Mammary cancer - I'm so distraught right now

[mrsgreenjeens]

Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.  What devastating news

.  (and I actually understand just where you're coming from when you said what you said

....sometimes it's just easier NOT to have to make the decision on what to do...I know LDG even consulted with an animal communicator when Lazlo got cancer to find out if he even wanted to go thru chemo before they went down that road)

Well, darn it

.   I'm sure you will end up doing what is best, after consulting with your Vet, and with Momma Kitty.

 

[tclark13]

Thanks guys, your words bring me a bit of comfort. 

 

[ldg]

I'm just reading about your Momma Kitty and the mammary cancer for the first time. I'm so sorry for all you two have gone through.

My Lazlo had a "massive" mass in his stomach, and was given four weeks to live without treatment. His cancer was large cell lymphoma. We had to at least try. No way to know if he was going to overly stress, &etc. if we didn't. Also, as mrsgreenjeens said, we work with an animal communicator that we already trust for so many reasons. She had a chat with Lazlo, who said he was willing to try. We actually already knew this, because things happened so quickly. But it was nice to have that confirmation. If you have doubts about what Momma Kitty wants, you might want to consider having Ellen (of Enlightened Animals) talk to Momma. All you need to do is send her a picture along with what you want to ask or tell Momma. Ellen will let you know when she's going to talk to her, and the follow-up is via phone call. Here are the relevant posts from my thread about Ellen and Lazlo:

http://www.thecatsite.com/t/234030/mega-massive-vibes-for-lazlo-urgent/120#post_3096829
http://www.thecatsite.com/t/234030/mega-massive-vibes-for-lazlo-urgent/150#post_3097602
http://www.thecatsite.com/t/234030/mega-massive-vibes-for-lazlo-urgent/150#post_3098282



We are very fortunate. His cancer went into remission. His last chemo treatment was at the end of January 2011 and he appears to still be in remission. :heart2:

I'm so sorry this isn't the case with Momma Kitty.

I don't know if any of this information will help Momma Kitty, but it might.

At the end of Lazlo's chemo, I switched my cats to a raw diet. I used commercial, sterile raw food initially. It's been established that certain carbs feed cancer, so while raw isn't necessary (though being fresh and not highly processed may contribute to its benefits), a low-carb diet that is primarily meat based should help provide supporting care . This is the healthiest diet for kitties anyway, as obligate carnivores that naturally eat very few carbs.

The other supplements that may or may not be helping:

bovine lactoferrin (Jarrow, 250mg capsules. I give him half in the morning and half in the evening). I was researching how to help my FIV+ kitty, and in looking up the recommended supplements, found that bovine lactoferrin (not the human lactoferrin made from genetically modified rice) has strong promise as an anti-cancer agent, with quite a bit of research behind it.

I did a quick search of bovine lactoferrin and mammary cancer, and found this: http://repositorium.sdum.uminho.pt/...0-3629-LR2011_Personal copy final version.pdf

Ubiquinol. This is the bioactive form of CoQ10. Basically, it can stand alone as adjunct therapy

http://www.lef.org/magazine/mag2008/feb2008_Coenzyme-Q10-And-Cancer_01.htm
http://www.dana-farber.org/Health-Library/Benefits-of-Ubiquinol.aspx )
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/cam/coenzymeQ10/HealthProfessional/page3


but ubiquinol also works in conjunction with vitamin D:

http://www.pdazzler.com/archives/359

I feed all my cats a diet rich in vitamin D by providing them with sardines weekly, salmon oil (500mg) daily, and at least one egg yolk every week (cats do not synthesize vitamin D from the sun via their skin as humans do). Here is a quick overview of information on vitamin D and cancer:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/a...5/12/vitamin-d-may-prevent-breast-cancer.aspx

I've read varying information on doses for cats as re: ubiquinol. Some say 10mg, some say 20mg, some say 50mg. Given I'm looking for the anti-cancer benefit, not just maintenance, Lazlo gets one squirt (10mg) of the Mercola ubiquinol for pets at each meal (so 30mg daily), where the other cats get just 10mg daily.

