My girlfriend’s cat I think hates me. What do I do?

[amk3290]

I’ve never had a cat nor have I been a fan of cats. I used to complain to my girlfriend about her cat a lot because how the cat kept me up all night. In the last 2-3 weeks I’ve not said anything bad about her cat nor I have touched it because I don’t want to be blamed for anything. I love my girlfriend but, I don’t want to live with her cat. It’s an old cat and my girlfriend even said not many people like her cat since it’s not the friendliest of cats. Her sister even said the same thing but, I’m not sure why all of a sudden the cat runs from me, hides under my girlfriends bed, behind the couch, and barely lets me pet her anymore. I’ve had dogs for over 20 years, I love pets, and I’m not abusive to any animals. I’ve read some horror stories of boyfriends hitting their significant others cat but, I’m always with my girlfriend so she knows I never hit her cat. I’m worried and have been worried that this is going to ruin our relationship since my girlfriend loves her cat as she should but, what should I do to fix this problem? We talk about this a lot and now I’m running out of ideas on how to fix this issue with my girlfriend’s cat.

 

[Boris Diamond]

I assume your girlfriend feeds the cat. You could try being the one who does that. Providing sustenance is a great bonding maneuver. Also, you could get a special snack that you feed to the cat and no one else does. Dehydrated chicken or duck works well for many cats.

You could also try playing with the cat using a string toy, another good bonding method.

Cats are sensitive and may have picked up on your not being a fan of cats. One of the best things you can do is to try to befriend this cat. How much effort are you willing to put into this? From what you said, it sounds like that if you are going to maintain your relationship with your girlfriend, you are going to have to make friends with her kitty. Who knows? You might find that cats are interesting and fun!

 

[amk3290]

I assume your girlfriend feeds the cat. You could try being the one who does that. Providing sustenance is a great bonding maneuver. Also, you could get a special snack that you feed to the cat and no one else does. Dehydrated chicken or duck works well for many cats.

You could also try playing with the cat using a string toy, another good bonding method.

Cats are sensitive and may have picked up on your not being a fan of cats. One of the best things you can do is to try to befriend this cat. How much effort are you willing to put into this? From what you said, it sounds like that if you are going to maintain your relationship with your girlfriend, you are going to have to make friends with her kitty. Who knows? You might find that cats are interesting and fun!

Yea, she feeds the cat early in the morning because she cries for food and I’m guessing again when she gets home from work or before bed. I guess I could try to feed her cat but, again anytime I get close to her she runs away and hides.

Playing hasn’t worked. She’s got some toys that I tried to play with her last week and nothing.

I think I’m just annoyed since I work 2 jobs and don’t get much sleep to begin with so when I have a cat jumping up and down, crying, andscratching a chair all night I don’t want to like this cat at all. I never had a problem with a cat until I met this one and I honestly don’t want to like it. I tried to just take her down from the table the other night and she hissed at me and ran away again. Could it be this cat is the reason why I’m not a fan and kinda don’t want to like cats in general?

 

[minish]

You don't have to love the cat, neither the cat you, you just have to get along. Think of it as roommates. Please accept this first. And the cat is not an it, he or she or bubbles or fluffy...
Cats are crazy on territory and routine. Probably when you first started coming to your girlfriend, the cat had trouble orienting. But they are adaptable as well. It may take a little while.
In the meantime, you can feed the cat treats or play as suggested, or just talk to the cat when he or she is lying down, tell stories, tell about dogs you made friends with, about how you love your girlfriend. . This will definitely work because they listen, even if they don't understand the words, they get the tone

 

[amk3290]

You don't have to love the cat, neither the cat you, you just have to get along. Think of it as roommates. Please accept this first. And the cat is not an it, he or she or bubbles or fluffy...
Cats are crazy on territory and routine. Probably when you first started coming to your girlfriend, the cat had trouble orienting. But they are adaptable as well. It may take a little while.
In the meantime, you can feed the cat treats or play as suggested, or just talk to the cat when he or she is lying down, tell stories, tell about dogs you made friends with, about how you love your girlfriend. . This will definitely work because they listen, even if they don't understand the words, they get the tone

I’m not putting the cats name on here for a reason so I’ll address it this way for now. Please respect that.

I think my girlfriend’s cat maybe jealous of me and I’ve brought this up to her a couple times but, she doesn’t think so.

