My Poor Judgment Killed My Cat

[emelyssa]

In October, annual bloodwork came back on my six year old cat Nite that indicated the early stages of kidney disease. However, the urinalysis results the next day were normal, and the vet told me I had two options- I could start him on a kidney diet or repeat bloodwork in four weeks. I asked what she would do if it were her kitty and she said just repeat bloodwork in four weeks. So, four weeks later, we repeated the bloodwork and it was completely normal. I thought the original results were a fluke. I did not change Nite's diet. Then, in early January, we repeated the bloodwork again and he was in Stage 2b kidney disease. While he was okay the day we took him in, he completely deteriorated over the next two days. He died at the emergency vet the second night. The vet said the kidney disease should not have progressed so fast and there had to be something going on causing the problem which she did not diagnose, like cancer, lymphoma, cysts, etc. in addition to his FIV+. I keep returning to the thought that if I had switched his diet in October, he wouldn't have experienced all that suffering and he would still be here.

 

[catdadMI]

In October, annual bloodwork came back on my six year old cat Nite that indicated the early stages of kidney disease. However, the urinalysis results the next day were normal, and the vet told me I had two options- I could start him on a kidney diet or repeat bloodwork in four weeks. I asked what she would do if it were her kitty and she said just repeat bloodwork in four weeks. So, four weeks later, we repeated the bloodwork and it was completely normal. I thought the original results were a fluke. I did not change Nite's diet. Then, in early January, we repeated the bloodwork again and he was in Stage 2b kidney disease. While he was okay the day we took him in, he completely deteriorated over the next two days. He died at the emergency vet the second night. The vet said the kidney disease should not have progressed so fast and there had to be something going on causing the problem which she did not diagnose, like cancer, lymphoma, cysts, etc. in addition to his FIV+. I keep returning to the thought that if I had switched his diet in October, he wouldn't have experienced all that suffering and he would still be here.View attachment 410549

He was so handsome. I do not believe you used poor judgement at all, you followed the recommendations of a vet and did what you thought was best. Unfortunately things like this happen and ailments and disease goes unnoticed. This happens in both animals and humans! I know you are grieving and its difficult but you did everything you could do with the knowledge that you had.

 

[emelyssa]

Thank you. It's so awful. His brother (same age and also FIV+) passed away suddenly just a few months before due to HCIM (no symptoms whatsoever). Losing them both is just awful and I keep beating myself up over what happened with Nite.

 

[Tik cat's mum]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Nite was a beautiful boy. Grief is full of ifs and buts unfortunately. But I can say you did nothing wrong. You acted on the information you had been given, the vet said there was something other going on. So diet would not of changed anything. Sometimes things happen that are completely out of our control. Please be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up. You gave your boy a loving home and did all you could. RIP sweet Nite.

 

[CatladyJan]

Beautiful kitty!!!! You only followed the vets advice and did nothing wrong. If you had started the special diet the disease would still progress eventually and I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Fly High, Nite!

 

[di and bob]

You did absolutely nothing wrong! The FIV killed him, not the kidney disease. I have had many cats with elevated kidney levels and it was pointed to stress. You repeated the tests and they were normal. I think the FIV contributed to the raised levels. FIV is a horrible, horrible disease that kills many cats. And there is nothing you can do but palliative care, which you did, by being there for him and caring.
Guilt and all those should haves, could haves are a normal part of grieving and is almost ALWAYS present. Why? Because no one is perfect. You followed a vet's advice. Please don't beat yourself up over this, although I know you will because we all do. In times like these, I always cling to the saying.."do not cry because it is over, smile because it happened". Both those boys were in your life for a reason, that reason was love. You gave them a home to call their own and the care and love they craved. They could not ask for more. They are at peace because of that love.
Remember love is spiritual, so eternal. That sweet boy lives on through you now and your memories. That bond of love you shared is strong, nothing can take it from you. Ask him for the strength to get through this and he will send his love to comfort you. his sweet love will ALWAYS be a part of your soul, and though he shared your life's journey for a while, he now follows a new path. One that will always parallel your own. We are here for you because we have stood where you stand now and know how lonely, how heartbreaking this place is. The love you shared with him is your love only. No one in the whole world loved that little boy as you do. The pain is unique.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, let time soften the sharp edges of grief. It takes a long time to heal a broken heart, take one day at a time......RIP sweet Nite. Your beautiful face will be dearly missed, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[emelyssa]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Nite was a beautiful boy. Grief is full of ifs and buts unfortunately. But I can say you did nothing wrong. You acted on the information you had been given, the vet said there was something other going on. So diet would not of changed anything. Sometimes things happen that are completely out of our control. Please be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up. You gave your boy a loving home and did all you could. RIP sweet Nite.