I know you're facing some hard decisions, so many and for you, and for Momma Kitty. :rub:

 

[tclark13]

Hi all, I wanted to post  to say that I have made the decision to not proceed with any further surgeries or treatment. I had her next surgery scheduled for tomorrow, to remove the growth that we found last week but cancelled it because yesterday I was feeling her belly and could already feel 3-4 more tumors starting to form in various other abdomen areas, mainly her armpit region indicating they were lymph nodes. I called the oncologist to get her advice, and she said that in all honesty if they are already coming back that fast then she did not see more surgery providing a substantial benefit. I ultimately agreed with her. I don't want to put Momma Kitty through anymore, she used to wake me up every morning by laying on my face but now as soon as I wake up she runs and hides for fear of having another vet appointment. So no more.

I am still glad I did it this far though as the chemo and previous surgeries have brought her much more life and time than I would have had otherwise. I'm not really sure what will happen from here, I am told that once she starts showing obvious symptoms of discomfort (which she has none now), that I can decide to bring her in and have her put down. No one can give me a sure defining moment except for saying that it's time when "there are more bad days than good". Part of me wants to do it before then so that she doesn't have any bad days. It's hard to think that the extent of her life on this earth will be living with me in tiny apartments. I don't know what more I could expect (run for kitty president?) but it just seems so... insignificant. 

This weekend I'm going to buy a digital camera so that I can take nonstop pics and videos for the rest of however long I have with her, and my vet works with a company that does pet cremations so I'm thinking about that. It probably seems weird and I'm not even telling some of the people in my life because they think I'm strange enough already, but I like the idea of having her in a nice engraved urn that I can keep. It just sucks because I was really hoping to make it to christmas, that was my goal. Last year I was so busy with college and trying to get situated in a new job I didn't put up a tree or anything. Even though that sounds stupid because cats don't care about christmas it still makes me sad to think that I didn't even really celebrate her last one. I feel so depressed. And I'm also sad because I've been neglecting my other 3 cats for the last several days due to me being upset and wanting to spend all of my time with Momma K. I feel like I failed her, and she'll never be able to understand that I tried. She will die not understanding. 

It's extremely frustrating knowing that, at this point, even if I won the lottery tonight and had millions of dollars tomorrow, all the money in the world could not advance medicine enough to fix her. I don't have any human kids so it's difficult for me to imagine, with as much emotion as I feel towards this stupid feline, what parents of terminally ill children must go through. Anyhow, sorry for more depressing news but hopefully all of you are doing well and LDG thank you for those links I liked the info, I had no idea that pet communicators even existed! 

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

I totally understand your not going thru with her surgery at this point

.  And I really do understand how you are feeling (about not decorating last year for the holidays, feeling like you have let her down somehow, wanting to take lots of pictures, the whole gamit, from one end of the spectrum to the other

.  I get it, and I think most of us here do. 

But, honestly, I don't think Momma K will feel like you failed her.  She will go to the bridge knowing love.  You will pamper her and dote on her and make her feel like she is the best thing that ever happened to you (and you will still find time for your other cats too), and when the time comes, you will not let her suffer, which is the greatest love you can give, and she will know it. 

 

Until then, enjoy the time you have with her, with ALL of them together.   And we'll be right here when you need us 

 

[finnlacey]

Well said Mrs. Green Jeans. I believe you have done everything possible and now you are doing what is best for her by not putting her through anymore when the outcome clearly will not be any different. That takes courage and LOVE. She knows that and that is not failure, it's strength. 

 

[ldg]

Absolutely what mrsgreenjeens said! I KNOW Momma Kitty doesn't feel like you let her down, you didn't fail her, and she DOES understand you did all you could for her. I really suggest that your early Christmas present for Momma Kitty be a communication session with Ellen. Then you can tell Momma Kitty everything you want to say, and you can be reassured how much she really does understand - and be comforted that she'll let you know when it's time. :heart2:

As I have had to say too many times, the sad fact is that if everything works out the way it should, we will always outlive our kitties. Too often their lives are just far too short, through no fault of ours or theirs.

Do your best to enjoy what time you have left with her: just take one day at a time. :heart2:

 

[vball91]

Totally agree with everyone. Momma Kitty does know how much you love her. Many hugs for you.

