-
Too many ads? Join our community of cat lovers now to reduce ads by 90%! Click here to join for free!
My cat is unhappy, should I get her a new home?
- Thread starter fabs
- Start Date
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #2
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2015
- Messages
- 272
- Purraise
- 127
It sounds like she is reacting to the behavior of your other cat(s). When cats are stressed or scared it can lead to issues like this. Is there a way that you can create a safer environment for her?
I know you say your apartment is small, do you have a room that you can keep just for her? If you do, I would suggest giving her a separate room away from your other cats before immediately jumping to rehoming. Even in a small space, I have found ways to keep my cats comfortable and safe even at times when they weren't getting along.
Timid and shy cats are often the most difficult to rehome and become even more stressed once they are in a new environment and this can lead to all sorts of other problems. I'm not saying that you shouldn't rehome her if you think her quality of life would be better with someone else, but I would try to see if there are ways to improve your current situation first. If there is a way for you to give Luna a place that is safe this would help a lot.
Does she have anywhere she can go to get away from the other cats? If you have limited space in your apartment, the best way to do this would be to use vertical space by having cat trees, cat shelves or other things in the room that Luna could use to go up high and have her own space. Since you have 3 cats, creating safe places for them to go to get some alone time could help them get along better.
If cats are constantly competing for territory or one cat is hogging all the safe spots, toys, food, etc this can make it much harder for cats who are not getting along or are stressed out by another cat's bullying or aggressive behavior. Sometimes cats will sleep together and appear to get along but bullying and aggression will still be a problem and if they can't get away from the one who is doing it they will become very stressed and act out in fear.
The easiest way to solve this kind of issue is to keep your cats in separate rooms and allow them time to de-stress and then gradually reintroduce them slowly and only have them together when supervised until they can get along, but if this isn't possible because of limited space in your apartment I would suggest trying to utilize the vertical space. Having multiple cat trees and shelves or other places Luna can go could help. You can also create other "hiding spots" for her and see if she will use them.
I know you say your apartment is small, do you have a room that you can keep just for her? If you do, I would suggest giving her a separate room away from your other cats before immediately jumping to rehoming. Even in a small space, I have found ways to keep my cats comfortable and safe even at times when they weren't getting along.
Timid and shy cats are often the most difficult to rehome and become even more stressed once they are in a new environment and this can lead to all sorts of other problems. I'm not saying that you shouldn't rehome her if you think her quality of life would be better with someone else, but I would try to see if there are ways to improve your current situation first. If there is a way for you to give Luna a place that is safe this would help a lot.
Does she have anywhere she can go to get away from the other cats? If you have limited space in your apartment, the best way to do this would be to use vertical space by having cat trees, cat shelves or other things in the room that Luna could use to go up high and have her own space. Since you have 3 cats, creating safe places for them to go to get some alone time could help them get along better.
If cats are constantly competing for territory or one cat is hogging all the safe spots, toys, food, etc this can make it much harder for cats who are not getting along or are stressed out by another cat's bullying or aggressive behavior. Sometimes cats will sleep together and appear to get along but bullying and aggression will still be a problem and if they can't get away from the one who is doing it they will become very stressed and act out in fear.
The easiest way to solve this kind of issue is to keep your cats in separate rooms and allow them time to de-stress and then gradually reintroduce them slowly and only have them together when supervised until they can get along, but if this isn't possible because of limited space in your apartment I would suggest trying to utilize the vertical space. Having multiple cat trees and shelves or other places Luna can go could help. You can also create other "hiding spots" for her and see if she will use them.
Last edited:
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #4
@detroit cat lady:
When I say spce is limited, it means Cat trees and vertical space isnt an option either, I cant instal shelves. There is only one other room besides living room/diner:kitchen combo, that being my own, I kept them separated at first, and kept her out of my room but she tries to sneak in at any chance. I know the source of stress, I just cant offer her a decent solution and it pains me, she is the type of cat that dives inside bags and scares other cats for fun.
Rehoming wont be hard, just for me.
When I say spce is limited, it means Cat trees and vertical space isnt an option either, I cant instal shelves. There is only one other room besides living room/diner:kitchen combo, that being my own, I kept them separated at first, and kept her out of my room but she tries to sneak in at any chance. I know the source of stress, I just cant offer her a decent solution and it pains me, she is the type of cat that dives inside bags and scares other cats for fun.
Rehoming wont be hard, just for me.
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2014
- Messages
- 148
- Purraise
- 60
you could try feliway plug in's to help with the stress leavel
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2015
- Messages
- 272
- Purraise
- 127
Is there a reason why you couldn't keep her in your room and keep the other cats in the living room for the time being to help her destress?
