- Joined
- Nov 15, 2015
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I can't stop crying. After 3 months of chemotherapy my cat Felix has died. I first noticed something was wrong when her breathing seemed laboured and she seemed lethargic and kept lying down in a corner away from me and my boyfriend which was very unusual for her since she has always been a very affectionate attention loving cat. I took her to the vet the next day and was told there was fluid build-up in her lungs and the vet told me it looked like lymphoma. The vet said Felix probably had lymphoma for 3 months and that the cancer had spread all over and that she might have a few weeks left to live. I decided to get her chemotherapy and she responded very well to it at first. I skipped one chemo session thinking it would be ok because she was doing so well. Chemo was incredibly expensive...like 350$ a week. I have an incredible amount of guilt because after I skipped that one session she went from being her old self again to refusing to eat and slowly growing weaker. I started feeding her with a syringe so she wouldn't die from starvation. I used a home hydration pack to get fluids in her so she wouldn't dehydrate. She threw up a lot and I spent a lot of time just holing and cuddling her. Force feeding her with the syringe was incredibly difficult and my boyfriend did most of it. I feel terrible because the last night I saw her alive I fed her with the syringe which she hated and then pet her a little and closed my bedroom door and went to bed totally expecting her to be alive when I woke up. When I woke up the next day I found her in the bathroom behind the door dead with some of the food I gave her the night before leaking out. I was hysterical. I feel incredibly guilty that the last interaction I had with her was feeding her with the syringe. I closed my bedroom door too...what if she wanted to be with me during her final moments...I feel she died alone on the bathroom floor and I will never forgive myself. I can't get the image or her lying there out of my head. I hope she knew I loved her dearly and knows I will miss her and that by feeding her with the syringe I wad just trying to help her not torture her. I loved her so much and I miss her. I wish I could have properly said goodbye.