My Cat Strongly Dislikes Everyone

[Mtt3matt]

I have a cat (calico) I adopted her at about a year old. I have been a single guy for most of her life. I have had a few serious relationships and move ins with women. My cat hates everyone but me. I am now in a serious relationship with a women with 3 children. It's been a year with us living together and my GF has taken on all responsibilties for the cat, cleaning litter box, feeding, etc. But my cat still only "adores" me! If feel bad for my gf and step children. They want to love her and want a cat. My cat also makes me afraid to try to introduce another animal for them. I KNOW it will not go well. It is frustrating for everyone! Anyv tips

 

[Cat_mediator]

Ok, how does your cat react to your gf and her children? Is she "hostile" to them? Or she doesn't care? Try to play with the cat when your gf is present, give her some treats at the end of the play session. After a while, your gf can start doing the same, play with the cat and give her treat at the end. Do not introduce another animal for now, since living with her gf and her children is already a big change for your cat. You know some cats take a very long time to adjust to a new environment. Give her more time. Let me know more details about their relationship, so I can give you more insight.

 

[danteshuman]

I would hold off on getting a well socialized kitten until you are serious enough that you are married or buying a home together (seriously committed.) If not you will disrupt your cat's life even more if things end (not to mention the children's lives.) If you are serious enough you own a home together, then I say go ahead and adopt a well socialized kitten. Just be sure to follow the cat introduction process & to teach the children how to interact with cats.

My punk Dante is a nervous little guy that wants my attention ALL the time. I got him to warm up to my room mates by having them (and only them) give him treats for 2-3 months. As for mom (who I rent a room from since my divorce) well she kept giving Dante the stink eye for attacking her older declawed baby cat when she was alive. That was a harder sell. I started giving him treats for just being around her & petting him around her. Until one day he got up on her lap. Now my niece and nephew (who are now 5 & 6) come over & sleep over often. I am working on getting him to come down the stairs when they are sleepy by playing with him (getting him to follow a feather wand downstairs.) I am hoping in the next 6 months to slowly get him used to playing with the calmer kid & then move to him giving him treats. I would also add that my room is a safe zone where the kids are not allowed. Your cat might appreciate a safe room. I hung a curtain in front of my door so my door could be open most of the time & I could have privacy... while allowing my guys free access in/out of my room (their room in their eyes.) The curtain also makes my cats feel safe since they are 'hidden.'

 

[Mtt3matt]

Ok, how does your cat react to your gf and her children? Is she "hostile" to them? Or she doesn't care? Try to play with the cat when your gf is present, give her some treats at the end of the play session. After a while, your gf can start doing the same, play with the cat and give her treat at the end. Do not introduce another animal for now, since living with her gf and her children is already a big change for your cat. You know some cats take a very long time to adjust to a new environment. Give her more time. Let me know more details about their relationship, so I can give you more insight.

She is not hostile to my gf and with kids she stands her ground but growls and hisses when they come near. The kids are 10 12 and 14. She will lay in bed with both of us but never with my gf alone. She is a very dominant cat. Everyone kind of acts afraid of her and I feel like that is part of the problem. I feel bad for her and my gf because the cat wants attention And my gf wants to give her attention. The cat will follow her around when I'm not home but doesn't allow pets. Since my girlfriend feeds her I have been having her pet her a little right when she gives her food and the cat is ok with that.

 

[Furballsmom]

You could try this, except for treat time, have everyone mostly just go about their business and importantly, be calm and not tense or intense about things, cuz I think you're right regarding acting afraid of her. It does sound like time will help things - a cat with her personality absolutely wouldn't follow someone she hates

 

[catsknowme]

I would encourage your gf and the children to learn about cat communications. For instance, do they know to not do a "predator's stare" (direct eye contact) because cats are more prey than predator? Or how to do a slow-blink "cat kiss"? The Jackson Galaxy shows "My Cat From Hell" and "Cat v. Dog" are entertaining and educational.
Congratulations on gaining a whole new family! If you can assure segregation, I would get the kids a pair of socialized kittens or an older cat with a proven track record for being friendly. That will take the focus off your calico - it sounds like she will appreciate that (and save other kitty lives)!

 

[Maxxwell]

Probably wouldn't be best to get another cat. She might feel threatened and if the new cat comes and everyone pays attention to the new cat she could feel jealous and start acting out

 

[danteshuman]

Cats learn from other cats. That was why I a suggested well socialized kitten. The key phrase being socialized! Our semi feral learned to cuddle watching my boys demand attention & play time. You do need to make sure the kitten was around humans from a very young age and is super comfortable around humans. Plus the kitten will take unwanted attention off your cat. Maybe even a bottle baby/brat that thinks it is human? Your cat could teach a bottle baby how to do cat stuff and the kitten could teach your cat that other humans are OK.
Is our semi feral totally tame? No. Do you need to be careful to not over stimulate him when petting him? Yes. Does he still want to use the yard instead of a litter box and go out every night from 8-midnight? Yes. However he now has daily snuggle time with my mom, he can be picked up, petted, played with and does remarkably well at the vet ..... the little kids still make him nervous though.

 

[danteshuman]

Also your cat may be hissing out of fear. You might try doing with your cat what I did with Dante. Just remember small steps. You are planning to win a long term battle, not to get her to cuddle your gf over night.

 

[catsknowme]

I agree with DantesHuman. Your cat sounds like she may be worried about "intruders". If she isn't used to a lot of people being around, the kids' enthusiasm might be overwhelming to her. On the other hand, they have so much to offer a cat or kitten, in terms of affection and attention, it is a shame that they don't have a kitty to enjoy, especially with so many socialized kittens and cats sitting on death row at the shelters or at risk of being homeless (I had a friend who lost her apartment and could not place all of her rescue cats - the surrender fee was $40/cat - so she stayed with them in an abandoned chicken coop covered with tarps from the Dollar Store until someone took her and the sickest cat in.)

 

[Mtt3matt]

I am def not looking for an overnight fix. It has been a year. Suggestions have been great. She def is a watcher when someone new is around. She does spend most of her time sleeping in the loving room which is where the kids spend most of the time and is comfortable enough to relax knowing they are there. The cat set knows they are afraid and I think she uses that to mess with them. She also dominated my parents chocolate lab when I dog sat. She definitely protects her space. She likes to stand or sit in there way when they are trying to go by. She will also sniff people's hand and allow them to get close but no pets alive. She is a completely different cat with me and people are amazed. I can pick her up and she hugs, I can flip herf over and rub her belly. I also understand there is a certain way to pet her and when she has had enough.

 

[Mtt3matt]

 

[catsknowme]

She is so beautiful! I love her half&half face - I wonder if it is a "chimera". I have heard that calicoes and tortiseshells have "tortitude". My daughter 's current calico certainly falls into that category.