Need help from creative writers (funny and witty)

[Jem]

For my husband's birthday, I've decided to make him a "card" using (mostly) junk food to replace the words.
Here is an example

I have a few ideas, but need help putting it all together.
I have several different candies and other things of which some will be to make fun of him and others for compliments and positive stuff.
To make fun of him I have a snickers, nerds, crunchie, milk duds...Although I could use the milk dud's as a positive to tell him I don't think "he's a dud".
For compliments, I have excel (gum), hot rods, smarties...
And for other positive stuff like wishing him well, I have score and bounty...which I plan to use in conjunction with some lotto tickets (lotto max ticket, Cash for life (scratch), Plinko (scratch), Run the Table (scratch about billiards).
I also got a package of gummies that are called "happy hour"...they are flavored as different cocktails.
A magazine about stargazing titled "Explore the Night Sky" as well as Rocket candy and a Mars bar....to use in conjunction about going to mars...we watch a lot of space shows.
I still have a small window to pick up other candy if need be but wanted to try and get some ideas and at least get things started...

What I have so far...stealing a few ideas from the picture...

Getting older is nothing to snickers about.
You may even notice your joints are getting all crunchie
But don't worry, you're not a milk duds
In fact, I still think you're quite the hot rods

You might be a nerds but you're also smarties and excel at so many things...like when you run the table on pool night

Take part in Happy Hour on your Birthday
Or perhaps relax and Explore the Night Sky
And who knows, if you Score a big Bounty with Lotto Max, you may just get to take a Rocket to Mars for real!

This is just a quick thing I wrote up but it's choppy and I definitely need help with the transitions...so please do not hesitate to correct/change/add anything.

Not sure what to do with the cash for life and plinko scratch tickets....I may just hide them behind the pool one...
And I think I might get some tictacs and add the bit about popping pills....I find that section needs an "ending"

Thanks!!!

 

[Margret]

I suggest not hiding the Lotto tickets (unless they're old losers); you don't want them to be overlooked. But that's just a practical suggestion. When it comes to something witty I'm unlikely to be much help.

Margret

 

[nurseangel]

I laughed reading the board. I think it is really cute! An ending could be something along the lines of, "Be married to you is better than having Cash for Life (ticket)." What a brilliant idea you have for his birthday!

 

[strider rose]

Jem wow thats really cool