My Feral Cat Is Herding Me. And Other Behaviors I Don’t Understand. What Should I Do In Return?

[Echolane]

It is so encouraging to read of your success! I am so HOPING that it will be a reasonably happy threesome. I am slightly encouraged because Timo and Gemi are not doing anything unreasonable when they smell her on a washcloth I’ve wiped Romy down with, or when they smell her on my clothes. I’ve read about some cats who will make a big fuss, even go so far as urinating on the cloth. Goodness, I want peace not war! Meanwhile, I need to do a better job of getting their scents to Romy. I want to see how she reacts to their smells. I think if someone of them is going to be difficult it might be a Romy.

 

[jefferd18]

View attachment 299688 Yes, she meows at me. If I call her and she’s in the area she will answer with a meow when she gets near. If she’s already there waiting for me to feed, she will meow when she sees me.

It all started with me talking to her.

Judging from her behavior, she is an exceedingly wary/wild sort, so it’s hard to imagine anything but born wild, but of course we can’t ask her. But her wariness has served her well because she has managed to survive this long in my dangerous neighborhood. Just a half block away begins a semi wild area that continues that way or wilder for many miles of coast range. I can hear coyotes calling almost every night. Mountain lions have been sighted a block away from my house, and I hear owls calling every night. Any of them are a nightly threat. And there is plenty of auto traffic and people who use rat poison. So she must be smart as well as wary. I fear for her life but unfortunately I can’t take her in.

We did trap her and her kittens and my neighbor trapped the father of the kittens. Miraculously, that didn’t stop her coming for food every day. So I started talking to her, avoiding eye contact, moving slowly, etc. This has been going on for six months or more with no apparent progress. It’s only recently, in the last month or so, that she has initiated this closer contact. That part, once started, has progressed fairly rapidly. Of course, I am absolutely beyond thrilled that my methods have soothed her enough that she has befriended me. But she must think I’m terribly stupid because I don’t respond to her cat behaviors, throwing herself down and exposing her undersides to me, or herding me.

She has been especially afraid of my hands. I’ve been able to pet her on the back so long as I don’t approach her withers or head and neck area. Then she’ll hiss and swat at me. So I decided to see if her fear about my hands would abate if she would learn to eat out of my hand. It took a week of patience and talking and now, as of yesterday, she will eat out of my hand. And already that has led to her allowing me to pet her head area just a bit. But she liked it! So I think that will progress too.

Of course, I want more! I’m dying to cuddle her. She is so pretty! She’s a tiny little thing. Only about 6-7 pounds. And with the most endearing mannerisms! Like using her paw to pull her food closer. She has even put her paw on my hand while she eats!

It’s so hard to be patient and it feels like I might never get much beyond where I am with her right now. She won’t play. Toys frighten her. My husband can’t get anywhere near. She won’t eat anything but kibble.

It takes time to earn that trust to touch. It took five and a half months for me to be able to pet Jeff, and even then. the very first time I tried, she jumped a foot in the air. The next day I offered my hand for her to sniff and kept my eyes locked on the ground. She sniffed my outreached hand and then proceeded to bump it with her head. It is a great feeling.

Keep up the good work- you will get there.

And yes, she is indeed a very pretty little girl.

 

[fionasmom]

Some cats definitely go crazy when they smell another cat, even through a door or spot one through a window. I think that you are really making this work.

 

[NY cat man]

Congratulations on your success with Romy. Before we brought her inside, Miss Eleanor would do the same thing, practically tripping me as I attempted to walk anywhere, and she would follow like a puppy. She has been inside since February now, and has blended in with the other 5, to the point where Michele has pictures of her curled up with the others on the couch, and yes, all of ours were ferals.

 

[Echolane]

Congratulations on your success with Romy. Before we brought her inside, Miss Eleanor would do the same thing, practically tripping me as I attempted to walk anywhere, and she would follow like a puppy. She has been inside since February now, and has blended in with the other 5, to the point where Michele has pictures of her curled up with the others on the couch, and yes, all of ours were ferals.

