Missing and remembering my boys

[Razum'dar]

It's been 5 weeks since my boys had to be euthanized. It's been a very difficult time for me. This week I'm able to think of them and not cry, and wanted to share a picture or 2 of them. I think of them everyday and miss them so much. The house is quiet with no pets. Maybe one day I'll get another cat, but my heart isn't ready yet. Mommy and Daddy miss you both so much. There's a hole in our hearts now and we will never find family members like you again, even if one day we decide we could try and love another cat. You can never be replaced.

 

[DreamerRose]

I'm so sorry. They were sweet kitties. Keep all your happy memories of them.

 

[Tik cat's mum]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[di and bob]

Of course there is a hole in your heart, and it takes a long time for it to fill. When your precious boys left they each took a part of it in remembrance and for comfort, but they did leave a part of their own behind for you. You have been through a roller coaster of emotions and decisions, it tears you apart and numbs you for a long time. To have that pain acknowledged and empathized with is the first step in a long journey back to healing......
Try to celebrate the time you shared your life's journey with them, it was a long one and enough time to build an immensely strong bond of love. A bond that is spiritual so eternal. "Death cannot take that which never dies" and you know in your heart that is true. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow, and every living creature begins to die the moment it is born. Between those two moments is what is important. Not to dwell on the end, but to live each and every day to it's fullest, to open your heart to life's goodness and to endure the bad. Do not make their deaths more important than their lives, that can never be. Just as you would want for them if you were the first to go, live the rest of your life seeking happiness and what life has to offer because those boys are living on through you now and need to know you are OK.
They were in your life for a reason. To have never met them at all would be tragic for your soul. Though it would have spared you this pain, the joys and love it brought are far more valuable and enduring to your life and gave you much more. You gave them their everything and they are at peace. They thank you for your love and for the wonderful years they spent with the family they loved so very much. You saved them years ago, but over the years the love they developed with you saved you.
My heart cries for the pain you are going through right now. I know it all too well. The emptiness, the gut-wrenching sick feeling of loss. The guilt over things you think of now that you wish with all your heart you could change....but there is a rainbow over the horizon. It is a long and torturous journey to get there, but one day you will smile because they were there, not cry because they are gone.
It does help to distract the grief to take care of another little soul who so desperately needs it. It helps to fill that empty hole in your heart and home. You may even resent it at first, I know I did. But know that they both are firmly entrenched in your soul, any love that comes your way now is added to their own, not replacing it. They left you a legacy of what love is about, and would like nothing better for you to do then to accept that legacy and use it. To be remembered and grieved over is the highest honor we can give after death. To allow their love to grow and bloom by adding on to it. Nourishing it with more love and expanding their legacy would allow their light to shine even brighter, the bond of love tehy have with you to grow even stronger. don't be afraid to open your heart, tehy will be right beside you to help, receiving your thoughts and prayers and loving you all the more.
Take care, I'll keep you all in my prayers to let your poor heart heal and feel the love they send your way. a love that is already there and always will be........RIP dear Ash and Scooby. You will be forever missed, you will have secure places in loving hearts for eternity. Together in heaven as you were in life. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again.

 

[Razum'dar]

Thank you for the very thoughtful reply. How eloquently you put it and I can tell you've been in my shoes before. Beautiful words, thank you very much. I lost my older brother unexpectedly in July, and I'm going to share this with my family. I think your words are poignant and true whether our heart is aching for a sibling, child or fur child.

 

[Andrepartthree]

I'm really sorry .... both kitties and your brother all close together? I can only imagine the pain you must be going through ... they're both really cute little guys I love the pictures .. I wish I could say something smart and eloquent like the others have here but.... going through this for the first time myself (losing the cat member of the family) so I really don't have much to offer in the way of experience with this like the others do ....there was someone on a different thread started by Bbirdcat where I had a lot to say because we both lost the cat member of our family due to a savage attack by a predator so I felt like I actually had something to offer ... but I haven't been through what has to be an incredibly painful and traumatic experience as far as having to "let go" of the cat members of your family who are suffering through taking action yourself ... all I can say is that I'm really sorry and whether it's losing the cat member of your family to a predator, a car accident, or having to make that incredibly hard decision and end their suffering ... it is the most painful thing in the world it sucks in ways that words cannot describe. I'm really glad that there's that slow lessening of the grief (you mentioned this week you're able to think of them and not cry).

I know it goes without saying that the last thing you want to do is to rush into adopting a new cat before you are ready ... but di and bob have as usual put it beautifully, eloquently and with great depth and feeling ... when you're ready, taking on some little kitty who needs a loving home... say from the local animal rescue shelter .... can be a healing thing, especially knowing you are adopting a little being who desperately needs a home ( I've got nothing against those who purchase the cat member of their family to each their own purchased cats need homes too but... my first choice will always be the local animal rescue shelter just for that reason alone) ... the funny thing is so many people seem to think that if the feline is at a rescue shelter the feline is a troublemaker when nothing could be further from the truth.... often times the family can't afford the feline anymore (sad but true, people lose their jobs and are forced into an apartment that doesn't allow cats or just can't pay the vet bills anymore) ...

But again I know it goes without saying this isn't anything you want to rush into ...

 

[Andrepartthree]

also.. sorry forgot to say this in the earlier post.. and apologies if you've already done this but... I was wondering if you'd had a chance to read the threads/links in the "thoughts for grieving cat lovers" sticky in this part of the forum? I found all the stuff linked in there to be incredibly comforting ...

 

[Razum'dar]

Thank you. Yes this has been an awful year. I'm ready for it to be over. Before my cats, I'd never had to make the hard decision before. Ironic how when I finally do, it's 2 at once. I'm very sorry about what you went through as well. Yes, I've read through that thread. Some very nice things there. I just take it a day at a time and figure if I'm supposed to have another cat it'll come into my life. But I'm not ready yet.

 

[di and bob]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. Although the love you have for him is of a different nature, the feelings you experience and the grief you go through are the same. The heart knows no difference......

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Sweet Friends, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

To lose two at once...the sorrow isn't just doubled, it is increased exponentially. I know. But I will tell you a thing that I also know to the depths of my being...love never dies, it just changes form and continues on, still Love. Your sweet babies' love for you is now translated and purified into Love, and from that Place Where All Things Are Known, they send it back to you. It will never leave you at all. For Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.