My 1 1/2-year-old adopted cat is jealous and aggressive with my 5-year-old...help!

[Holly1295]

I need some help! I grew up with all strays, adopted cats and dogs and they all got along. I rescued a stray, Bella, who passed away after 18 years. I also rescued a cat 5 years later, Callie, and the two were best friends. After Bella passed Callie seemed depressed. I decided to adopt a stray, Lyla, last June 2022. I slowly introduced them, but I noticed my new cat Lyla, seemed to be aggressive with Callie, pinning her to the ground and biting her in the neck. My vet and shelter told me not to separate them and eventually they will get along. I am home 24 hours and do playtime 3'xs a day and have every interactive cat toy. This has not helped Lyla's aggression with Calie. I feel like she is jealous of Callie to the point when Callie comes to me Lyla attacks her and chases her. Callie can't eat or play without Lyla jumping on her biting her neck. I love them both, but I am really feeling sorry for Callie because she has no life anymore with Lula around. Yes, they are both spayed. It was suggested that Lyla needs a one cat home, and it isn't fair to Callie. Lyla is physically abusive to Callie pinning her down and biting her neck. Lyla is asleep on my lap and Callie is upstairs. I bought a large cat tree, so Callie had a place to jump on to get away and this worked until Lyla decided this top perch was hers, so she won't let Callie near the cat tree. I feel bad for Lyla because she must have abandonment issues and I feel bad for Callie being bullied. i would never give Lyla up I am committed that she has a forever home. I am lost and need help please.

 

[Furballsmom]

i would never give Lyla up I am committed that she has a forever home

I'm sorry but Callie has no peace, no place of her own, not even your lap anymore. Lyla has stolen her home.

It was suggested that Lyla needs a one cat home, and it isn't fair to Callie.

Are you consdering keeping Lyla and rehoming Callie?

 

[BeccaCat]

I’m sorry this is happening. Have you tried Feliway? Also Jackson Galaxy has a solution called “bully solution” that you could try. It has decent reviews. Do you have room for a second cat tree?

 

[Holly1295]

Thank you for writing. I have been reading up on Feliway and will purchase it. I just told Callie last night I was going to get her her own cat tree. I know Lyla will take that one over too. I am trying treats. Every time she goes near Callie I say "Be a good girl" and she comes up on the couch. I make her wait till I count till ten and then give her her favorite treat.
I will keep you posted!

 

[Holly1295]

I'm sorry but Callie has no peace, no place of her own, not even your lap anymore. Lyla has stolen her home.


Are you consdering keeping Lyla and rehoming Callie?

No...Never would I give up Callie she is such a good girl, and I wouldn't rehome Lyla either. I amgoing to try Feliway someone suggested. Thanks so much for writing me.

 

[Furballsmom]

I amgoing to try Feliway someone suggested.

That's fine, however as you described above, you need to continue to take a more involved and assertive role.

Lyla because she must have abandonment issues

I doubt it. How old is Lyla?

I know Lyla will take that one over too.

You can help Callie with this situation.

Every time she goes near Callie I say "Be a good girl" and she comes up on the couch. I make her wait till I count till ten and then give her her favorite treat.

This is excellent, good for you. Another option that you can work into this, is clicker training for Lyla. In that ten second countdown, do a double click, then give the treat. Eventually you should be able to utilize the double-click without a treat (which might be better anyway in case Lyla gains weight easily).

Take Lyla and Callie for walks, again without allowing Lyla to bully Callie, ever. If walks aren't safe to do in your location, you might consider taking each one separately for a buggy ride in an enclosed pet buggy.

Would Lyla use a cat wheel? These are sometimes found for sale on Nextdoor, Letgo, Offerup, Craigslist et al.

 

[Holly1295]

Hi, I am back again. I really appreciate all of your kind feedback and caring.
So I bought 2 Feliway's and plugged them in and they did not help. Lyla still will noy leave Callie alone. I feel so bad for Callie. I have 3 litter boxes, 1 downstairs and 2 upstairs and the min Callie goes to use the one downstairs Lyla is hiding waiting to jump and chase her. I have 2 large cat towers now and anytime Callie goes on one Lyla chases her off. Lyla just bullies her 24 hours. Callie can't even play with her toys or even eat. I have cat food upstairs and 2 downstairs. I am at a loss. Lyla is just jealous of Callie. I feel bad for Lyla because she lived in 3 foster homes as a kitten and maybe she has abandonment issues, I feel bad also for Callie because she has no life with Lyla. Callie used to love to sleep on the screened in porch but as soon as she goes out there Lyla chases her all the way upstairs...HELP!!!