Miss Eleanor’s herding behavior which sounds so like Rony’s is fascinating to learn! I’d still like to understand what it means. I think of the first time Romy circled my legs and did her herding thing as the moment she chose me. I was so thrilled with her behavior and now I feel so sad as all that joy seems gone from her right now. As I said above, I hope it returns soon.
Good to learn that your latest fits in with the others. Did your ferals come from a colony where they lived with other cats? That would suggest to me that they were capable of accepting other cats. Romy was a loner, so far as I know, so it makes it impossible for me to speculate if she will get along with other cats. I hope so!

 

[Echolane]

Some cats definitely go crazy when they smell another cat, even through a door or spot one through a window. I think that you are really making this work.

Oh do I ever hope you are right! If anything I feel like my cats have become just that little bit more affectionate with me. Timo, especially, is smelling me excessively and tonight for the first time ever he laid down in my lap. That’s a big deal. He very much likes to lie against me, but if I try to put him in my lap he will leave. Gemi seems to want to be closer too.

 

[Echolane]

It takes time to earn that trust to touch. It took five and a half months for me to be able to pet Jeff, and even then. the very first time I tried, she jumped a foot in the air. The next day I offered my hand for her to sniff and kept my eyes locked on the ground. She sniffed my outreached hand and then proceeded to bump it with her head. It is a great feeling.

Keep up the good work- you will get there.

And yes, she is indeed a very pretty little girl.

Isn’t it the most amazing feeling when they decide you are okay! All of the many milestones Romy and I reached along the way to her becoming so tame are still so memorable and so special to think about. Just in the last few days Romy is head bumping me. I have been feeding her about a year, it wasn’t until her kittens were trapped and gone in mid summer that any progress was made. Things started progressing about mid-July.

We definitely have a way to go though. She has scratched my face three times this week. She apparently doesn’t like it when I try to cuddle her. I am so very gentle with her and yet my face was apparently just too close for her comfort.

We had company today and that was hard on her. My brother and his wife and daughter came over and we were sitting around the table talking. They made no effort to interact with her. She stayed tucked in a safe corner the whole time. Definitely a new experience!

 

[NY cat man]

Miss Eleanor’s herding behavior which sounds so like Rony’s is fascinating to learn! I’d still like to understand what it means. I think of the first time Romy circled my legs and did her herding thing as the moment she chose me. I was so thrilled with her behavior and now I feel so sad as all that joy seems gone from her right now. As I said above, I hope it returns soon.
Good to learn that your latest fits in with the others. Did your ferals come from a colony where they lived with other cats? That would suggest to me that they were capable of accepting other cats. Romy was a loner, so far as I know, so it makes it impossible for me to speculate if she will get along with other cats. I hope so!

All of ours, with the exception of Miss Eleanor, came from a single female, who would bring her litters to our door as soon as they were big enough. In the case of Burdock and Prancer, they were the sole survivors. Digger, Stretch, and Bashful were litter mates. Multiple attempts were made to trap the mother, but none were successful, until she was found dead on our neighbor's porch.
I can't prove it, but I think that the herding you describe means that your cat has chosen you, and wants to be around you, and how is that a bad thing?

 

[Echolane]

I can't prove it, but I think that the herding you describe means that your cat has chosen you, and wants to be around you, and how is that a bad thing?

I have thought almost from the beginning that she chose me. I will never forget what a wonderful feeling it gave me! She was, in a way, in charge of our relationship. You could say she was the boss. I feel really sad now though. She has lost whatever that was. When she sees me now in the morning she is no longer that little busy body with her back hunched and her tail vibrating like mad, sooo happy to see me, and darting from one thing to another marking them all vigorously and eagerly wanting me to pet her. Now she is listless and hardly bothers to get up when she sees me.
I feel sad reading about Miss Eleanor too. She was obviously smart enough to bring her kittens to food. But then she didn’t survive. Poison? Hit by a car and injured internally? Illness? It’s so frustrating not to know. I had fed a feral cat some years ago, There was no friendship of any sort, but it pleased me to feed it. Then one day I found her dead on my property. No clue as to why she died. Made me feel so sad that it died all alone with no one to help. It’s a hard life on the street!