 

[tick-tag]

I'm very sorry to hear about your cat. It is an awful disease.

I know what your ups and downs are like, because my girl went through almost the same thing.

She diagnosed in spring 2012 and I had the cancer removed. The operation went very well and in the days after she was doing great for her age, but then the wound became necrotic. To make a long story short they had to operate on her two more times to remove necrotic tissue and it was well over a month before she was healed. She was a trooper, but it must have been very hard for her.

In december 2012 the mammary cancer came back. I thought about it long and hard and then I thought about it some more - and I decided not to have any more surgery done on her. It was so hard on her the last time and the prognosis wastn't good anyway. 

It was a very hard decision to make, but I feel it was the right one for her. She rapidly grew three more tumors and they were growing larger FAST! And then they stopped growing. I thought I would lose her in a month or so becase of the speed, but fortunately I got more time with her.

The hardest was to find the right time to put her to sleep. I didn't want to do it too soon, of course, but I also didn't want her to get too sick, just because I didn't want to say goodbye to her. I still wanted to see life in her eyes and still wanted her to feel the joy of being alive when she was put to sleep, I didn't want to go there with a cat, that had clearly given up on everythig. I owed her that much.  

I spoiled her rotten and did everything to please her and she enjoyed it. She was put to sleep on the 10th of June 2013, only one month before she would have turned 14.

She had a good last day of life. She felt better than she had done in weeks. I have an outside enclosure for my cats and she just loved sunbathing there and even more in her last days because she was skinny and the sun would warm her up. So when it was time to put her in the carrier and drive to the vet, she was sunbathing and looked so happy and contend. I cried all the way to the vet....

But it was very peaceful and I know I did the right thing for her and she had a good life.

And even if I didn't do the last surgery, she still had 6 more months, where she was feeling good most of the time and I didn't expect that. 

The "good" thing about mammary cancer is that it is usually not painful until the very end, so your girl can still have a good life until it's time to say goodbye.

 

[lilin]

tclark13 -- I am so sorry to hear the bad news, but for whatever it's worth, I get your decision and I would probably do the same.

Think of it this way. Your wonderful kitty doesn't understand why she keeps going to the vet. And she isn't concerned about making sure she gets to write her novel in 10 years. All she cares about is laying in a warm sunbeam and having you by her side TODAY.

Even if her time is short, you can make her the happiest kitty in the world by simply doing that.

As far as when is the "right time," I also agree with your ideal -- that you'd like to see her go still able to be comfortable and happy. I had the same idea with my elder kitty. Unfortunately, due to the nature of her illnesses, I didn't get that choice. She went from doing ok to suffering within 12 hours. But I wish so much that she had felt ok enough to still have a purr in her when I let her go.

Don't feel "weird" for loving an animal who has loved you all their life, and wanting to memorialize that. You're not weird! THEY are the weird ones. Who can live with a creature for the better part of a decade and not care about them at all? That's what's weird to me.

There are lots of beautiful small urns designed for kitties and small dogs and other critters. So you are definitely not alone. Have a look around for one that feels right.

Momma's life hasn't been insignificant. Look at what she's brought out in you. That is the lifes work of most animals, and it's a huge deal. If you think about it, it is their lifes work that has brought about all the change and improvement in how we treat animals over the millenia. If they didn't work their magic on us, why would anyone care enough to try to make the world a better place for them?

All the struggles and frustration of palliative care for my elder kitty is what prepared me to have the patience and caring to adopt an adult cat with trauma, and make a significant improvement in her life and psyche. I never could have done it without her, and everything she taught me about love.

Her life meant something. You've told her story here and impacted all of us, and perhaps taught someone something. It's had an impact on you. She's really accomplished quite a lot, for only a few years on Earth. A lot more than most of us do in the same amount of time.

 

[jazzygemmy]

I just read this thread for the first time. I cried.

I am so sorry what you are going through. I just needed to tell you that I never had any idea cats could get breast cancer. After reading the entire story, I went and inspected my kitty's belly. I just wanted to thank you for posting Momma Kitty's story and raising further awareness on this type of cancer.

I know you will make the best of her last days. Like someone else said, it's amazing how something as simple as a ray of sunshine in the window sill can make a cat's day.