Honestly I’m not able to speak to my girlfriend’s cat because again she runs away as soon as I come near her.Last night I literally liked out the window just like she was and she jumped down and ran under the bed hiding. It’s like if she thought I was going to attack her or something when I literally did nothing but, look outside the window.

 

[Cat McCannon]

Cats don’t get jealous. They don’t hate. They do get stressed, feel threatened and feel insecure. They read body language. If you feel uncomfortable, they pick up on that.

Learn to relax. Soften your face. Learn about the "Kitty I Love You" (the Slow Blink). Keep treats on hand and drop them when you come around. It may take time, but cats respond well to bribery. Be patient and wait for kitty to come to you. Keep feeding kitty. Keep playing with kitty and kitty will start responding more and more. Learn to read kitty body language. Learn the kitty handshake- offer something off yours the kitty can smell, like a pen you use all the time, or the ear piece of eyeglasses. Just offer it up and let kitty sniff it. Hold out a finger like a kitty nose and let kitty sniff it. Just be patient- it’s all about gaining kitty’s trust.

There are other things you can do, but this will get you started. Above all, remember cats are not dogs. They are cats. Dogs bond with loyalty. Cats bond with trust. They want to know if they can trust you to feed them and keep them safe. Build and keep that trust and they’ll be your friend forever.

 

[Kflowers]

Unlike dogs, cats reflect the emotions directed toward them. If you love them or dislike them, they will respond the same way. Remember a cat's body language is different from a dog's. The same gestures mean different things to a cat and a dog.

 

[di and bob]

The cat picks up on your dislike just like I did. The cat is old, it won't be around much longer so don't do anything that you will regret or your girlfriend will remember it too. Some cats just are afraid of men period. They are fine around women. Men are louder, are bigger, and put out more aggressive vibes without even meaning to. You actually trying to touch the cat to put it on the floor was frightening to the cat. Never stare directly into a cat's eyes. That is aggressive to a cat. One day, if you ever allow it, a cat could bond with you and you would see what wonderful, loving creatures they can be. They usually bond with one human and ignore or are frightened of the rest. Cats don't have emotions like hate, jealousy, or revenge, they are independent, proud creatures. Dogs are meant to be told how to act, how to live by an alpha, they are meant to be dominated, they live to please their humans and really have personalities, etc, that are given to them, that they are molded into. They can be dominated into submission, and that is why people like them, to have control. Since they live to please, they make great companions and family members. Cats can survive on their own (though it is hard on them), are much more in tune to instinct, are self-cleaning, and are able to be left alone for periods of time, unlike dogs. The best way to win a cat's heart is to ignore him. They do not feel threatened then and will eventually gravitate towards you. That is why they usually come to a person that doesn't like cats. They feel no threat, until that person gives off vibes of dislike and does something to back it up, like yell or move too quickly towards the cat. They need time to study you, to feel comfortable around you, they absolutely hate change. I would advise you to stop studying your feelings and just let the future happen. Ignore the cat. Offer treats once in a while, or feed him, to foster good vibes, but really, just let him be. You can't force a cat into anything, unlike a dog. I think dogs are slobbering, stinky creatures that need way too much care. They are fine when with someone else. I myself, have had many dogs, and mourned when they passed. I don't display hostility towards them and love to temporarily be around them because I truly enjoy all animals, because they are alive and they feel. I just don't feel the close connection to an animal's soul like I do cats. You EARN a cat's love and it is one of this world's greatest treasures when you get it.

 

[Cat McCannon]

According to Dr. Kristyn Vitale, a researcher in the Human-Animal Interaction Lab at Oregon State University, cats who are in their "Forever Home" gravitate towards humans that pay attention to them. Cats who are in shelters waiting to be adopted, gravitate towards humans that ignore them. It seems a cat in a shelter feels more comfortable investigating a human that isn't paying attention.

 

[CatladyJan]

According to Dr. Kristyn Vitale, a researcher in the Human-Animal Interaction Lab at Oregon State University, cats who are in their "Forever Home" gravitate towards humans that pay attention to them. Cats who are in shelters waiting to be adopted, gravitate towards humans that ignore them. It seems a cat in a shelter feels more comfortable investigating a human that isn't paying attention.

that’s what I was going to suggest “act indifferent”

 

[amk3290]

Cats don’t get jealous. They don’t hate. They do get stressed, feel threatened and feel insecure. They read body language. If you feel uncomfortable, they pick up on that.