 

[NY cat man]

I have thought almost from the beginning that she chose me. I will never forget what a wonderful feeling it gave me! She was, in a way, in charge of our relationship. You could say she was the boss. I feel really sad now though. She has lost whatever that was. When she sees me now in the morning she is no longer that little busy body with her back hunched and her tail vibrating like mad, sooo happy to see me, and darting from one thing to another marking them all vigorously and eagerly wanting me to pet her. Now she is listless and hardly bothers to get up when she sees me.
I feel sad reading about Miss Eleanor too. She was obviously smart enough to bring her kittens to food. But then she didn’t survive. Poison? Hit by a car and injured internally? Illness? It’s so frustrating not to know. I had fed a feral cat some years ago, There was no friendship of any sort, but it pleased me to feed it. Then one day I found her dead on my property. No clue as to why she died. Made me feel so sad that it died all alone with no one to help. It’s a hard life on the street!

You misunderstand. Miss Eleanor isn't the mother of our cats, but possibly a sibling, but we don't know for sure, and she is alive and well, and on my lap, at least most of the time.
As for Romy, you need to give it time. She is probably still going through an adjustment phase, as Miss Eleanor did, inasmuch as she was about 4 years old when she came inside in February. Patience is the watchword..

 

[Echolane]

You are so right! I should have referred to the mother cat who brought her kittens to your door, though it doesn’t change the sadness that a lonely death makes me feel.

I am hoping Romy will rerurn to her vibrant self soon. We still have the big hurdle of meeting the other two cats. I dare to hope it will go well, but I still am waiting to take the plunge.

 

[fionasmom]

You are doing a great job with your kitty. The adjustment period can take on various phases as they adapt, so don't be discouraged. You learned that your face is off limits despite other types of affection, but you do get head bumps. When I brought one adult feral into the house years ago, my resident male Eliot simply climbed up onto the kitchen counter and refused to get down for several days.(Realistically I know that he got down at some points to eat and use the litter box, but the rest of the time he was perched there.) He was afraid of the new guy, despite how calm he was. After a while, they became good friends and would sit around together.

 

[Echolane]

You are doing a great job with your kitty. The adjustment period can take on various phases as they adapt, so don't be discouraged. You learned that your face is off limits despite other types of affection, but you do get head bumps. When I brought one adult feral into the house years ago, my resident male Eliot simply climbed up onto the kitchen counter and refused to get down for several days.(Realistically I know that he got down at some points to eat and use the litter box, but the rest of the time he was perched there.) He was afraid of the new guy, despite how calm he was. After a while, they became good friends and would sit around together.

Thanks for the encouraging compliment. This is my first experience with a feral so I still feel so very unsure of myself. I am probably putting off the meeting between the cats much too long because of that uncertainty. I keep asking myself should I wait until Romy feels more comfortable? Will she be less fearful, therefore less likely to react with a strike? Or will increasing confidence make her more likely to strike? of course I have no idea. So I wait. And wait....But I also think it’s good to wait for my two indoor cats too. They, too, are making an adjustment. They are shut out of the kitchen area and they do smell her. My suspicion is that waiting is good for them too.

Romy has been inside since a week ago last Thursday, so my current thought is to give both parties a full two weeks and then start intros.

I often have to smile at stories about the very emotional behavior of cats, like your Eliot. I smile because it makes me wish they could write to Dear Abby for her opinion on what to do, or maybe talk to a shrink. Hahaha. It’s nice to hear that Eliot and the new feral became friends.

 

[NY cat man]

Thanks for the encouraging compliment. This is my first experience with a feral so I still feel so very unsure of myself. I am probably putting off the meeting between the cats much too long because of that uncertainty. I keep asking myself should I wait until Romy feels more comfortable? Will she be less fearful, therefore less likely to react with a strike? Or will increasing confidence make her more likely to strike? of course I have no idea. So I wait. And wait....But I also think it’s good to wait for my two indoor cats too. They, too, are making an adjustment. They are shut out of the kitchen area and they do smell her. My suspicion is that waiting is good for them too.

