Moving Between Houses After A Divorce

[prody]

Hi everybody

We have three cats, a 14 year old female, a 15 year old male and a 1 year old male. I recently got divorced and after the divorce the kids and cats have been living in the same house (bird's nest solution). Due to circumstances we have to change this to a more typical co-parenting solution where my ex-wife and I each take care of the kids for one week. The kids will live in one house for a week and then in the other house for a week.

The question now is what to do with the cats. My initial idea was to let the older male stay with me as he is more attached to me and the female with my ex-wife. The young male would also stay with my ex-wife as the female seems to handle him better than the old male.

But now my kids came up with the idea to let the young male move with them every week. The older male would still stay with me and the female with my ex-wife.

Does anybody have any experience or ideas about this?

 

[ArtNJ]

Most cats aren't adaptable enough for that to work out. With show cats, for example, owners typically start the travel very young of necessity. Still, your cat is only one year old, you could try it. One never really knows, it could go ok. However, the most likely result is the cat will cry the whole trip, possibly poop or pee in the carrier, and be very stressed on arrival at the new house, hiding. (If your cat does fine going to the vet, ignore the first bit, but stress on switches, especially at the new home, is likely.) It may get better with time, but is the benefit big enough for it to be worth it? If the younger cat is going to the new home, he will adapt much quicker being there permanently.

If the youngster is bugging the older cats, then the best thing for them would be to split the 2 older cats and the youngster. If the youngster gets along with both older cats then you have more options.

There is a possible side benefit to the 2 old/1 young split. Namely, cats under two years old do MUCH better when adding a new kitten. Even if your two oldsters tolerated this one pretty well from the get go, there is no guarranty that would be true with a more active & harassing kitten. So if adding a kitten is a thought in anyone's head, that is in favor of the 2 old/1 young split.

 

[1 bruce 1]

Hi everybody

We have three cats, a 14 year old female, a 15 year old male and a 1 year old male. I recently got divorced and after the divorce the kids and cats have been living in the same house (bird's nest solution). Due to circumstances we have to change this to a more typical co-parenting solution where my ex-wife and I each take care of the kids for one week. The kids will live in one house for a week and then in the other house for a week.

The question now is what to do with the cats. My initial idea was to let the older male stay with me as he is more attached to me and the female with my ex-wife. The young male would also stay with my ex-wife as the female seems to handle him better than the old male.

But now my kids came up with the idea to let the young male move with them every week. The older male would still stay with me and the female with my ex-wife.

Does anybody have any experience or ideas about this?

In your honest opinion, what is the young males personality like? Is he brave, bold, into everything, or is he shy, sticks to himself, hangs out alone or in quiet areas, etc. Is he very bonded to either of the older cats, or anyone in the house?
That would be a deal breaker for me. If he's a shy guy, upsetting his routine on a weekly basis might make him more upset, and create some problems. If he's one of these cats that's really outgoing and full of it and new people, pets or things in the house is something to investigate (and not hide from), it could potentially work.

 

[danteshuman]

I’m so sorry your marriage did not make it! I know divorce and moving are two of the most stressful things you can do in your life. I had to research the bird nest solution. Wow, that seems like a stressful idea..... not taking into account when one or both parents start dating again! Honestly it would be great enough if both parties resolved to be civil and never speak negatively of their x-spouse when the children are home..... since kids overhear a lot. (I say this as a child of a very ugly divorce and a divorcee.)

About the cats. I doubt taking the boy back and forth is ideal for him. I think you both should consider what is best for the cats. Is the oldest cat bonded to one or both the cats? If so I would keep the cats together. If not I would keep the senior with your x-hubby and consider getting him a younger 2-5 year old buddy cat (get a neutered male, cat friendly cat ...... that is good with children.) That way you save a life, give your senior cat a calm buddy cat plus your kids can play with the younger cat. Do a slow introduction as described on this site and wait until you find a right cat.

I will add this. I moved out of my mom’s house and took my 14.5 year old boy with me. To say he was miserable is an understatement! I sent him back to my mom’s house so he could live out his golden years in peace ...... and took one of her kittens she was trying to adopt out. I visit him and snuggle on him. (Ironically he was my x-hubby’s cat!) I will add since the kitten brothers are a bonded pair we give them play dates where I go over with my teen kitty for a day or two every week. The longest they have been apart is 2 weeks BUT we started when they were ?4?5? Months old! Also in the beginning we made a point for them to see each other once a week so they didn’t forget each other (or how they smell.) Plus I bring his binkie, some toys and we rotate 2 cardboard scratchers between our houses so the smell stays when the cats are not around each other. ***** I really doubt this will work though because your boy is a senior and seniors hate change. Think of a 70 year old man who has been living the same routine in the same place for the last 50 years. How open do you think that 70 year old man will be to change? How do you help prevent trauma to him and help him from going into deep depression?

 

[katycat1190]

I have a travelling kitty, although not to the extent of weekly location changes. I take Katy to my mum's house for 7 to 10 days every month and we have been doing this since the beginning of the year. Its a 1.5 hour drive. In the beginning it was a bit stressful but she has grown accustomed to the car rides. She has also gotten used to the idea of two houses, and enjoys both places.

I think it would depend on the personality of your 1 year old boy and how attached he is to the kids. It also depends on whether he travels well and the distance between the two houses.

Just in case you give it a go, here are some things that helped us:

-She loves her carrier. She uses it as a cat bed and i use it as a prop when we play using the wand toy. I feed her treats in it frequently. It also helps that she goes in on command.

-She is most attached to me and I'm with her in whichever location we are in. So that gives her a sense of home.

-Both houses have plentiful cat supplies, beds, toys, litter boxes, scratchers.

-I constantly swap her items between the two houses like cushions, cat beds, toys. So wherever she is, she has stuff that smells like both houses.

 

[Lisannez]

I think that most cats can adjust to two homes, particularly younger cats. Does the cat travel well (meaning does he meow in the car the whole way), how far apart will your homes be? My cousin travels back and forth between her apartment and her families home at least three times a month with her cat who is 3, cat has no issues. The cat understands the routine, and has her toys, litterbox and food at both houses.

 

[ailish]

In your honest opinion, what is the young males personality like? Is he brave, bold, into everything, or is he shy, sticks to himself, hangs out alone or in quiet areas, etc. Is he very bonded to either of the older cats, or anyone in the house?
That would be a deal breaker for me. If he's a shy guy, upsetting his routine on a weekly basis might make him more upset, and create some problems. If he's one of these cats that's really outgoing and full of it and new people, pets or things in the house is something to investigate (and not hide from), it could potentially work.

Yeah, this. I have a four year old female who is quite skittish and would probably never get used to this. On the other hand, my sister had a foster fail (female) who just marched into any new situation and made herself at home immediately. My sister used to take her to visit my Grandmother in assisted living and the cat had a grand old time investigating a different place, sitting on my Grandmother's lap, etc. For her, a ride in the carrier just meant fun new places. I think most cats would have at least a bit of a problem with what you suggest, but some wouldn't even blink. Personally, I wouldn't try it unless I had a cat like my sister did unless there was a good reason for doing it.

 

[prody]

Thanks for all the replies.


The young male is quite bold and the homes will be about 5 mins apart by car.

We’ve decided to give it a try and will keep in mind all the helpful advice.


If it doesn’t work we’ll go back to some solution which does not involve moving the young male.

I will also keep in mind the idea to split the older cats and the young male.