Learn to relax. Soften your face. Learn about the "Kitty I Love You" (the Slow Blink). Keep treats on hand and drop them when you come around. It may take time, but cats respond well to bribery. Be patient and wait for kitty to come to you. Keep feeding kitty. Keep playing with kitty and kitty will start responding more and more. Learn to read kitty body language. Learn the kitty handshake- offer something off yours the kitty can smell, like a pen you use all the time, or the ear piece of eyeglasses. Just offer it up and let kitty sniff it. Hold out a finger like a kitty nose and let kitty sniff it. Just be patient- it’s all about gaining kitty’s trust.

There are other things you can do, but this will get you started. Above all, remember cats are not dogs. They are cats. Dogs bond with loyalty. Cats bond with trust. They want to know if they can trust you to feed them and keep them safe. Build and keep that trust and they’ll be your friend forever.

I get cats aren't dogs and I don't treat this cat like a dog. I've again never had any issues with a cat besides this one. I've stayed at houses before that have had numerous cats and never had any issues. For the last 2-3 weeks I haven't said anything bad towards the cat nor touched it.

I've lighten up on her as I try to get close to her but, as mentioned once I get close she runs away and hide. I don't speak loud or yell so I'm not sure what else to do with that as well.

I guess I'll try to feed her next time I go over my girlfriend's house and see if this works.

 

[amk3290]

Unlike dogs, cats reflect the emotions directed toward them. If you love them or dislike them, they will respond the same way. Remember a cat's body language is different from a dog's. The same gestures mean different things to a cat and a dog.

Yes, I do get that but, for the cat to all of a sudden do this and this is after I stopped saying things about the cat is strange. My girlfriend and I had multiple convos about this and I apologized about what I've said. So I've changed my ways with the cat and clearly so has the cat.

 

[amk3290]

The cat picks up on your dislike just like I did. The cat is old, it won't be around much longer so don't do anything that you will regret or your girlfriend will remember it too. Some cats just are afraid of men period. They are fine around women. Men are louder, are bigger, and put out more aggressive vibes without even meaning to. You actually trying to touch the cat to put it on the floor was frightening to the cat. Never stare directly into a cat's eyes. That is aggressive to a cat. One day, if you ever allow it, a cat could bond with you and you would see what wonderful, loving creatures they can be. They usually bond with one human and ignore or are frightened of the rest. Cats don't have emotions like hate, jealousy, or revenge, they are independent, proud creatures. Dogs are meant to be told how to act, how to live by an alpha, they are meant to be dominated, they live to please their humans and really have personalities, etc, that are given to them, that they are molded into. They can be dominated into submission, and that is why people like them, to have control. Since they live to please, they make great companions and family members. Cats can survive on their own (though it is hard on them), are much more in tune to instinct, are self-cleaning, and are able to be left alone for periods of time, unlike dogs. The best way to win a cat's heart is to ignore him. They do not feel threatened then and will eventually gravitate towards you. That is why they usually come to a person that doesn't like cats. They feel no threat, until that person gives off vibes of dislike and does something to back it up, like yell or move too quickly towards the cat. They need time to study you, to feel comfortable around you, they absolutely hate change. I would advise you to stop studying your feelings and just let the future happen. Ignore the cat. Offer treats once in a while, or feed him, to foster good vibes, but really, just let him be. You can't force a cat into anything, unlike a dog. I think dogs are slobbering, stinky creatures that need way too much care. They are fine when with someone else. I myself, have had many dogs, and mourned when they passed. I don't display hostility towards them and love to temporarily be around them because I truly enjoy all animals, because they are alive and they feel. I just don't feel the close connection to an animal's soul like I do cats. You EARN a cat's love and it is one of this world's greatest treasures when you get it.

I again never had any issue with cats before. My aunt, uncle, cousins, and friends all have had cats before and never once have I had this problem before. What would I do to regret? It's my girlfriend's cat...I'm not going to hurt this animal I've had birds when I was younger and over the last 20 + years I've been around dogs. Please don't think I'm going to abuse this animal if that's what you're getting at. I'd never hurt my animal or any animal. I feel like you're being very defensive for this cat when clearly my girlfriend and girlfriend's sister even said she's not a likeable cat. I stayed at my cousins house for weeks at a time with their cat and would be able to live with their cat this cat I can't. I get absolutely no sleep when I stay over and when we close the door she does nothing but, cry and scratch the door. It's like if we have to make sure everything goes the cats way and wants which I find absolutely pathetic and ridiculous. Funny you all say the same thing about cats but, what's crazy is that my girlfriend even said she won't get another cat again and will only have dogs here on out. I'll stick to having dogs and not some moody cat that if it doesn't get it's way it complains about it like a little child.

