My Girlfriends Cat Hates Me

[domping98]

my girlfriend and i have been dating for 4 months and she has 2 cats 1 is 3 years and the other is a cupple months that she got after we started dating the 3 year old cat liked me at first but i picked it up alot and i think thats why he does not like me i go and see her on weekends and the cat as soon as i walk in the door he runs and hides for the whole weekend and now he has gotten the kitten to do the same he will run and poop under the bed and hide in the cabnets all weekend he will come out to use the litterbox when im not in the room sometimes and he comes out to eat but if i am in the bed room and he is under the bed or in a cabnet in the room im in he will sit there and hiss and growel and he will nip or scratch at me i dont know what to do i leave him alone and it gets better a little is there any way i can speed it up faster

thank you
Dominic

 

[Valentina3]

I think you should keep "leaving them alone", don't push it. They need some patience, but they will get used to you eventually. Maybe a calm behavior (no sudden moves, no loud noises) could help. When you see them I'm a quiet moment try to offer a treat, some food, a toy, and see if they gradually come closer to you!

 

[Kieka]

Picking up one of my cats a lot would have gotten you on their bad list very quick. The reaction you are describing indicates trauma and won't get better until there are significant changes.

Honestly, if there is a way to avoid her place for a few weeks I would do that. Give the cats a chance to decompress and memories to fade. Then try reintroduction slowly after about 3 weeks. Don't pick the cats up. Don't make sudden movement. Don't make loud noises. Sit on the floor and offer treats.

 

[heyitsfae]

Just echoing the general consensus of "do not touch" for a bit. Also, something that really helped my kitties adjust to my boyfriend was to turn the feeding over to him. Anytime he stayed the night and even when we moved in together, he was on feeding duty. It sounds silly but I really think that it helped. They started approaching him near meal times and associating him with food... and food equals good so by proxy, he was okay in their book.

 

[di and bob]

There is no way to hurry a cat. They are not social animals like dogs, and any change in their routine or in the household dynamics is terrifying to them. They WILL get used to you, it will just take time. Do not approach them, completely ignore them. No loud voices, no sudden movements. Offer treats and let them lie on the ground. Being around more would help them get used to you faster, but I can't stress enough not to approach them. Do not stare at them, they perceive stares as a threat. A hiss or growl means you are definitely too close. There is nothing more intriguing to a cat than someone who ignores them, they can't stand that! I agree taht offering food and treats is a way to their heart . Don't give up, it WILL happen!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Cats will do things on their own time, and in their own way. That's why they are so good at teaching us humans patience. Just hang back, resist the urge to touch or pick them up, and let them learn to trust again. Cats MUST be handled gently. They are not like dogs.

 

[caelesto]

"Speeding it up faster" and "cats" don't really get along. Try completely ignoring them, and then maybe offering treats when they decide come out on their own, but without trying to let them or pick them up. Some cats just really really hate to be picked up.

 

[Caspers Human]

+1 on ignoring the cat.

In cat-speak, ignoring means the cat is cool with you.
If you ignore the cat it is the same as you telling the cat, "I'm cool with you."

If you ever walk into a room where there is a cat and he looks directly at you... "All Eyes On You"... that means he's jacked up and ready in case you try to come after him or do something threatening. It is as if the cat is saying, "I'm ready for you!"

If the cat looks away that means he's not on guard. He doesn't have to worry about you trying to pull something.

If the cat completely ignores you that means he's confident enough to go about his business and not worry about what you're going to try to pull on him. The cat will usually give you a quick look as if to say, "Wassup?" then he'll go about his business as if you aren't even there. This is about as cool as a cat can be around a human without sitting in your lap.

Also, looking directly at a cat is often interpreted as a threat gesture, especially if you stare him right in the eyes.

After you and the cat get to know and respect each other, things will be different but, for now, take the "hands-off" approach, he will eventually come around.

 

[maggie101]

Also start feeding and playing with him once he is comfortable with wand toys. Start scratching him on his cheeks. Never talk loud to him. Approach slowly.

 

[Norachan]

I think you've had some pretty good advice here so far. I agree with the "ignore them" suggestions. Play hard to get, don't make eye contact, don't make any attempt to touch them or move closer to them, just act as if you aren't even aware they are there.

You need to let them know where you are at all times though. I suggest you talk quietly to yourself or hum or whistle as you move about the house. This will give them time to move, if they feel they need to to, before you come into the room.

In time (and this could be weeks or even months) you'll notice that the cats don't run for cover when you are near. That is the time to make some slow eye blinks at them. Look at them softly, blink slowly and look away. If the cats start blinking back at you that's progress.

 

[marvel7703]

I'm not there is a way to speed up this process. Sorry, I know that isn't what you want to hear, but I think it would be best if you continue to leave them alone and let them warm up to you again. Best of luck! Keep us updated.