My cat likes only me... how can i change it?

[lili2008]

Hi,

My cat Mina is 3 years old siamese and we have her from when she was 4 months old. She was always more shy than her sister (Lili), but we thought that with the time it would get better.

But it's getting worse. At the beginning she used to play a lot but as she got older she started to reject her sister and playing very rarely. Very soon after her arrival, she was getting more and more afraid of my husband and I know she doesn't have any reason. Her sister loved (she died last week) my husband, so it cannot be him.

She is sticked to me and she is afraid of my husband. Everytime he picks her up (if he succeed...), she would "freeze", it's impossible to move her paws ot tail without broking it. He calls her Miki-concrete... She only comes to him when he is watching TV and when she is in the mood. But she is not agressive.

With me I can pick her up anytime, i can feel how she is relaxed. When my husband approach, she freezes.

Lately it seems that she has become afraid of me as well, it's not as easy as it was to "catch" her... She is very demanding cat though, when she wants to sleep with me under my duvet, she would scratch the duvet until i wouldn't let her go in. Or during the night, she would start to purr like a motor and she wakes me up (i am very hard sleeper!). Or when she wants to play, she brings me the thing for playing (a kind of fur string on a stick), she put it on my foot, pats me twice (she does it like a human, it freaks me out everytime!) and miaow.

We tried Feliway as well, even for several months, but it doesn't help.

She also pulls out her fur, but she doesn't eat it, she spits it out. She does this quite often, because on her back there is a visible hole of no-fur.

I went with her to the vet, but they didn't find any medical reason to it, also adviced Feliway. I don't want to feed her with any chemicals making her sleepy cat.

Is it her who decided to be so stubborn, to like only me and only under certain conditions, or is there anything that could be changed.

My husband is pretty disappointed with her behaviour and now when we lost Lili (who was HIS "baby"), he is pretty sad. He said that maybe now, when Lili is gone, Mina would eventually change....

I would like to help to improve their relationship, so any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[rafm]

A. She's Siamese. Do some research on Siamese behavior and I think you will find others with this same temperament. 

B.  Many cats prefer one person over another. One of ours that passed in August merely tolerated my presence in the house. It was my DH she adored. She would actually run from me to him if she wasn't in the mood to be around me. One cat we currently have only likes me. I can carry him around on my hip like a child and he just talks to me and purrs, DH can't even pick him up. There are so many personality quirks with cats, you just have to accept it. 

Also, stop trying to pick her up. She obviously doesn't like it so stop doing it. That's a sure fire way to get a cat to stop letting you approach....continually picking them up when they don't like it. 

Since you just lost her sister, she too may be upset and might need some time to adjust as well. I'd give her a little space, stop stressing her out by doing things you know she doesn't like and let her come to you. 

Again, I strongly urge you to do research Siamese behavior. 

 

[lili2008]

Hi Rafm,

Thank you for all your advices.

I will stop observing her so much, i will let her some space as you said, to adjust in this difficult situation. It's not like i am now picking her up every day, just i wanted to point out that difference between 2 people and between before and now.

I already did a research on Siamese, but she is so different than her sister, comming from same place, same education... Her sister was also siamese but she was very sociable, playful and even if she was giving "love look" to my husband, she loved me as well.

But as you said i will let her live her life, i was just wondering if she wasn't more and more unhappy with us...

Actually she doesn't seem to be very upset with the loss of her sister, she is not looking for her, she wants to play all the time (with me...) and she acts like nothing has happen. Maybe she is hiding it... Definetely i don't see any change between before and after.

I will give her time and space and let's see what future will bring...

Thanks a lot!