I also wanted to echo the comment you made about parents with children and terminal diseases. I used to WORRY SICK about the health/happiness of my kitties (and still very much do), but once I had a son a little over a year ago, I realized worrying about the health/care of a child is EVEN MORE TERRIFYING! Just saying I think you will be a very good mother some day seeing as how much you love and care for your kitties :-) Oh, who am I kidding, you are already a great mother! Do you know how many would people spend THAT much money on a pet? Sadly, not enough.

You are my hero.

 

[pepper1]

I'm so sorry to hear about this, but I want to let you know that I think you're doing the right thing.  My cat Kali had mammary cancer, and survived it, but was dubbed the "miracle kitty" as a result by her vet.  Mammary cancer is almost always considered terminal.  Kali had just a couple small lumps and it seemed to be progressing relatively slowly, nothing at all your baby, and when they did the surgery it wasn't in the lymph nodes, but the surgery was a Terrible thing for her to go through and at the time, I regretted it.  The fact that she's now 6 years cancer free means I may have made the right decision, but she suffered a lot from that surgery and the recovery from it, and even now I'd have a hard time making that decision again even knowing her future afterwards.

Enjoy the time you have with her, whether it's a day or a year it's always precious.

 

[mariand]

Hi,

I just read your whole thread.   I also didn't spay my cat until she was about two.  Last Thursday a vet technician discovered a scab that turned out to be a mammary tumor on my cat Littles when she was in for some routine blood work.  I was shocked because I pick her up at least twice a day to give her medication for hyperthyroid.  She is 15.  Thank you for sharing your experience here. I hope your kitty is still feeling well.

photo.JPG

• mariand
• Nov 20, 2013

 

[tclark13]

The time has come. It's 2:21am and I just got back from the 24-hr animal clinic where I had Momma Kitty euthanized.at about 1:30am. I have not logged onto this site since my last post because it made me too sad and I wanted our last times to not involve anything that reminded me of the cancer. Now I am trying to distract myself from losing it so I have come on here to write. I was so afraid of knowing when it was "time", too early or too late. And it hurts me to say that I am still not sure if it was the "right" time tonight. The last 3 months I've had with her without any surgery or treatment have been absolutely wonderful. She has been so happy and healthy, I've taken hundreds of photos and dozens of videos of us together. She ate all her favorite human foods like peanut butter, arbys roast beef, and cheezits. The only negative development has been her tumors growing in number and size, she had about 10 altogether from the size of a pea to a ping pong ball along her stomach. But otherwise she was "healthy". 

Yesterday morning all of that abruptly changed. I woke up for work and noticed she was not sleeping next to my head like usual and then found her asleep in the cabinet under my bathroom sink. I didn't have time to think much of it so I put a bowl of water and can of wet food in there next to her, and went to work. When I got home she had not moved, or touched the food or water. I noticed her breathing had changed, it was fast and rapid and she seemed to be flexing her nostrils trying to take big breathes. She wasn't gasping or struggling, so i was concerned but kept an eye on her all night. She did not get better. The strange breathing continued and she refused to eat or drink or use the litter box. She let me pet her everywhere until I tried to pick her up and her body tensed up and she let out these tiny groans of discomfort. I got that horrible feeling that this may be the decline.

This morning I moved her to my bed, and she was like a limp rag doll in my arms. By this evening she began having these small muscle spasms/twitches in her face and paws. By about 8 or so, she would barely open her eyes and when she did they had this glassy emptiness to them that scared me, i've never seen her look like that it's like she was looking straight through me and every few seconds her eyes would roll back in her head a bit. Her breathing continued to be a bit more labored. I knew all of this was bad, but it wasn't what i was picturing this moment to be. She didn't appear to be in extreme pain, or going to the bathroom on herself or crying... but moderate discomfort for sure. It was so fast from just 2 days ago when she seemed perfectly fine except for the physical tumors growing in size on her belly. Anyway I went back and forth on what to do and finally came to the conclusion that it she is feeling like this now, in 2 days, if i wait much longer she will be in serious pain and I don't want to let it get that bad. So I took her. And god it was awful. I've never seen an animal get euthanized but I can't even describe the feeling of holding her like a baby wrapped in a towel and watching her tail gently flickering back and forth and then slowly stop, and her eyes stay open and not shut again. That image will haunt me forever, but i had to be there with her for it. And that was it. And now she is gone. Almost exactly a year, closer to 13 months from when I found that first lump. The oncologists prediction was spot on. I miss her so much.

