Male cat being rough with new female cat. Please help me!

[bluesmelvit]

Walter sounds like a dream. We've got a Ted Bundy here. We just introduced a new small female to our resident male. Followed all of the rules of a slow introduction. They finally met and he stares at her like a toy. Pounces, bites, pins her down. She screams. Its horrific. They're both fixed. It is so bad we may not even be able to keep the new girl for safety.

Walter does the same, though he doesn't hiss or display any aggressive body language. They've had more floor time together and he pounces/pins her down enough for her to start hissing and swatting- which he mistakes as playing before finally getting it's a warning. Despite this they don't hide from eachother. And they've groomed one another once too, so I have hope. I'm still watching them closely, I really hope the introduction works for you! From the advice I've gotten so far- it's a long process!

 

[Hanm3]

Just jumping in here to say yours sound a LOT like mine - although I’m month 3 into the intro process so I think yours is going a lot better. We got a female kitten for our boy to play with - they are mis matched in size, he’s huge and she’s tiny, so when he plays it’s too rough for her (classic pinning down biting neck). The screams she does sometimes are so bad it’s like she’s dying! Luckily there hasn’t been any blood or fur flying but she definitely isn’t interested in playing with him atm (she’s just been spayed). He has groomed her a couple of times but she has never reciprocated - I’m worried she’s overly cautious of him even though I’m pretty sure he just wants to play 99% of the time! How far are you into the intro process now? It’s a tough haul

 

[Caspers Human]

Just thinking about cats I used to have in the past...

We had a big Van cat named "Spike" then we got a smaller gray, tabby named "Jerry."

Spike was the older, bigger cat. He was, generally, the dignified, old man of the house while Jerry, was more of the young, upstart kitten.

Spike was happy to just supervise the household while Jerry often liked to stir up trouble, as kittens often do.
Jerry would come running over and make a "fly-by" attack on Spike. They would wrestle for a minute or two but, after a short time, Spike would get fed up. At the beginning, Spike would "play nice" but, when he got fed up, he'd get pretty rough. Still, Jerry (the little sh*t) would keep at it. Finally, when Spike got to the end of his rope, he would sit on Jerry.

Spike was a good, fifteen pound cat while Jerry barely weighed half that much, soaking wet.

That's how Spike would send the message, "No more," to Jerry.

So... Also consider that sitting or otherwise using their weight to hold another cat down, is just a means of non-verbal communication.

Cats can't talk so they don't have any way to send direct messages or commands like people can.

They have to communicate with gestures like the way actors in old, silent movies had to.

Nowadays, with sound and special effects, the audience can pick up direct cues from the actors. Back in the olden days, swooping gestures and exaggerated facial expressions were necessary to convey information but, today, they seem silly.

Bottom line: Try looking at your cats' actions the same way is if you were watching an old, silent movie. Try to interpret their actions the same was you would interpret an actor's exaggerated gestures.

 

[bluesmelvit]

Just jumping in here to say yours sound a LOT like mine - although I’m month 3 into the intro process so I think yours is going a lot better. We got a female kitten for our boy to play with - they are mis matched in size, he’s huge and she’s tiny, so when he plays it’s too rough for her (classic pinning down biting neck). The screams she does sometimes are so bad it’s like she’s dying! Luckily there hasn’t been any blood or fur flying but she definitely isn’t interested in playing with him atm (she’s just been spayed). He has groomed her a couple of times but she has never reciprocated - I’m worried she’s overly cautious of him even though I’m pretty sure he just wants to play 99% of the time! How far are you into the intro process now? It’s a tough haul

I feel like this is the same situation! Walter would want to play, no aggressive body language at all. My worry was that Phoebe was so small and passive. Now she's putting him in his place. I tried playing with both of them to kind of show her she could try doing the same with Walter. After she realized she needed to start putting him in his place, shes been more playful. She'll chase him and then he'll chase her!

 

[ellejay]

Well my male cat doesn't hiss either, just the small kitty who is being attacked. I just wanted to let you know I just went and bought Feliway spray and sprayed it on her back by her tail and on the back of her neck. My big boy now seems confused by the pheromone. He runs up to her and then stops short like he doesn't recongize her as a sexy lady anymore hah, and instead of being totally aggressive with her he has cooled it. He's really confused. The only thing is it only lasts about 5 hours so if they're together you have to keep reapplying it. I figure it may help during the transition period and hopefully he'll get used to her being around eventually and stop with his aggressive dominant behavior that's scaring her.

Walter does the same, though he doesn't hiss or display any aggressive body language. They've had more floor time together and he pounces/pins her down enough for her to start hissing and swatting- which he mistakes as playing before finally getting it's a warning. Despite this they don't hide from eachother. And they've groomed one another once too, so I have hope. I'm still watching them closely, I really hope the introduction works for you! From the advice I've gotten so far- it's a long process!

 

[jen]

I just wanted to let you know I just went and bought Feliway spray and sprayed it on her back by her tail and on the back of her neck.

You really shouldn't spray that directly on the cat! Their warning labels even say so. If the cat grooms and licks that off, and they will, you might not see immediate issues but I can't imagine that is good long term. Please stop doing that.

Also she is hissing to tell the other to stop. That is just how cats communicate. If anyone was truly being attacked there would be bloodshed.

 

[ellejay]

Oh shoot I'll clean it off her, I thought you could for some reason. It didn't say not to on the packaging.

You really shouldn't spray that directly on the cat! Their warning labels even say so. If the cat grooms and licks that off, and they will, you might not see immediate issues but I can't imagine that is good long term. Please stop doing that.

Also she is hissing to tell the other to stop. That is just how cats communicate. If anyone was truly being attacked there would be bloodshed.

 

[Hanm3]

I feel like this is the same situation! Walter would want to play, no aggressive body language at all. My worry was that Phoebe was so small and passive. Now she's putting him in his place. I tried playing with both of them to kind of show her she could try doing the same with Walter. After she realized she needed to start putting him in his place, shes been more playful. She'll chase him and then he'll chase her!

Thats great that they’re chasing each other! Ours were starting to do that just before she got spayed but now she’s back to being scared of him and running away! Either she’s still in pain or she’s a bit spooked. I really hope we get back there, it’s been so tough! I always thought it was the cat that was scared of the kitten not the other way round my boy isn’t phased one bit!

 

[bluesmelvit]

Thats great that they’re chasing each other! Ours were starting to do that just before she got spayed but now she’s back to being scared of him and running away! Either she’s still in pain or she’s a bit spooked. I really hope we get back there, it’s been so tough! I always thought it was the cat that was scared of the kitten not the other way round my boy isn’t phased one bit!

When Phoebe came to us she had just gotten spayed, after her healing I've seen so much more energy from her! I'm sure you'll get back to that point!