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2015
- Messages
- 1,954
- Purraise
- 3,150
I was wondering the same thing. Couldn't you try limiting her to just your room?
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2014
- Messages
- 8,089
- Purraise
- 13,358
you can try making areas she can get up and away=putting your furniture in a way so she can jump up-a soft cathouse on your dresser=a chair next to the dresser so she can climb up onto the chair then up to the dresser.
you can move chairs around so they can have high places to get to-in my house almost every chair has a blanket/pillow/cat bed and they utilize these when my young one gets the zoomies and scares the older girls.
you can move chairs around so they can have high places to get to-in my house almost every chair has a blanket/pillow/cat bed and they utilize these when my young one gets the zoomies and scares the older girls.
Jackson Galaxy addressed the issue of confining a cat and then the inevitable reaction when the other cat comes out. It is now even more of an invader. It also drove the confined cat to mark. Pee.
Have you went back to cat introduction 101 with them ? Clip the claws. Nothing incites a fight quicker between rivals that a swat that causes pain. If you can rearrange your furniture to provide a walkway off the floor. Remove or restrict access or provide an escape route in the areas she gets cornered in. The aggressor cat may need more aggressive and longer playtimes to keep him wore out.
I may have to go with Stewball on this one. One should not feel guilty when rehoming is in the cat's best interest, especially if all other avenues have either been tried, or are impossible to implement, especially if, as you say, finding a good home is not going to be difficult. She is a beautiful cat, and may actually do better as an "only child." Try to find a home where you can visit, and know that she's doing well. It seems somewhat counter-intuitive, but when I had to rehome my beautiful Berry (grandbaby wildly allergic...had to choose between cat and grandchild), a dear friend took her. I didn't go over for a couple of weeks to give her time to adjust, but after that, although she was always glad to see me, after the first few minutes of cuddles and love, off she went to attend to "cat chores," and didn't mind a bit when I left. It did my heart good to know she was so happy in her new home.
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2015
- Messages
- 272
- Purraise
- 127
I agree that if another solution is not possible that the best thing to do may be to rehome her, if you truly believe it is in her best interests. But I also think it's important to think about that rehoming is not always as easy as we hope that it is and not all cats adjust well or easily. I've seen many situations where a cat who is shy and has a nervous personality becomes very stressed out in a new environment and will refuse to eat, not use the litterbox, etc. Every situation is different. I do agree that some cats will do better in a household where there aren't other cats or pets. If you don't believe you can give her a safe environment this may be what she needs. She may also be fine with other cats if there was more space and safe places for her.
I agree regarding being an only kitty and maybe no children. She'll be queen of all the areas.
I don't know how long she's been with you, but it does take TIME and PATIENCE for a new cat to settle in and acclimatize, as well as for your resident cat to get used to having a new friend. It took the best part of a year for our most recently adopted boy, who was 14 when he joined us and had only been in one former household where he was the only cat. Even so, we shared 7 wonderful years before he passed at 21. He had his own room with everything he needed in it for the first couple of weeks, and he returned to it for "time outs" when he needed them. There were times when I had to physically separate him and our resident dominant male. But I made a commitment to him and I was not going to break it. Eventually, things calmed down and I have pictures of the two of them and our other, sweet, friendly male, curled up on beds together. (See below. He's the fluffy guy at the top of the photo.) So I wouldn't give up yet. These things take time. (And you can certainly get cat trees that do not involve any changes to the apartment. Free-standing tall cat activity centers are great! We have several.)
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #15
Ok Ill adress certain suggestions and things that have come up:
-The cats have been introduced properly this is not some cat aggression issue , its an over-energetic rough playing cat who is only one year old vs 3 year old shy cat, its just a bad combo. The young cat is territorial, there is little space and too many cats and my room being a place of interest. They can share food, bed and even play together for most of the day even when Im not there. All the cats are fixed.
-Cat trees occupy space, which I barely even have, placing a "furniture" path would require a) furniture, b) space, think starving grad student ok?
-Cat wants to be in my room but not trapped in it, if she is confined to my bedroom she will pee the bed, if she cant enter? she will pee on other stuff and eventually my bed if she manages to sneak in. She is not stressed all the time, but being confined is worse than the other cat, she wants to be with me or in my closet.
Basically siamese mix owns the bedroom and at certain point in the day he will drive all cats away from there, one of them doesnt mind, the other gets super stressed out from this ordeal, in different cirumstances making this work would be possible, in the ones I currently live its not.
-The cats have been introduced properly this is not some cat aggression issue , its an over-energetic rough playing cat who is only one year old vs 3 year old shy cat, its just a bad combo. The young cat is territorial, there is little space and too many cats and my room being a place of interest. They can share food, bed and even play together for most of the day even when Im not there. All the cats are fixed.