Thanks to the treatment I did get her (surgery and chemo), I got an extra 11 months or so that I would not have had otherwise.

Also I'm so touched and appreciative of all of your warm replies to my last post, I regret not coming on here and reading/replying to them sooner. Your words make me feel better. I'm very grateful that you've taken the time out of your day to read my writing and respond. I'm trying to comfort myself with my other 3 kitties right now that still need me. I haven't told anyone that I've done this yet, except for this post. I will probably be in hiding for days from the outside world. 

This is the last picture I took of her and I together:

me_momma_last.jpg

• tclark13
• Jan 4, 2014

 

[catsfurme]

I am so sorry for your loss.  

I too, have had to put two suffering cats to sleep.  It is not easy and though some time has passed I think of all the pleasure and peace my feline friends have given me.  They were as devoted to me as I was of them.  I am still sad at times but now I remember they joy I had with them.   It brings laughter to my heart when I think of their antics.  

It is difficult to go on with our busy lives especially when some people do not understand our suffering.  Losing a loved one is losing a loved one, human or otherwise.

How do we know when it's time?  Does anyone really know?  We go on gut instincts here and we could question this forever.  We will think the same thing if we have to repeat that process in the future.  That question will always be.  Clearly to me it was her time and you did what was best for her by not letting her suffering continue.  You did the right thing. 

I know Momma Kitty would not want you to have such a broken heart she would soothe you.  The pain for her is no more and she would want you to care for those other kitties. They miss her too.

You are an incredibly giving feline caregiver.  That's apparent in the way you took care of her.  Not everyone takes care of their pets the way you do.

Good luck and try to get on with a normal routine.  Go visit someone, go shopping, stay busy.  

Lots of cats out there that just need to be loved. 

 

[jcat]

I'm very sorry for your loss and would like to express the sympathies of the entire TCS team. When you feel up to it, perhaps you'd like to start a tribute thread to Momma Kitty in the Crossing the Bridge forum. A link to it can be added here.

 

[mariand]

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

Thank you so much for sharing her story and your story.  It helped me a great deal as I am dealing with a similar situation.  Hugs to you and your other cats.

Marian

 

[stephenq]

What a beautiful cat and what a Great mom you are.  I read all your posts from the beginning and you did all the right things at all the right times, including this final act of compassion and love.  The loss, so painful, yet with time the gift of joy she brought you in life will return in memories that you can celebrate.

I think one of the hardest things can be the second guessing on what we did to care for our cats.  Perhaps its so difficult because we are always trying to obtain in our mind and after the fact a better outcome.  The tension between what is real and the "hopeful hypothetical" which in our minds is always better than what is now and what is real.

Looking from the outside, you made great decisions, and you got the year and a little more that the surgeon said was possible.  I also think the decision to withhold surgery that last time was without a doubt, the absolute best decision.  Given all she had been through, and it does take a toll, the advanced disease, she might never have enjoyed quality of life after that, and like the surgeon said, the chances of meaningfully extending her life were low.  There is always the risk that we work too hard to extend their lives, not for them, but for us.  Your decision at this stage of her life was for her benefit.   You had some really great time with her that you may easily have lost.  Great mom.

Also without a doubt, your final gift to her, the right thing at the right time. 

Momma Kitty, Beauty Cat.  Beautiful forever.

Stephen

 

[vball91]

I am so sorry for your loss. You have been such an amazing and devoted caregiver. I am glad to hear that the last three months were great for Momma Kitty. For what's it worth, I absolutely feel that you made the best decisions possible for her at all times. That last picture of the two of you is definitely one to treasure. Many hugs for you.

 

[ldg]

What a beautiful, beautiful picture. I'm so, so sorry. :heart2: Please do not be sorry about having focused on Momma Kitty. Our posts are helping you now, and that's what matters. :grphug2: :grphug2: :grphug2: