My cat refuses to get along with another of our cats

[shannonmari65]

Hi folks!

I have a dilemma that I'm hoping to get some answers for here.

I have four cats. I got my first one almost 5 years ago (Tom) and then got my second cat when he was 2 (Chloe), for company. A few weeks before we packed up and moved to another state, a third cat was hanging around our house, obviously dumped. She was skinny and skittery but she hung around my front porch.  I started feeding her and looking for a home for her but no one would take her, so I decided to bring her in and give her a home with us (named her Abby).Two weeks before the move, I did bring her in and separated her from the other two because they obviously didn't know one another. Tom and Abby got along fine; Chloe and Abby did not, a lot of hissing and spitting through the door and I did all the things I read about to introduce them but Chloe had a serious problem with her.  When it came time to move, we took her with us because I simply couldn't leave this poor kitty to fend for herself! 

Fast forward to now..... Chloe still hates her. We've been here almost four months now and not a day goes by where they fight with each other and Chloe is always the one who starts it. I thought that with moving into a new home, there was no "territory" staked out and that they would start to get along but nope, they still fight terribly! It's making us all miserable! Since we got here, my husband found a 4th kitten that was hurt and her little muzzle was cut so we took her to the vet and got her fixed up, shots and all (Spaying comes next month as she'll be 6 months old then --- this vet is a firm believer that spaying too young (she was 3 months old when we found her) is bad for cats). All three of them get along with this little kitten  but I just can't figure out what it is that Chloe hates so much about Abby!

I love my cat but I'm at my wits' end as to what to do in order to help them get along--any suggestions??

Shannonmari65

 

[calicosrspecial]

Thank you so much for saving these cats.

I would like to understand better how they are living together now. Are they at any time physically separated or do each of them have access to the other all the time?

How are they interacting when they are together (if they are together)? What is their body language like? Do they always fight or is it sometimes? Specific places or all over?

I am guessing the introduction process was just a bit too short. That is a lot of change for Chloe (new cat, new home). I find the existing cats have a more difficult adjustment than the new cat.

I am happy to help. I will wait to hear back the answers to the above and then we can put in place a plan to get them to get along.

Thanks again for all you are doing, hopefully we can get them to accept each other soon.

 

[shouldercats]

So nice of you to help the cats that cross your path. I too have 4 cats, all of them are rescues.  So, I totally understand about fighting cats.   One day they'll fight and the next day I see them licking each others faces.   Keeping them separated helps to ease the stress of the cat fights.  If you can, I would recommend taking the cat that is getting beat up by the other cats and give them special attention, like keeping them in your bedroom overnight.  

Deb

 

[imaginewizard]

 
If you can, I would recommend taking the cat that is getting beat up by the other cats and give them special attention, like keeping them in your bedroom overnight.  

I'm not an expert by any means, but I've been watching clips from Jackson Galaxy's My Cat From Hell  and it seems to imply that over-mothering a cat that's being bullied can decrease it's confidence (or 'mojo' as he calls it), which will not help the problem. Just to throw out a counter. 

 

[shouldercats]

Keeping the cats separated until they become more accustomed to each other is the key.  At least that worked for my 4 cats, two of which are former ferals and can be quite fierce when defending their territory.   One of the of the other four cats was not a former feral, so she tended to get beat up by all the other cats.  When they are separated, they know the other cats are still out there on the other side of the door, but she did have more confidence during the separation.   

 

[shannonmari65]

"Thank you so much for saving these cats.

I would like to understand better how they are living together now. Are they at any time physically separated or do each of them have access to the other all the time?

How are they interacting when they are together (if they are together)? What is their body language like? Do they always fight or is it sometimes? Specific places or all over?

I am guessing the introduction process was just a bit too short. That is a lot of change for Chloe (new cat, new home). I find the existing cats have a more difficult adjustment than the new cat.

I am happy to help. I will wait to hear back the answers to the above and then we can put in place a plan to get them to get along.

Thanks again for all you are doing, hopefully we can get them to accept each other soon."

Hi!  I appreciate your kind words!

Well, they tend to stay away from each other during the day--Chloe sleeps in my bedroom and Abby sleeps in my media room. They tend to fight most when they are crossing paths in the hallway from the media room to the bedroom, however, sometimes Chloe will come into the media room and she'll chase and corner Abby, where they hiss, scream and spit at each other and I have to break them up. Abby is usually crouched, in a still position, ears flat, and Chloe has her hair up, ears flattened and growling. Then Abby will go silent and still, like she's hoping that Chloe will just leave her alone!

I have gotten to where they will all eat in the same room together but I still have to put Abby on her own counter, away from the other three, because she feels threatened by Chloe and won't eat until she's sure that Chloe is eating her food and not worrying about what she's doing!

There was one time they were both sleeping on the bed at the same time and I was like, OH GOOD, maybe they'll get along now---nope, half an hour later, they were fighting! The main problem I have with my new house is that it's very open; there are very few doors, pretty much only on the bedroom and the bathrooms, so it's hard to just shut one up because the other two, that are getting along with everyone, don't like closed doors!

So that's where we're at! The introduction process probably was too short, as I did the closed room/door in my old house and I only could do that for about two weeks, which I feel was too short. I was hoping that it would work out in the new house (all new territory for all of them) but so far, no go!

Shannon

 

[calicosrspecial]

Do they swat in addition to hissing etc? Do they ever actually land blows? Has either ever been hurt?

Is it always Chloe initiating the negative encounters?

Abby going still is very common to show the other cat they are not a threat.

GREAT that they are eating together even if Abby has to be on the counter. Any time they are together and nothing bad happens it is a positive. And we always want to try associate the other cat with good things (like food and play). We are achieving that when they are eating together.

In my opinion it is always best not to take away territory. So I don't mind the layout of the new house. I don't think that is an issue.

The introduction process was probably a bit short but there was a reason why. 

How do the cats (Chloe and Abby) walk around? Is their tail straight up? Do they walk tall or close to the ground? Do they avoid each other at all (especially Abby to Chloe)? Any places they avoid? Are teh cats sleeping on beds, in cat trees etc? Up and out rather than under beds?

So I really want to do a couple of things. 

Do you have enough cat trees and comfy beds around?

I think there is some distrust/fear/lack of confidence. Confident cats typically don't attack and since they are confident are less likely to be attacked.

We need to build the confidence of both cats. We do that through play, food, height and love. I really want to step up play with both cats. Doesn't have to be together for now. In all areas of the house. Start with Abby in the media room. And rotate in other rooms. For Chloe start in other rooms then at some point play with Chloe in the media room. After play feed a meal or treats. Keep feeding them together as well. Try to get 

them up high in cat trees, up on beds, etc. Then if possible without being injured be as calm and confident around them and try to get them to purr if possible especially if they are around the other cat (watching so that the other cat does not get jealous or envious). The last part of this is the least important so can be skipped.

At some point I like top get the problem cats to play together. But that is down the road depending on how they are interacting.

If you see Chloe starting to focus on Abby can you distract her with play or food? Any time we can distract and make a potential negative encounter into a positive one it will build their confidence.

Cats take on our emotions so please try to stay as calm and confdient around them as possible (I know it is easier said than done).

Hallways are notoriously problematic. We could use cat shelving at some point to ease the congestion if needed and if acceptable.

I am not too alarmed at the situation and I do think it has a high probability of being solved. We can see how they respond to the above and adjust and respond accordingly.

Please feel free to ask anything anytime and I am happy to try to help for as long as needed.

 

[shannonmari65]

YAY!! I can finally respond!!

Ok, I sent this via email to you, CalicoSRSpecial!!

"Do they swat in addition to hissing etc? Do they ever actually land blows? Has either ever been hurt?" 

Well, they do swat, and it's mostly Chloe swatting at Abby and yes, blows have been landed but I don't think they've actually been "hurt" outside of some scratches on the nose.

Is it always Chloe initiating the negative encounters?

99% of the time, it's Chloe. Like last night, we were in the kitchen and she saw Abby come in and Chloe took off after her and chased her out. Sometimes I can stop her from doing that, but I missed her and she took off after her, and that ensued with hissing and growling, and Chloe swiping at her in the hall!

Abby going still is very common to show the other cat they are not a threat.

Abby tends to hiss back at her, squat down and freeze these days. She's not backing down but I can tell she's upset over it (obviously, right?! )

GREAT that they are eating together even if Abby has to be on the counter. Any time they are together and nothing bad happens it is a positive. And we always want to try associate the other cat with good things (like food and play). We are achieving that when they are eating together.

I read that so I was trying to do that with them--every once in awhile I can get them all to eat together but then Chloe will finish and see Abby and then try to start something!!

In my opinion it is always best not to take away territory. So I don't mind the layout of the new house. I don't think that is an issue.

The introduction process was probably a bit short but there was a reason why. 

How do the cats (Chloe and Abby) walk around? Is their tail straight up? Do they walk tall or close to the ground? Do they avoid each other at all (especially Abby to Chloe)? Any places they avoid? Are teh cats sleeping on beds, in cat trees etc? Up and out rather than under beds?

They do tend to walk around with their tails up, tho' they do tend to also "skitter" around now, especially when someone is walking down the hall or near them. Chloe was never like that until this move, but I did expect that out of Abby, since she was my "rescue" kitty. They don't really avoid any place in the house, unless they spot the other one in there, especially Abby spotting Chloe. They sleep on the beds and I have two big cat trees that they will all sleep on occasionally--tho' Abby and Chloe will not sleep on it if the other is there.

So I really want to do a couple of things. 

Do you have enough cat trees and comfy beds around?

I have two of the big cat trees--the ones that are like 6' up in the air. I do have a few beds around--I actually had bought four beds for my dogs but they never used them, the cats do! LOL!! 

I think there is some distrust/fear/lack of confidence. Confident cats typically don't attack and since they are confident are less likely to be attacked.

We need to build the confidence of both cats. We do that through play, food, height and love. I really want to step up play with both cats. Doesn't have to be together for now. In all areas of the house. Start with Abby in the media room. And rotate in other rooms. For Chloe start in other rooms then at some point play with Chloe in the media room. After play feed a meal or treats. Keep feeding them together as well. Try to get 

them up high in cat trees, up on beds, etc. Then if possible without being injured be as calm and confident around them and try to get them to purr if possible especially if they are around the other cat (watching so that the other cat does not get jealous or envious). The last part of this is the least important so can be skipped.

I do try to play with all four of them and hold them all for a little bit, every day.

At some point I like top get the problem cats to play together. But that is down the road depending on how they are interacting.

If you see Chloe starting to focus on Abby can you distract her with play or food? Any time we can distract and make a potential negative encounter into a positive one it will build their confidence.

Yes, when I can catch her, I do try to distract her--she's a big catnip fan! ; )

Cats take on our emotions so please try to stay as calm and confdient around them as possible (I know it is easier said than done).

I really do try to remain calm but sometimes, it is hard!! I'll try to do better though! I just want them to at least tolerate each other, if they can't be friends, know what I mean??

Hallways are notoriously problematic. We could use cat shelving at some point to ease the congestion if needed and if acceptable.

I think if we can put shelves maybe that might help--I'll talk to my husband about that!

I am not too alarmed at the situation and I do think it has a high probability of being solved. We can see how they respond to the above and adjust and respond accordingly.

Please feel free to ask anything anytime and I am happy to try to help for as long as needed."

Thank you so very much! I love all of my cats and this has been very distressing, as I've never had cats before that attacked the way Chloe (and every once in awhile, Abby) does, so any advice is so appreciated!!!

 

[calicosrspecial]

I'll respond here so that it is available to all and others can read and suggest etc.

I am so glad no one has been hurt too badly though I don't like the scratches. But this is a positive that Chloe doesn't want to "kill" Abby. We can work with this.

Chloe is feeling threatened it seems. I really want to work on building Chloe's confidence. Please step up play and then feed. Especially in any areas where the chases happen. A confident cat is less likely to feel threatened and to chase, swat, etc. Also keep trying to associate Abby and her scent with good things for Chloe. You can do some scent swapping (get an old shirt with Abby's scent on it and have it by Chloe when you feed, where she hangs out/sleeps, and if you are giving love (as long as you are not in danger of being hurt yourself -  never put yourself at risk of being scratched or bitten). If you can get Chloe to purr with Abby's scent around that is good (but not always possible).

Great that Abby is not backing down. We want her to be strong as long as she is not attacking. We do have to work on Abby's confidence to some degree but if time is limited then we really need to focus on Chloe first.

Keep try to feed together (again associating each of them with good things like food). If there is anyway to distract Chloe then please do (without putting yourself at risk of being hurt). Try to do the scent swapping as well.

I am so glad to hear they do walk around with their tails up (confident). And glad they are not avoiding places. It is ok if they don't sleep on the came tree and that they avoid each other. So we are not starting in too bad a place.

Great that you have the trees and the beds. Very helpful. They both use them, correct?

Please keep playing with them and please try to step up play with Chloe. After play feed. And of course love is good and if you can get them to purr even better. Please never put yourself at risk of being scratched or bitten.

Please use catnip to distract if it works, Anytime they are together without a negative incident it is a positive in their development.

I know it is hard to be calm and confident especially when one is chasing the other. Just do your best. I don't see any reason why they can't tolerate each other. Sometimes it takes time. Especially when there is a lot of change (the move) and a shorter than ideal introduction process. But I am not too worried, we can get them to get along.

Everything you are experiencing is very normal. Your situation is very common. I have found that it is exactly very rare when two cats just can't get along. I do not get a sense that your situation can't be handled.

I'll be with you every step of the way. Don't worry. We'll see how they respond and how they react to everything. I think Chloe is feeling a little insecure and threatened. And she views a good offense as a good defense. The more times they are together without incident the more they will accept each other. It sounds like Chloe is having the most difficult transition which again is normal. My experience is that it is the existing cat that tends to have a tougher adjustment period. But it sounds like Abby is doing pretty well. So if we get Chloe to feel more confident and secure I think we can solve this. I don't get a sense that Abby is the issue.

Please ask anything anytime and feel free to share how they are acting, interacting, etc. The more information the better. Hang in there, this is very normal. I think we can get things better.