oi oi oi -
Look if she was into him, living in the same apartment, knowing that he is also into her.... I am sorry, but the only game she was going to be playing was the 4 letter game -LOVE babe! Nothing would be stopping her.
-
Too many ads? Join our community of cat lovers now to reduce ads by 90%! Click here to join for free!
Need advice on women (a confused man!)
- Thread starter ancientsanskrit
- Start Date
Look if she was into him, living in the same apartment, knowing that he is also into her.... I am sorry, but the only game she was going to be playing was the 4 letter game -LOVE babe! Nothing would be stopping her.
Honestly, I wish I had some advice to give you, but as a man (I know my username suggests otherwise) I fully don't understand woman, to the point where I no longer trust any of them. I can go on as to why, but do not want to hijack your thread. I can tell you almost anything about a cat, as to why they are doing this or that, but a woman....forget it
Sorry ladies, but the last 6 months has been horrible for me and yes, woman related. I'm almost to the point of saying, never again. I will live the rest of my life as that crazy cat guy
I don't know if she's doing it intentionally, but she's definitely messing with your head. At the very least, it sounds to me like she doesn't know what she wants. It is definitely possible for a woman (or a man) to be jealous of someone's relationships even when they don't want to be with that person - a woman (or a man!) can definitely want to be wanted by someone they don't want (thus being jealous of you seeing other women, but not wanting to be in a relationship with you).
You have to decide whether or not you're willing to wait for her to figure it out. But her backing off when you told her how you felt is a red flag to me.
If she didn't know what she wanted, that was a time she should have sat down and figured it out.
You have to decide whether or not you're willing to wait for her to figure it out. But her backing off when you told her how you felt is a red flag to me.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #24
Sorry to resurrect this thread, but I've been swamped and haven't had time to reply. I also realize nobody wants to read about my life, so I'll just conclude it real quick. I appreciate everyone's opinions/suggestions.
It's been kind of an interesting week since I've been so busy. I haven't intentionally neglected her, but I barely talked with her this week. I noticed her being quite upset as towards the end of the week and just casually asked her if she was okay. She started spewing out all these things, almost like she's been bottling it up.
We were really close and talked about everything and I feel bad that perhaps she lost the ability to vent or talk to me. Chalk this one up as experience, though. I'm going to be moving on with my life. I'll still be there for her, but other than that, I don't have the time to deal with this kind of erratic behavior.
It's been kind of an interesting week since I've been so busy. I haven't intentionally neglected her, but I barely talked with her this week. I noticed her being quite upset as towards the end of the week and just casually asked her if she was okay. She started spewing out all these things, almost like she's been bottling it up.
We were really close and talked about everything and I feel bad that perhaps she lost the ability to vent or talk to me. Chalk this one up as experience, though. I'm going to be moving on with my life. I'll still be there for her, but other than that, I don't have the time to deal with this kind of erratic behavior.
Personally, I think that is the best choice as from other posts, it does seem to me that this girl is playing games and acting rather childishly.
Good luck.
I think it is the best advice you have given yourself in this situation. You should never give anything expecting something in return. Otherwise it's not a gift, it's a loan and you need to have it written on paper!
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2008
- Messages
- 9,837
- Purraise
- 197
Well now, that's where you're wrong (your words in bold) because I think many of us here are very interested in what happens!
thanks for keeping us updated.
Originally Posted by otto
Well now, that's where you're wrong (your words in bold) because I think many of us here are very interested in what happens!
thanks for keeping us updated.
If it was meant to be it will happen. My DH looked me up after 12 years... we were married inside of 3 months. (We dated for almost 2 years in high school then went our separate ways). I had to grow up.
i'll make this short and sweet - if the girl is not into you, then you need to move on.Originally Posted by ancientsanskrit
Hi ladies, consider this a mild rant, vent and plea for advice!
Background info: I'm a 26 years old typical urban (metro!!) guy from the North. The girl in question is a 28 yrs old southern belle. An important fact is that she ended a 1 year relationship with a guy back in January '08. So the girl in question is in my Master's program. Previously, we weren't really good friends, just acquaintances. I asked her to dinner one night, and we just hit it off. We spent almost 4 hours talking. At the time she was looking for a place to live and I was looking for roommate to split my rent. At the time I indicated that I was dating, but not looking for a relationship per se.
Anyways, she moved in, and we hit it off. We became almost inseparable for two months and did everything together. We could talk almost endlessly; she loves my intellect and she stimulates me, too. I've learned through my years of relationships that as I mature, I want to build a foundation/friendship before pursuing a relationship.
We became flirty. She would almost egg me on to hit on her, yet be defensive at the same time; sort of throwing up mixed reactions. Well, apparently this worked on me and I started developing feelings towards her. I never intended to, but it just sort of happened. I'm not infatuated with this girl, but I do care for her.