Thank you. I really appreciate your kind words.

 

[emelyssa]

Beautiful kitty!!!! You only followed the vets advice and did nothing wrong. If you had started the special diet the disease would still progress eventually and I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Fly High, Nite!

Thank you! He really was beautiful.

 

[emelyssa]

You did absolutely nothing wrong! The FIV killed him, not the kidney disease. I have had many cats with elevated kidney levels and it was pointed to stress. You repeated the tests and they were normal. I think the FIV contributed to the raised levels. FIV is a horrible, horrible disease that kills many cats. And there is nothing you can do but palliative care, which you did, by being there for him and caring.
Guilt and all those should haves, could haves are a normal part of grieving and is almost ALWAYS present. Why? Because no one is perfect. You followed a vet's advice. Please don't beat yourself up over this, although I know you will because we all do. In times like these, I always cling to the saying.."do not cry because it is over, smile because it happened". Both those boys were in your life for a reason, that reason was love. You gave them a home to call their own and the care and love they craved. They could not ask for more. They are at peace because of that love.
Remember love is spiritual, so eternal. That sweet boy lives on through you now and your memories. That bond of love you shared is strong, nothing can take it from you. Ask him for the strength to get through this and he will send his love to comfort you. his sweet love will ALWAYS be a part of your soul, and though he shared your life's journey for a while, he now follows a new path. One that will always parallel your own. We are here for you because we have stood where you stand now and know how lonely, how heartbreaking this place is. The love you shared with him is your love only. No one in the whole world loved that little boy as you do. The pain is unique.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, let time soften the sharp edges of grief. It takes a long time to heal a broken heart, take one day at a time......RIP sweet Nite. Your beautiful face will be dearly missed, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

Di and Bob,

Wow, this post made me cry and cry. Thank you for your beautifully written message. I loved those boys since the first time I saw them. I would feed them and call out, here, kitties, kitties, and they would always eat when I was back inside. After awhile, Nite's curiosity broke his reserve and he decided to approach me and let me pet him. After that, he was hooked. He would appear on my front porch each morning and I would have my coffee and read my book with him next to me. We did this every day. It took much longer for Fright Nite. He would watch me interact with his brother from across the street or with his head popping out of the storm drain. After many months, he decided he wanted in on the love, too. And he loved so hard and so fiercely. He demanded to move into the home, so we adopted them both. Fright Nite fell in love with my dog- I've never seen such a bond. And Nite was the eternal kitten, bouncing off the walls and always entertained. They never missed going outside. Fright Nite actually was nervous for the dog to go outside, and he would cry whenever she was in the backyard or out for a walk. The boys could finally be brothers and playmates without competing for resources. And they would both wait for me to wake up and greet me with sweet faces and kneading paws in the morning. I have had so many wonderful cats in my life, but these two were my absolute favorite. I feel so lost without them and for the first time in my life (almost) catless. I still have my very elderly 17 year old Spookie, but he is almost always in my son's room. Thank you so much for listening and for posting such a poetic and spiritual reply.

 

[fionasmom]

I am so sorry for your loss. The kidney disease itself did not move that quickly to cause him to pass; I also believe it was the FIV and that you did nothing wrong and everything that you could. This has to be compounded by the HCM caused demise of your previous cat; it has left you with the suspicion that you could be doing more for them when, in reality, you have been faced with two very serious and often insurmountable conditions. I have an HCM boy now who is being treated only because the vet literally tripped over the dx in the course of doing something else. A few years ago I lost a wonderful boy to an undiagnosed HCM...no symptoms. You have taken wonderful care of two cats who were ill and they were able to enjoy love and care because of you.

 

[emelyssa]

I really appreciate your kindness. Yes, with Fright Nite, he had no symptoms at all and the vet never heard a heart murmur or any sign of trouble, though he did have FIV. He was just fine one moment and gone fifteen minutes later (right when we arrived at the emergency vet). I'm sorry you lost your lovely boy just as suddenly and to the same terrible defect.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Nite (and Fright Nite), dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

di and bob said it all. And I agree, it was the FIV, not a kidney issue. This I can assure you, both Nite and his brother lived, breathed and had their being in your love. What they knew of home and hearth and family, they knew because of you. Their lives, while far too short (where there is love, an eternity is not enough) were full, pressed down and running over, because of you. Now Nite joins his brother in That Place Where All Things Are Known, and he blesses you. His only sorrow is your grief, and he waits for the day when, in the fullness of time, you will meet again in joyous reunion.