Romy has been inside since a week ago last Thursday, so my current thought is to give both parties a full two weeks and then start intros.

I often have to smile at stories about the very emotional behavior of cats, like your Eliot. I smile because it makes me wish they could write to Dear Abby for her opinion on what to do, or maybe talk to a shrink. Hahaha. It’s nice to hear that Eliot and the new feral became friends.

Were I you, I would think in terms of months, not weeks. All cats are different, to say nothing of ferals, and will progress on their own terms and timetable. The thing is not to get discouraged if things seem to be going sideways. Again, patience, patience, patience.

 

[fionasmom]

I agree with NY cat man that longer is better than too quick. I once kept cats separated for 5 months because of other issues in the house and when the door finally opened it was as if they knew each other.

Eliot's friend, Pangur Ban, found me just in time to get a home before he manifested both cryptococcus and lymphoma. He died before a year was up and Eliot mourned him.

 

[Echolane]

Five weeks have passed and Romy has gradually been given more and more freedom. Sh now has the run of the house. We have made progress and yet now we seem to be at a stalemate and I’m not sure what to do.

How do I get her to venture outside her “sanctuary” room, now open to the rest of the house?

What do I do to make more progress on her “taming”? (Will she ever be “tame”?)

At first she was tucked in an extra large wire dog crate which is in my kitchen/dining area. I closed the pocket door between this large room and the rest of the house. Within four or five days I opened the door to the cage and allowed Romy freedom to roam her sanctuary. After about two weeks I would let Timo and Gemi in one at a time to visit, at first with Romy in her big crate and eventually free. Not a lot happened, though Gemi was obviously very cautious and kept her distance. Occasionally they would provoke a hiss and a strike from Romy, but it was over in a second or less. Finally last week I opened the pocket door so Romy could explore the house.

Meanwhile Romy was clearly depressed. I much missed her exuberant shaky tail which always greeted me outside. There was now so little joy in our greet and pet sessions. At one point I was encouraged by a friend who had helped me with trapping her and her kittens to release her. I thought I would give her another week or two and I’m glad I did because just this week I am seeing most of her exuberant displays of happiness return on seeing me. When she was still outside she would always greet me so enthusiastically with strongly vibrating tail and a funny little hunched back. And she would busily circle me and mark vigorously everything around me. Then she would brush against me and solicit petting or throw herself down and roll over repeatedly to show me her tummy while reaching out with her paws to touch me. It was special. Just in the last few days she is showing me about 90% of her old behavior which pleases me immensely.

But at the same time, she is stuck in unproductive patterns. She is very reluctant to venture outside her “sanctuary” room. If I happen to spot her exploring and move toward her she rushes back to her “sanctuary”. Or if I am closer she will hiss and run, reverting to her feral behavior. It’s a repeat of my outdoor experiences with her in that she would have to be “tamed” to each new area when away from the area where I would feed her and pet her. In a nutshell, we seem to be stalemated at this stage. I don’t know what to do to advance her integration into the household. She obviously needs more attention from me, but what to do? I have thought of getting her really hungry and going back to feeding her out of my hand, but that’s not the easiest thing to do. I can’t physically move her food dish farther and farther away because Timo and Gemi would gladly scarf up her food.

I could relocate her to the catio on the deck outside our master bedroom where it would be easier for me to spend more time with her. But that might involve locking the resident cats outside the bedroom which has already been disruptive to their lives.

I wish I knew what to do......

Here’s a photo of her exploring the new catio for the first time. The first time, she refused to step outside! This really surprised me as I thought she would rush to escape. It’s pretty much finished. We just need to furnish it with things cats will enjoy playing with. We will
be making some sisal climbing posts, buying some hammocks, putting a cat tree out, etc.

