Meme's Behavior Is A Problem

[Meme chan]

hello everyone!
i want to post few behavioral problems with one of my cats
and i hope to have answers on how to deal with them.

i have three adult cats .. (plus three adorable kittens)
Rio - male (2 years), Meme - female (4 years) and Rio.Jr - male (6 months)
meme was the only one who entered our house as adult we adopted her last year.
but from day one we noticed something was wrong, she was very aggressive i even wrote here asking for help.. and it helped me understand her more
but a year had passed and other behaviors still unsolved.
i will list them for you, i have no clue of what to do with her anymore:

meme is unafraid of being physically close to human but not with cats: including her own son Rio Jr. it feels like she always on edge when other cats tries to be social with her .. and that happens almost suddenly .. example the other day she was playing by herself surrounded with the kittens and Rio Jr. was playing with the kittens... when Rio Jr. tried to engage with her then she attacked him. and carried on playing alone.

her eating style:
she didn't live with us in the first 3 years of her life. prior the adoption she lived in a farm (that is all we know about the place she lived in) her life was difficult (the previous owner was abusive she was starving, ill and physically bruised and had broken tail when we took her) she developed wild behaviors her hunting skills are excellent she eats food like there is no tomorrow (its like she think we will not feed her next time) she even eat Rio and Rio, Jr food after she finish hers, we thought it was from her infection so she have been treated from worms and we take her to the vet to check on from time to time, the vet said she have a big appetite. the other problem is the way she eats her food is a mess .. she literally drag her food out of the plate into another room and eat on the carpet and leave it the rest of food there.. she leaves the water i place close to her and instead drink from the sink. it took some time to make her realize why plates are used but still this behavior never went away. now, the other two cats are learning from her .. and its a problem .. i couldn't fix it.

litter box problem: no matter how many boxes i provide sometimes she avoids it and chooses random places around the house i personally thought she was taking revenge or something. it seems she prefer doing it on the floor specially on any carpet.

her attacks number decreased but its still there: although meme stopped attacking me (and i am very happy that she finally trusted me) but she still scratch other family members and visitors who want to pet her. she either attack with no warning or she hisses and growls. my family love her as much as i do..... i don't understand why she attack.

she jumps on family members while asleep: this behavior is troubling. i dont know why she does it only when they are a sleep. she used to jump on my bed at night too but now she only come to wake me up (paw touching lightly) when she's hungry or when she needs something .. other family members complained that she jumps on them on purpose and for no reason, i even saw her once she climbed not very high to jump on my sister while she was taking a nap.. we tried to understand why and thought she wanted more attention but her attacks didn't stop.

walking her outside the house is a nightmare: knowing she lived in a farm we take her out from time to time.. but she ends up running away to fight other cats some of them was a big cat, we used a collar and she hates it and she attack the collar and run away from it. the only reason she loves to go outside of the house is hunting and to fight other cats

these are the main troubles we deal with at the moment
thank you for your patience and appreciate your replies

 

[Kflowers]

One do not let strangers pet her. Let her decide to come to people or not. Not every cat enjoys being petted. Not every person enjoys it. Since she was abused being petted probably reminds her of how easy it is for a person to smack her. She is being very brace to let you pet her. To ask for more is asking too much at this moment.

That she eats as though there will be no more food is a reasonable reaction for a cat who has been starved. It isn't that she thinks you won't feed her tomorrow, she is afraid you won't be there tomorrow. She's see many cats die. She knows what death is. She wants to be ready if she is thrown on her own again. That she lets you pet her means she has dared to risk her
heart again. Be patient this can take years.

Do not take her outside yet. She is still unsure of her territory. Wherever is not her territory, - outside around other cats and people - is dangerous. She must attack before she is attacked. The one who attacks has the advantage and is more likely to win. It's likely that her previous owner tried to choke her either with his hands, a cord or a collar. Don't take her outside where she is more afraid, where you might lose her forever.

Please remember she must look at everything, every person, every cat as dangerous to her and those she loves.contrary to what some will say hard facing of fear isn't the best way to overcome it for a person or animal who has been abused. Everything for such people and animals is LIFE and DEATH. There is no in between. Every animal your cat sees is a threat to her life, every person is a threat to her life. She has fought so very hard to be alive, she can't let down her guard. If she dies who will protect Rio?

That she won't play with Rio is probably due to having lost many of her kittens either as infants or older. She wants him to be independent of her for his safety, but she will still fight to the death to protect him. Her heart is very battered, but it is clear from her letting you pet her and from her playing with the kittens that part of it is still intact.

I think, and I could be wrong, that Jumping on people when they are asleep is her trying to get closer to them, to play with them. The only time she dares trust people is when they are asleep. This will take time. We had a little feral who never scratched, never bite and did every thing else she could to avoid being touched. But sometimes I would wake up to find her sitting on my chest. As soon as I opened my eyes she fled. Your cat isn't ready for that and is making quick pats on your family. Try to explain that she is working on learning to trust them.

 

[Kflowers]

Cats don't do revenge, they do survival. Nothing Meme does is for revenge, all of it is for her and Rio's survival and that of the kittens. If she's peeing outside the box you'll need to have her checked for a uti. If it isn't that it can just be stress. When you think of it, she's
dealing with a lot of stress from the past and she's doing it rather well.

I'm so glad she and Rio and the others found you and that you are
all doing so much to help her.

 

[Willowy]

I thi k having her spayed will help with some of the problems, and some of the other "problems" are just normal cat things (like jumping on you when you're asleep ). Her priority right now is the baby kittens, so she'll attack any other cat that she thinks is threatening them. So she'll be happier if you have her spayed so she doesn't have to worry about more kittens. It should help with the litterbox issues too.

 

[Meme chan]

K Kflowers W Willowy thank you very much for your replies
i can understand now where its coming from
i'll try my best to be more supportive