/table near the window. I put his bed on the dresser, his water on the table, and he will sit for hours on the shelf watching the birds and squirrels while I work on the computer or watch TV. He still runs from room to room to check all the outside activity, but he spends most of his time at the window in the room I am in.

tl;dr The cat will be happier if she has something to do in the same room you are in.

 

[Columbine]

Thank you both for you answers.
She definitely got lazier but I am sometimes afraid that it is because I don't play correctly.
I know I am over worrying. I am just afraid of her feeling bored or neglected.
I will buy a cat bed and once I move will invest in cat shelves ect...

Just 2 questions:
1. How slow would you make the transition?
2. Would you do Multiple short sessions or 1 long?

I'd do it fairly quickly, to be honest. The soon she learns the new routine, the better. I'd be inclined to give her long play sessions rather than short ones, so she has her energy totally drained by the end.

 

[typhons]

Hi,
I am sorry to reach back to you. I just want to give updates and ask a few questions.
So I have been cutting down play time and trying to ignore her pleas but it is hard. My life is chaotic right now and I have not been able to instore a routine right now, so maybe it is my fault. I still spend a lot of time with her but less than before: for example 1 hour in the garden in the morning, 1h20 of play in the evening and a lot of petting, picking up, talking sweet ect... But she is still constantly meowing for my attention and it is getting very hard for me to focus. She has food puzzles, windows, perches, and automatic toys but still begging to be doing something with me like a lost soul And I can't help than to feel guilty.
Do you have any suggestions of something else I can give her to do? How long before she adjusts? Is she unhappy? Should I just ignore her meowing?

 

[Columbine]

Never apologise for asking more questions. It's what we're here for

It sounds to me like you just have a very vocal little girl. You give her a ton of attention, and very clearly love and care about her, so you have no reason at all to feel guilty or bad about her I have times when I'm very busy and can't give my guys so much attention, and my girl gets very lost-soul-ish when that happens. If I'm working in one area, I set up beds nearby for her, so she has her own space to keep me company, but without interfering with my work (I make beaded jewellery, something that does NOT lend itself to kitty 'help' ). For example, I work on a table in front of a window, with a filing cabinet behind me and off to the side. I put a cardboard scratcher on the windowsill (my guys are all obsessed with cardboard scratchers as beds, as well as for scratching), and put a favourite cat bed on top of the filing cabinet. Depending on what I'm doing, I may make space for her to have a lap snuggle whilst I'm working, too.

I'll also talk to her - not in a sweet-talking, cat focused sense, but things like 'I'm busy right now', 'I'll snuggle properly with you later, but you can settle with me for now', or even 'Where did I put _____?'. Vocalising my thought process helps me focus sometimes, and makes her feel like she's being paid attention to as well.

Not sure how much of that applies to you situation, but it's what works for me Lastly, you are a wonderful mom to your girl, and I'm sure she's not the least bit unhappy. Stop beating yourself up - your girl is so lucky to have you

 

[typhons]

Thank you all for your answers. I am sorry to bother you one more time. It's just that we are now one month in and I have gradually significantly reduced my playtime and I am now at around I would say 1h at night and a bit in the morning but little. I have noticed that the intensivity of our play sessions has gotten up which is great as she can expel as much energy in less time. And I have gained back a personal life hoooray. However I have been feeling that the strength of our bond has a bit declined: she is less cuddly, less wanting to be 100% of the time with me, less always asking for my attention and less welcoming when I go close to her. She has been a bit aloof and everytime I come to pet her, or cuddle with her when she would previously welcome it she now shifts away. And that makes me a bit sad I was wondering if you had any tips on how to find our bond back and how to show her that I still love her? Is it going to go back to the same as before once she gets that I will not decrease again my play time? Is she depressed? I am also dating again and I was wondering if it can because she is jealous of him. I am sorry to keep on asking you questions

 

[julianjulianjulian]

One way I increased my bond with my cat was slow-blinking at him a lot when we cuddled, to mimic one of the ways they show that they trust you. And if he slow blinks at me I make sure to return the gesture. Just one idea, I'm sure others will have some great suggestions.

 

[Columbine]

I really wouldn't worry too much. I don't think you've lost your bond at all - she's just going through a phase. All my guys go through phases of being total velcro cats and pbased of being more self sufficient and wanting more space. It's just how cats are. It doesn't mean she loves you any less

 

[Anne]

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