Come October, I opened up to her and told her I had feelings for her. Now typically, I would either wait for a girl to open up to me, or somehow sneak a kiss or something alike, but I felt as this girl was more mature, she would rather have a guy open up to her.
It all blew up in my face. I think opening up to her scared her away. In a very brief conversation with her regarding my feelings for her, she mentioned that she does not feel the same way. Now normally, this would cue me, "okay this girl doesn't dig me, time to move on". However, moving on has been hard on me based on the mixed reactions she still gives me. Case in point, when I head out at night, she will constantly ask me where I'm going/what I'm up to. She is consistently listening in on my phone conversations, and will even ask "who I was talking to."
We now do nothing together, except for some odd cases. One night we went to a bar together for a mutual friend's bday. A girl started hitting on me, and I just casually talked with her. The roommate started asking me what I was saying, and I poked her legs and taunted that it was none of her business. It ends up girl hitting on me knew the roommate, and the roommate went over and had a conversation with said girl. Said girl walks away, and I ask what's going on with roommate and receive a "I don't play games." Well, the next day, roommate hounds on me to go to lunch with her. This after asking her to do something for the longest time since we stopped hanging out. It almost seems she is playing like she's a hard to get commodity, or sees other women hitting on me and becomes interested....it really does spin my head trying to figure what the heck is going on here.
The red flag. Recently, she started hanging out with her ex-boyfriend of two relationships past. These two have had a long relationship (I believe they've known each other for 10+ years). Oftentimes, when we talked, she would indicate how he was immature and not a good guy. Yet, she is hanging out with this guy quite a lot. The major red flag is what I may be perceiving as not coming home at night. I'm not going to speculate anything, but these are major red flags to me. Yet, consistently she will almost make it known to me that her intentions are to hang out with him when she is going out. I never ask her where she is going, but she'll make it known to me.
I've never had such a hard time with a girl before. Usually, most women are somewhat open with me to their feelings. I'm starting to let go, and move on. This rant is really due to an incidence tonight. I met a really interesting girl at Barnes and Nobles, and we decided to go for coffee and talk this evening. When heading out, I got "the inquisitive eye" from her. I kept noticing her glancing at me while trying to look occupied watching TV.
Sorry for the longest post I've ever made. I do enjoy this girl's company, but the fact that she is either playing hard to get, perhaps playing games is really turning me off to her. If she would be open and just tell me flat out she didn't care for me, I would be able to bare it and move on. My female friends tell me to give her time, as I have only known her for a good 4 months (as acquaintances for about a year), yet something tells me this girl just doesn't know what she wants. She definitely has some insecurity issues, and not to sound haughty or anything, I am the first true gentleman she has had in her life. It's really confusing, and the complexity of it is compounded by the fact that we live together. My male friends tell me to move out and move on!!! On one side, I think they are partially right, but the "nice guy" in me wouldn't allow me to do that in fear of being a real jerk, since she just moved in a few months ago. It does drive me nuts having feelings for this girl and having her act upon her ex. I try not to let it show, and have been pursuing other avenues to see what's out there. Given that I see this girl everyday, it makes it just that much more difficult, though. I definitely don't respect her toying with me should she truly have feelings and is playing some sort of agenda.
Anyways, sorry for a very long rant. If you have opinions, not including "this post is too long," I'd like to hear 'em. I know love is blind, and it seems I'm quite myopic right now and want to hear what others have to say.
i am an older man, have been through this a million times.
my wife (my soul mate) waited on me to grow up, i thank the Good Lord for that every day.
i did finally grow up and we have been married for 25 years now, she is the best thing that ever happened to me.
long story - short - when the right one comes along, you will know it - she won't get scared if you tell her you love her, she will love you more for it.
forget the southern belle, and just get on with your life - the right one is out there - you will find her.
just keep the faith.
Sounds like she doesn't really want you as a bf but also doesn't want to let go and let you date. IMO its time to split and she find her own place to live. That is what is causing most of the problems. You guys are living together but are not bf/gf and she thinks she's allowed to control you in who you talk to, who you date, etc.
Time to sit down and have a clear understanding where you both stand on issues. If she has no desire to make a permanent relationship with you, then she should not be living with you. She claims not to play games, but that is EXACTLY what she is doing.
BTW I would NEVER move in with a guy unless there was an engagement date and a date for marriage. Hubby and I met online and dated for 18 months long distance. I moved to his house and 2 months later we were married - we were engaged with a set date. Personally I don't believe in "playing house" and not having a serious relationship.
Time to sit down and have a clear understanding where you both stand on issues. If she has no desire to make a permanent relationship with you, then she should not be living with you. She claims not to play games, but that is EXACTLY what she is doing.
BTW I would NEVER move in with a guy unless there was an engagement date and a date for marriage. Hubby and I met online and dated for 18 months long distance. I moved to his house and 2 months later we were married - we were engaged with a set date. Personally I don't believe in "playing house" and not having a serious relationship.