 

[NY cat man]

It's good to see that you're making progress. Five weeks is a good start, but as I previously posted, you have to think in longer terms. Yes, Miss Eleanor integrated relatively quickly, but with Prancer, it was a different story. It can be a difficult thing to socialize a cat, and I can understand your desire for more rapid progress, but again, each cat is different and all we can do is be supportive of them. Just think of how much more satisfying it will be once Romy is fully a part of your home. Once again, patience, patience, patience, and keep us posted.

 

[susanm9006]

She is still deciding in the rest of your home is safe and that someone isn’t going to grab her. When she comes out of her room, don’t look at her or go towards her. You can talk to her as long as you don’t look in her direction. When she is ready she will come to you or meow to let you know she is there.

 

[Echolane]

Patience was something I had in abundance when Romy was outside. There was always so much joy in our interactions. Now I just don’t feel the same joy. Instead I feel stress. I’m sure it has a lot to do with how Romy feels too. I think she has lost much of her joy and she feels stress too. Patience Is so much harder to come by when no one is happy. As I write this the cats are paw fighting under the door and the hissing is loud and angry. I am not sure it is safe to put them together again.

For several days now Romy has been confined in the bathroom attached to the Master Bedroom with her litter tray in the bathtub to get her accustomed to using it in that spot. The goal is also to accustom her to the rest of the house since she is reluctant to explore on her own. Yet I have no idea how long to enforce her new confinement to guarantee that she will return to the bathtub to use her litter box. But feeling cruel after confining her there for three days, just this morning I let her out to explore the bedroom and the door to the catio is also open. She’s had the bedroom to explore all day today, though it’s too cold to keep the outside door open all the time - brrr. I go to her every hour or two and she seems to have adjusted fairly well to the bedroom, which is pretty good news since the change to the bathroom obviously stressed her.

I am actually beginning to think that it would be best for all if she could adjust to being out during the day and sheltering inside at night. If only I could discuss it with her And she would guarantee to return every night!!! Well, it’s too soon to give up, but I hope things get better soon.

 

[Echolane]

Here it is the 3rd day of April and it’s Romy’s 6th day of freedom after a six month experience of living inside. My attempts to adopt this wonderful little feral haven’t really worked out for any of us.

Romy lost her freedom as well as her enthusiasm. No more “shaky tail” which she would greet me with outside but never while inside. No more animated joy while she would prance around me when outside and solicit petting.
She hated (or feared) my two resident cats who were really trying to be good to her.
She would never leave the Master Bedroom in spite of the freedom to do so for many months, just sheltering/hiding under the bench at the foot of our queen bed or under my dresser.

Then she started peeing on our bed. That meant paying the cleaners $40 for the imitation fur throw and spot washing the wool blanket, and washing the bedding and the sheepskin mattress pad. The fourth time was decisive. I thought over everything about her life and mine and my two cats and decided it wasn’t working very well for all concerned. Later that day I opened the door for her. She immediately left. I worried excessively that she had lost her “edge” of wariness that she would need to survive, not to mention the deconditioning. And of course there are the predators!

Yet she is restored to her old self!!! She is hanging around my property all day instead of sometimes. She comes running or fast trotting with tail straight up when I call her or she sees me in the yard. Her tail vibrates with happiness again and she can’t seem to get enough of my petting again as she hurries around me, rubbing against me as I am now sitting down to greet her. She even rubs her face against my face when she used to be afraid of my face getting close to her. She will even play with an impromptu toy, which she also used to be afraid of. She is back to being the extremely personable affectionate cat I fell in love with and lost when I moved her inside. She is also back to her old hyper alert self, noticing every sound or movement. So I have stopped worrying so much.

She has a little cat house on the deck’s catio. It is equipped with a body heat pad but she seems to prefer sleeping under my deck. And of course there is always food and water for her.

An imperfect ending to my Romy story from my point of view, but a happy ending for Romy. Timo and Gemi are much happier now too. I feel relieved that I’ve done the right thing but I wish I could be happier about it.