my cat is affraid of me except in bed

[njbob]

it has been one year since we adopted two young cats from a shelter. Neither one of them want anything to do with being picked up or held. The female is Bianca and she mostly keeps to herself except when it is time to eat then she becomes very loveable and vocal. she is really playful and kinda of takes care of our male cat, Alvin.

Alvin, is a solid black long hair cat with a big bushy tail. He is slender with big paws. Alvin has us confused. Like Bianca he wants no parts of being held. However, unlike the other cat Alvin is extremely frightened by us. Anytime we walk near him he runs away. if we try to call him over he just looks at us and walks away. He kinda of looks like he wants to come over but won't. After about 6 months we can go to him if he laying on the couch and he will let us pet him a little bit then walks away.

However, this all changes when we are in bed. Alvin jumps up and will go to each of us. He head buts us, nudges us, licks my feet, rolls over and wants his belly rubbed, and rubs against us. the whole time he is purring away and looking at us with those "I just love you eyes". However, as soon are out of bed he is scared again.

Over the past year I have only heard Alvin meow once.  that was when he was hiding in the towel closet and he got locked in the bathroom as I was taking a shower. He was crying to go out.

When comes to other cats Alvin is very sociable. He enjoys playing chase with Bianca and having her groom him. Our neighbor also has a male cat named Midnight that always wants to come in the house. When Midnight comes for visit Bianca just ignores him like she is doing with us. however, Alvin is all over Midnight sniffing him, trying to get midnight to play chase, trying lay with him. Midnight is a much older cat and tolerates it for a while. he will take a swat at Alvin when gets annoyed while keeping his claws in but they do not fight.

How do we get Alvin to understand that we are the same people in the bed?

 

[di and bob]

For some reason (maybe your height?) he accepts you when you are laying down. Maybe you don;t move around as fast so he feels less threatened. Maybe you can try holding him in bed, then progress to holding him while sitting on the side of the bed, then while standing up. I think you have made progress if you can pet him on the couch, try to touch him longer, and maybe try to get him to get on to your lap. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this, you are such nice people to give these shy babies a home, I wish they would give you more affection. Believe it or not a year isn't that long for something like this, hopefully someone will come on and give you more experienced advise. I wish you all the luck!

 

[cgillo]

I have a semi-feral cat that doesn't like to be held and is afraid of all people except for me and she also would feel more comfortable with me when I was laying down in bed. So that is where I pet her and talked to her and after awhile she started coming over and jumping up next to me on the chair, only for a few seconds though. I have had her since she is a kitten and she is 10 now and she still is most comfortable when I'm in bed and she is very affectionate and purrs and purrs and stays for awhile. I agree with the idea above that we are less threatening laying down then standing up. Over time I hope this changes for you. I have heard of many cats becoming less afraid over time with patience.

 

[p3 and the king]

Maybe you could try sitting on the floor when you call him and see if he comes to you then?  I am inclined to think that maybe your height frightens him.  They both seem like rescued ferals or possible abuse victims.  Do you know much about their past before adoption?  If so, it could explain a lot.  This look of uncertainty could be where that stems from.  Maybe he was hurt or treated badly whenever someone would call him over and he'd go before so he learned not to do so.  Even though he knows that isn't you.  He just knows some part of his memory tells him not to do that.  That is just one possible scenerio, though.

Another thing, how deep are your voices?  Often if spoken to loudly or in a deep voice, it sounds aggressive to cats.  So try speaking in a higher or softer tone. See if that helps any, as well. 

However, Lots of cats don't like to be held because they don't like the feeling of confinement.  So that is normal.  But they can be very affectionate when being petted.