Hello, I'm a newbie and in need of help. I am experienced with cats, but this situation has me grasping at straws. I need serious advice!
This may be long-winded, but to help you understand the personality I'm dealing with I have to give you some backstory. I have an 11 year old neutered male who is my baby. He was a tiny kitten that came to my house from the neighbor's barn years ago with a botfly larva in his neck. I doctored him and got him healthy, yet let him stay outside as he was not my cat (neighbors very neglectful of their animals, even their livestock they raised to sell, very sad). I earned his trust and loyalty, and he continued to visit me off and on for over a year, when he came up hurt very badly from a fight. Again I took him to the vet, got him healed, and got him neutered in the process. He went back to live in the barn. Flash forward 5 years--I divorced, moved, and I took him with me. He lived outside very peaceful in a rural setting until he went missing for 3 days about 3 years ago. He has been an inside, retired mouser ever since. I love him dearly, and he trusts me and my new husband with all his heart. Please note this: He has cohabitated with two other neutered males over his lifespan with no problem. I had a roommate for a while who brought her cat, then my son had a cat for a short period of time in the house, but he took him with him to college. He NEVER had a problem with them. A bit cautious, but not aggressive towards them. But, he was much younger then.
We had a feral male kitten that appeared and kept hiding in our shed and in our garage a couple of years ago. Well, being the sucker that I am, I fed him and gained his trust. He became a regular, and we considered him our outdoor kitty. Big snuggler who loves to be hugged and loved. Two weeks ago he came up bloody, with a front leg the size of my forearm (abscess from bite). Well, here I go again--took him to vet, got him neutered since he is now 2 years old and there are roaming females in our neighborhood, with full intention of keeping him inside to heal for a week then letting him out to resume his life. No problem. Will bring him home and keep him in the back bedroom until he heals. Well, you know how the best laid plans go. Hubby loves him dearly, and said "Let's just keep him inside!" using the excuse that we spent so much money on him, and if he lives outside again he will get run over, etc. etc. Well, ok. We will try.
My existing cat disagrees. I started off months ago letting the younger inside to feed him, and they saw each other with 2 baby gates between them. Inside cat is well aware of outside cat, they are very familiar with each other, but never had been face to face. They ate dinner nightly inches apart with the gates between them. Inside cat would always yowl and swat through the gate after he finished eating. This has happened daily over the past 3 months at least. The outside cat, although a much larger cat, is very submissive and a true "scaredy-cat", in every sense of the word. He would sit there and take it when he bopped him. Never growled, nothing aggressive in return. I picked him up Saturday from the vet after being doctored, tested, vaccinated, and neutered. They said all was and went well. Saturday night we put the baby gates up in the hall. Inside cat at one end of house, outside cat had the other end. Inside cat had access to sleep on the bed with us as it is his usual routine. Inside cat woke us at 3am, somehow got to the other side of the gates, and was standing over the "intruder" yowling at him, but no fur flying, no swatting. I immediately grabbed him by the scruff and put him on the other side of the gates and resituated the top one. He immediately scaled the gates like Spider-Man! It was a sight to behold how he scaled those gates! Long story a little shorter, he had to be locked in our bedroom. Sunday I tried again. All was well ALL DAY! They didn't get chummy or anything, they ate in the same room, and there was only one time inside cat yowled and postured at outside cat--I squirted him with water and it stopped. They stayed loose together all day under my close supervision, of course. Sunday night we separated them.
Well, night before last we had a knock down drag out altercation. No one hurt, no fur pulled out, but loud and very active--they went through 3 rooms with inside cat literally stalking and chasing him down. They rolled once. Outside cat got cornered in our fireplace behind the fake logs in there and peed (ewww, still working on that odor). Since then we are alternating them--one in solitary in a bedroom, the other full run of the house. One goes in, the other comes out. I bought a Feliway multicat diffuser. I bought a Sentry calming collar, but it snapped in two when I pulled it out of the package. Inside cat is still absolutely murderous when we let him out of the bedroom to have the house to roam when it is his turn. He will sit in front of the bedroom door and stare at it. Every so often he will yowl at the door. He peed on the mat in front of his litter box, and outside cat has never used it, I guess that was left as a warning to him (thank goodness his pee doesn't smell at all). I do understand that I have to do this much slower. I guess I got encouraged by the good Sunday interactions. I am just concerned that my cat is just an ass, and will never accept the big snuggle baby that I have grown very attached to. Am I just expecting too much too soon? Does anyone have any other tricks/tips? I am just so depressed and stressed out myself over this, and I'm normally very calm about animals--even fighting animals! Thanks in advance-- and thanks for reading!