 

[vansX2]

In October, annual bloodwork came back on my six year old cat Nite that indicated the early stages of kidney disease. However, the urinalysis results the next day were normal, and the vet told me I had two options- I could start him on a kidney diet or repeat bloodwork in four weeks. I asked what she would do if it were her kitty and she said just repeat bloodwork in four weeks. So, four weeks later, we repeated the bloodwork and it was completely normal. I thought the original results were a fluke. I did not change Nite's diet. Then, in early January, we repeated the bloodwork again and he was in Stage 2b kidney disease. While he was okay the day we took him in, he completely deteriorated over the next two days. He died at the emergency vet the second night. The vet said the kidney disease should not have progressed so fast and there had to be something going on causing the problem which she did not diagnose, like cancer, lymphoma, cysts, etc. in addition to his FIV+. I keep returning to the thought that if I had switched his diet in October, he wouldn't have experienced all that suffering and he would still be here.View attachment 410549

You made your decision based on the Veterinarian's recommendation. So why are you beating yourself up? Second guessing yourself isn't helping your healing process.

 

[di and bob]

We always seem to beat ourselves up because the pain we receive from doing so helps us to override the overwhelming pain we are dealing with and trying to avoid. None of us are perfect and it is easier to blame ourselves than to accept that our little one is gone. There is no such thing as a 'perfect death', dying at home in your sleep surrounded by those who love you, because even then there is something to find fault in, to blame ourselves for, because we can't accept the fact they are gone. Once we accept that there is nothing we can do that will change the past, the healing will begin, but for some it is a long time coming......

 

[emelyssa]

We always seem to beat ourselves up because the pain we receive from doing so helps us to override the overwhelming pain we are dealing with and trying to avoid. None of us are perfect and it is easier to blame ourselves than to accept that our little one is gone. There is no such thing as a 'perfect death', dying at home in your sleep surrounded by those who love you, because even then there is something to find fault in, to blame ourselves for, because we can't accept the fact they are gone. Once we accept that there is nothing we can do that will change the past, the healing will begin, but for some it is a long time coming......

Thanks so much for your support!!! The grieving process is slow. But then, it's only been a month since Nite, and his passing opened up all the pain of Fright Nite's passing, too. I look forward to getting myself in the right mindset to welcome two others into my life. This house is empty without all the cats!!!

 

[di and bob]

Please let those two little ones into your home, and eventually your heart. They need you as much as you need them. They would be a welcome distraction from your grief, and the routine of caring for them brings contentment. Ask your angel kitties for help and they will send it.

 

[Meowmee]

I am so sorry for your loss of Nite he was a gorgeous boy and Frite Nite too, what a traumatic loss. You did the best you could with the info you had at the time. It is normal to second guess everything, it is part of the grief process for most. My Wizard was also a rescue and fiv + when I trapped him. He was the most sweet loving boy ever, also an all black cat with siamese/ os ancestry. He became my guardian and now little Quinn has taken over. I still miss my Wizard everyday and wish he was still with me. He lived until 20-21 and was with me nearly 18 years.

He had kidney disease as well which we treated but he also succumbed to intestinal lymphoma. Kidney disease and many other diseases in cats can progress rapidly and it is different in each cat. They tend to hide illness very well. There is no way to predict if diet will help, our dvm did not recommend the diet for Wizard.

When you are ready please save some more kitties. Thank you so much for taking these boys in and giving them such a great life. As you know they rewarded you a million x over with undying, devoted love and they are still watching over you. As painful as it is not to have them with you physically they have left paw prints in your heart forever to guide you to the next step and beyond.

Run free sweet Nite & Frite night, watch over your mom

 

[emelyssa]

Thank you so much, Meowmee! I really appreciate your story and these kind words.

 

[Krienze]

It sounds like you loved him a lot and constantly did what was in his best interest. It's super easy to feel guilty, especially when you love your animal the way you loved your baby. But it wasn't your fault at all.

I'm so sorry for your loss =(

I truly believe your baby knew you did everything you could for them.

 

[emelyssa]

Thank you, Krienze. I loved him so much and always will. I loved him and his brother since the first time I saw them on the street. It's hard to be without them. I see that you have five cats. I had five too until Nite and Fright Nite joined our family (then there were seven). My original crew were elderly and almost all died of various cancers in 2019, and we were down to three. Now we just have our 17 year old Spookie. It is crazy to go from a house of cats to just one old man-cat. He's great, but do I ever miss the energy of my boys.