 

[JulietteTruong]

This might sound silly, but think happy and sweet thoughts when around her. Cats are energy sponges. If you are somewhat anxious, or uneasy, etc, they pick up on it and will mirror it. Be patient. Give her space. She will come around.

 

[maggiedemi]

Try giving her compliments. It works with my feral Maggie. She loves being called Beautiful.

 

[Hellenww]

Some cats are just more nervous than others and take longer to accept change. Age can make that even more so. Just leaving in the morning and coming back in the evening could be too much change for her.

When we got Sqeeker my partner was still working and Sqeeker wasn't totally comfortable with her until 2yrs after she retired. On the weekends Sqeeker would start to get more comfortable but when my partner got home on Monday Sqeeker didn't remember her.

Mostly ignore kitty. Let your girlfriend do any discipline. Do your best to speak softly and take over any feedings your home for. Working 2 jobs, you're probably not home enough for kitty to really get used to you. Try to remember that she is just a scared little being running on instinct not malice.

 

[PuffandPercy]

Hi A amk3290 , welcome to CatSite. I hope you can appreciate that people here are trying to help; please don't feel attacked by what I'm going to say below.

It sounds like you're tired, and quite annoyed with your girlfriend's cat. understandably, working two jobs and having your sleep messed up is rough.

I think the advice here is pretty good; ignore her, be non-intimidating, win her over with food. As for her meowing/making noise when you're trying to sleep, I wonder if it's because she's not used to being shut out?

I live with my partner, and I have had sort of similar problems. My partner and I don't have the same sleep schedule, so when I go to bed alone, my cat snuggles right up and sleeps next to me. However, if we're both sleeping, my cat seems to think we've been transformed into playtime trampolines, and he catapults himself across the bed, using us as jumping platforms.

Super bad for sleeping! I tried locking him out, but he figured out how to (loudly) open the door himself to resume his jumping session. So I set it up that I put a cover over the door handle and mostly close the door, with my washing basket pushed up against it. Door's closed too far for him to get in, but enough he still knows we're there, and the handle is obstructed and door held shut with the basket so he can't push his way in.

I also put his bed outside so he has somewhere nice and warm. He has his food, water and litterbox, and some quiet toys like felt balls etc.

It's a simple enough solution for me now, it takes about 30 seconds to shut the door like I do. Sounds convoluted, but it works for me! Might be worth seeing if you can rig a setup that this cat finds not too disruptive to her everyday but still let's you sleep?

 

[Cat McCannon]

Play with the cat before her evening meal and feed her about an hour before bedtime. While she may not get up and chase the cat toy, if you get her focused on watching it, that's almost as good. Watching means she's engaged mentally and will wear her out.

Try putting a cat bed in the room. Have your girlfriend rub her hands on it to cover it with her scent. Locking a cat out of the bedroom is often leads to meowing and other unwanted behavior.

I'll stick to having dogs and not some moody cat that if it doesn't get it's way it complains about it like a little child.

That's not it. The cat isn't complaining because it doesn't get its way. It's complaining because something is stressing it out. (Yes, some cats stress easier than others. Like people, cats are individuals.)

You think dogs are easier than cats? HA! What are you gonna do if you end up with a high drive dog? Some people understand cats better. Some people understand dogs better. If you keep thinking of your girlfriend's cat as a whiny child, you're limiting your understanding of what the cat needs.

Take some time and try to figure out what's going on with the cat. It's possible the cat is having medical issues, especially if it's an older cat. A visit to the vet is probably in order.

It's gonna take time and patience. Just like it would if your girlfriend had a cranky dog.

(PS- I don't think you're the kind of person who'd hurt anyone's pet.)

 

[amk3290]

Try giving her compliments. It works with my feral Maggie. She loves being called Beautiful.

I'll try it but, I'll ease into it and hopefully this works. Thank you.

 

[amk3290]

This might sound silly, but think happy and sweet thoughts when around her. Cats are energy sponges. If you are somewhat anxious, or uneasy, etc, they pick up on it and will mirror it. Be patient. Give her space. She will come around.

I'll give this a try and I'm giving her all of the space she needs. I usually only go over on the weekends so she has a lot of space from me lol.