This may be long-winded, but to help you understand the personality I'm dealing with I have to give you some backstory. I have an 11 year old neutered male who is my baby. He was a tiny kitten that came to my house from the neighbor's barn years ago with a botfly larva in his neck. I doctored him and got him healthy, yet let him stay outside as he was not my cat (neighbors very neglectful of their animals, even their livestock they raised to sell, very sad). I earned his trust and loyalty, and he continued to visit me off and on for over a year, when he came up hurt very badly from a fight. Again I took him to the vet, got him healed, and got him neutered in the process. He went back to live in the barn. Flash forward 5 years--I divorced, moved, and I took him with me. He lived outside very peaceful in a rural setting until he went missing for 3 days about 3 years ago. He has been an inside, retired mouser ever since. I love him dearly, and he trusts me and my new husband with all his heart. Please note this: He has cohabitated with two other neutered males over his lifespan with no problem. I had a roommate for a while who brought her cat, then my son had a cat for a short period of time in the house, but he took him with him to college. He NEVER had a problem with them. A bit cautious, but not aggressive towards them. But, he was much younger then.
We had a feral male kitten that appeared and kept hiding in our shed and in our garage a couple of years ago. Well, being the sucker that I am, I fed him and gained his trust. He became a regular, and we considered him our outdoor kitty. Big snuggler who loves to be hugged and loved. Two weeks ago he came up bloody, with a front leg the size of my forearm (abscess from bite). Well, here I go again--took him to vet, got him neutered since he is now 2 years old and there are roaming females in our neighborhood, with full intention of keeping him inside to heal for a week then letting him out to resume his life. No problem. Will bring him home and keep him in the back bedroom until he heals. Well, you know how the best laid plans go. Hubby loves him dearly, and said "Let's just keep him inside!" using the excuse that we spent so much money on him, and if he lives outside again he will get run over, etc. etc. Well, ok. We will try.
My existing cat disagrees. I started off months ago letting the younger inside to feed him, and they saw each other with 2 baby gates between them. Inside cat is well aware of outside cat, they are very familiar with each other, but never had been face to face. They ate dinner nightly inches apart with the gates between them. Inside cat would always yowl and swat through the gate after he finished eating. This has happened daily over the past 3 months at least. The outside cat, although a much larger cat, is very submissive and a true "scaredy-cat", in every sense of the word. He would sit there and take it when he bopped him. Never growled, nothing aggressive in return. I picked him up Saturday from the vet after being doctored, tested, vaccinated, and neutered. They said all was and went well. Saturday night we put the baby gates up in the hall. Inside cat at one end of house, outside cat had the other end. Inside cat had access to sleep on the bed with us as it is his usual routine. Inside cat woke us at 3am, somehow got to the other side of the gates, and was standing over the "intruder" yowling at him, but no fur flying, no swatting. I immediately grabbed him by the scruff and put him on the other side of the gates and resituated the top one. He immediately scaled the gates like Spider-Man! It was a sight to behold how he scaled those gates! Long story a little shorter, he had to be locked in our bedroom. Sunday I tried again. All was well ALL DAY! They didn't get chummy or anything, they ate in the same room, and there was only one time inside cat yowled and postured at outside cat--I squirted him with water and it stopped. They stayed loose together all day under my close supervision, of course. Sunday night we separated them.
Well, night before last we had a knock down drag out altercation. No one hurt, no fur pulled out, but loud and very active--they went through 3 rooms with inside cat literally stalking and chasing him down. They rolled once. Outside cat got cornered in our fireplace behind the fake logs in there and peed (ewww, still working on that odor). Since then we are alternating them--one in solitary in a bedroom, the other full run of the house. One goes in, the other comes out. I bought a Feliway multicat diffuser. I bought a Sentry calming collar, but it snapped in two when I pulled it out of the package. Inside cat is still absolutely murderous when we let him out of the bedroom to have the house to roam when it is his turn. He will sit in front of the bedroom door and stare at it. Every so often he will yowl at the door. He peed on the mat in front of his litter box, and outside cat has never used it, I guess that was left as a warning to him (thank goodness his pee doesn't smell at all). I do understand that I have to do this much slower. I guess I got encouraged by the good Sunday interactions. I am just concerned that my cat is just an ass, and will never accept the big snuggle baby that I have grown very attached to. Am I just expecting too much too soon? Does anyone have any other tricks/tips? I am just so depressed and stressed out myself over this, and I'm normally very calm about animals--even fighting animals! Thanks in advance-- and thanks for reading!