-Cat trees occupy space, which I barely even have, placing a "furniture" path would require a) furniture, b) space, think starving grad student ok?
-Cat wants to be in my room but not trapped in it, if she is confined to my bedroom she will pee the bed, if she cant enter? she will pee on other stuff and eventually my bed if she manages to sneak in. She is not stressed all the time, but being confined is worse than the other cat, she wants to be with me or in my closet.
Basically siamese mix owns the bedroom and at certain point in the day he will drive all cats away from there, one of them doesnt mind, the other gets super stressed out from this ordeal, in different cirumstances making this work would be possible, in the ones I currently live its not.
That gives more understanding of the situation, but I'm a never-say-never type person when it comes to those Iove -- cats. Age/activity differences wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, as we've had these situations many times, and eventually they have worked out. Time and patience. As for space and starving students, been there, done that! Lived in 323 sq. ft. with 3 cats for a year. Being able to go UP was what they needed and what they got. As for the bed, I recently bought a waterproof mattress protector online, for reasonable. On top of the bed, a large plastic tarp keeps it safe and it's also very affordable. Where there's a will, there IS a way.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #17
@Tarasgirl06 : think around 170 square feet! With winter not there was a small balcony but now they obviously dont want to go there.
UPDATE:
I placed a bed somewhere she likes -heights are not her thing somehow- and during the day it gives her a place to be that is not my closet. My other cat doesnt bother her while she is there -he passes right next to her as if nothing was there-.
Ive also made play sesions that involve them, specially late at night when my siamese mix acts up; he wont do anything to her while she is with me and that gives me the opportunity to distract him with some toy and divert the atention from her. I cant do this all the time but its definetly an improvement. -fishing rod like toys work great-. This is more to calm her down and make her feel safe and to stop the other cat from annoying anyone.
Ill try to get some anti anxiety vest for my siamese mix, specially at night so he doesnt drive us ALL mad.
Thanks a lot guys! I will make another thread with how the situation evolves once Ive tried more playtime variations and if anyone has any experience with cat clothes please let me know!
UPDATE:
I placed a bed somewhere she likes -heights are not her thing somehow- and during the day it gives her a place to be that is not my closet. My other cat doesnt bother her while she is there -he passes right next to her as if nothing was there-.
Ive also made play sesions that involve them, specially late at night when my siamese mix acts up; he wont do anything to her while she is with me and that gives me the opportunity to distract him with some toy and divert the atention from her. I cant do this all the time but its definetly an improvement. -fishing rod like toys work great-. This is more to calm her down and make her feel safe and to stop the other cat from annoying anyone.
Ill try to get some anti anxiety vest for my siamese mix, specially at night so he doesnt drive us ALL mad.
Thanks a lot guys! I will make another thread with how the situation evolves once Ive tried more playtime variations and if anyone has any experience with cat clothes please let me know!
Well, I agree with "Cat Daddy" feline behaviorist Jackson Galaxy in feeling that cats do not need or in most cases, like clothes, but the vest is for a good purpose, and might help. Feliway spray is effective for us, and those play sessions can work wonders! Have you ever gotten 2 "fishing pole" type toys going at the same time? I think play is the great equalizer, and any positive way of getting the cats playing TOGETHER is only going to help them to adapt to one another.
170 sq. ft., huh? Wow, that IS a pretty small space. But I still say that where there's a will, there's a way, and when it comes to feline family, there is always a lot of "will" here. Don't give up -- you're doing a great job so far!
170 sq. ft., huh? Wow, that IS a pretty small space. But I still say that where there's a will, there's a way, and when it comes to feline family, there is always a lot of "will" here. Don't give up -- you're doing a great job so far!
Please do keep us posted. I know you will do everything you can, and will make sure your girl has a safe and happy life. We shall cheer you on and hope for her to stay with you. You will know what is best for her.
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2015
- Messages
- 272
- Purraise
- 127
UPDATE:
I placed a bed somewhere she likes -heights are not her thing somehow- and during the day it gives her a place to be that is not my closet. My other cat doesnt bother her while she is there -he passes right next to her as if nothing was there-.
Ive also made play sesions that involve them, specially late at night when my siamese mix acts up; he wont do anything to her while she is with me and that gives me the opportunity to distract him with some toy and divert the atention from her. I cant do this all the time but its definetly an improvement. -fishing rod like toys work great-. This is more to calm her down and make her feel safe and to stop the other cat from annoying anyone.
Ill try to get some anti anxiety vest for my siamese mix, specially at night so he doesnt drive us ALL mad.
Thanks a lot guys! I will make another thread with how the situation evolves once Ive tried more playtime variations and if anyone has any experience with cat clothes please let me know!