 

[Biomehanika]

How active have you been in stopping Lyla’s bad behaviour? When you see her bullying Callie do you correct her everytime? This seems to have been going on for a long time and must be very stressful for all of you. I think if you want any hope in salvaging things between the two of them you’re going to need to reeeeally step it up a notch and become a full time cat drill sergeant of sorts. By drill sergeant I mean… Correct Lyla everytime. Reward all good behaviour with affections or treats. Stand guard when Callie eats, uses the litter box, or goes on the cat tree so you can stop Lyla and she learns she can’t just chase her away. When she stalks her or attacks her maybe put her in a different room for a few minutes if your “No!”’s and other distractions and such aren’t working. The whole nine yards. Since this has been going on so long you should hopefully be able to predict most of Lyla’s “next moves” so use that to your advantage and be prepared. It’ll be time consuming and annoying, but it’s needed at this point. You could also set up a safe room for Callie, where she has food, water, litter, toys, ect. and put her in there a few hours a day to decompress and have some relaxing time to herself where she doesn’t have to worry about Lyla, or you could use said room for Lyla instead, or rotate. I would leave one of the cats in this room when you are not home, or sleeping, so that most if not all the time they spend together is closely monitored until things improve. Or completely rewind and start from step one again with a full separation for awhile, and then a fresh, sloooow introduction. I have no experience with behavioural medications and hate to recommend them, but I know they’ve worked really well for some people, so if it comes to that, that could be an option for Lyla, too.

 

[Holly1295]

I am home 24/24 and yes, it is very stressful but I never loose my patience. You are a big help and support and I appreciate it. I will tell you some things I am doing, and I would appreciate your feedback. If I see Lyla getting ready to attack, I tell her "Lyla come her" and she definitely listens to that because she gets a treat. The only problem is that Lyla will become very fat because it is a constant battle unless Lyla is sleeping and then Callie wants a treat. Sometimes I block her and say "No" but if I go to sit down, she will charge her. Callie is now at the point where she is constantly watching over her shoulder which makes me sad. I have tried playing with Lyla to wear her out. That doesn't work because she never gets worn out because she is so hyper. I thought by the time Lyla was 2 she would calm down but no. My vet and shelter said don't lock Lyla up and let them fight it out. I have tried a water pistol and as soon as Lyla see's it she stops what she is doing but I really don't want to spend years using a water pistol. I have grown up with many strays and never had this problem. Honestly what do you think will work the best? I am trying everything, but will Lyla ever learn to leave poor Callie alone. Also Lyla is a crier. She cries whenever she wants something. I never saw that before. You are right I am stressed out about this.

 

[Holly1295]

Hi I had to write I made some great strides tonight....a simple "NO" in a stern voice stopped Lyla in her tracks. Night.

 

[ArtNJ]

I mostly agree with your vet. 1 1/2 year olds love to play, play, play and they often don't take no for an answer or respond to social cues. Biting the neck IS play. Its just that in equal play, the other cat doesn't normally just lay there. In unequal play, sometimes they do just that, and the play bite lasts a bit longer. But its not done to hurt, and there are no wounds. It seems to be somewhat uncomfortable, akin to a human kid giving their brother a head noogie. Its hard enough to teach a human kid to play nice, and you can talk to them. With cats, there are some that say it can be done, but I'm with your vet. If you let them be, it will improve with time.

In rare circumstances, this sort of remorseless play can cause enough stress in the other cat to be a big deal. But mostly its not such a big issue and its perfectly fine to let things improve with time as your vet suggested.

 

[Alldara]

Have you considered putting Lyla in another room a few hours a day? When it was just Nobel and Magnus, we put Magnus in his room from 3pm to 5pm while we cooked and had dinner. Then again, we put him away overnight from 11pm to 6am.

Nobel, being 14 at the time needed rest and time with us to himself and where a kitten wouldn't overtake his playtime.

Eventually, Magnus would take himself up for his nap from 3-5 and settle at night so we didn't have to. But that time in the room was vital to getting that schedule in tact and giving Nobel space to not have stress. We could even give their enrichment in the same room at 11 and know they would come to bed together when finished. But that took time and us building that boundary as humans.

 

[BoaztheAdventureCat]

I mostly agree with your vet. 1 1/2 year olds love to play, play, play and they often don't take no for an answer or respond to social cues. Biting the neck IS play. Its just that in equal play, the other cat doesn't normally just lay there. In unequal play, sometimes they do just that, and the play bite lasts a bit longer. But its not done to hurt, and there are no wounds. It seems to be somewhat uncomfortable, akin to a human kid giving their brother a head noogie. Its hard enough to teach a human kid to play nice, and you can talk to them. With cats, there are some that say it can be done, but I'm with your vet. If you let them be, it will improve with time.

In rare circumstances, this sort of remorseless play can cause enough stress in the other cat to be a big deal. But mostly its not such a big issue and its perfectly fine to let things improve with time as your vet suggested.

How much time is needed for her to see improvement? It sounds like she's been waiting for too long as it is!

 

[ArtNJ]

How much time is needed for her to see improvement? It sounds like she's been waiting for too long as it is!

If you were to comb through the site and pull together all of these overly eager remorseless play posts, maybe 60-80% would be about one year old cats. Cats slow down at different rates, and some more or less than others, but it seems like most eventually become less maniacal about it. In the meantime, is it really as bad as all that? The OP doesn't mention any signs of extreme stress. For all we currently know, this is the typical situation where the kitten runs away/growls/hisses during rough play, but comes out and acts like nothing happened in a couple of minutes, and even initiates play sometimes. I agree that if the kitten is exhibiting signs of extreme stress then OP needs to do stuff to try and help, and that its already been going on brutally long. But if its the more typical situation, then I think its mostly about adjusting perspective. Big human brother and little human brother are constantly poking each other, there is head noogies and other nonsense, calling for mom, yelling like big brother is the devil. But little bro still wants to play with big brother, and the only one really traumatized is mom. And at least most of the time, its the same with cats of these ages.

 

[Holly1295]

How active have you been in stopping Lyla’s bad behaviour? When you see her bullying Callie do you correct her everytime? This seems to have been going on for a long time and must be very stressful for all of you. I think if you want any hope in salvaging things between the two of them you’re going to need to reeeeally step it up a notch and become a full time cat drill sergeant of sorts. By drill sergeant I mean… Correct Lyla everytime. Reward all good behaviour with affections or treats. Stand guard when Callie eats, uses the litter box, or goes on the cat tree so you can stop Lyla and she learns she can’t just chase her away. When she stalks her or attacks her maybe put her in a different room for a few minutes if your “No!”’s and other distractions and such aren’t working. The whole nine yards. Since this has been going on so long you should hopefully be able to predict most of Lyla’s “next moves” so use that to your advantage and be prepared. It’ll be time consuming and annoying, but it’s needed at this point. You could also set up a safe room for Callie, where she has food, water, litter, toys, ect. and put her in there a few hours a day to decompress and have some relaxing time to herself where she doesn’t have to worry about Lyla, or you could use said room for Lyla instead, or rotate. I would leave one of the cats in this room when you are not home, or sleeping, so that most if not all the time they spend together is closely monitored until things improve. Or completely rewind and start from step one again with a full separation for awhile, and then a fresh, sloooow introduction. I have no experience with behavioural medications and hate to recommend them, but I know they’ve worked really well for some people, so if it comes to that, that could be an option for Lyla, too.

 

[Holly1295]

Hi, I want to thank you. One word you mentioned has really helped. That word is saying "NO" to Lyla. She seemed to understand the first time I said it to her, and she backed off from Callie. Also, whenever the 2 of them are not in the room I immediately get up so I can catch Lyla before she chases Callie. So far Callie is eating without being bothered, spending time outside. So far in the past 3 days Lyla has not bothered Callie. Shé has tried but I stop her with a simple "No". Could it be that easy? Well thanks....you really helped Callie!!!

 

[Biomehanika]

Hi, I want to thank you. One word you mentioned has really helped. That word is saying "NO" to Lyla. She seemed to understand the first time I said it to her, and she backed off from Callie. Also, whenever the 2 of them are not in the room I immediately get up so I can catch Lyla before she chases Callie. So far Callie is eating without being bothered, spending time outside. So far in the past 3 days Lyla has not bothered Callie. Shé has tried but I stop her with a simple "No". Could it be that easy? Well thanks....you really helped Callie!!!

That’s wonderful news! Just keep it up and Lyla should be a perfectly respectful roommate in no time